When God Takes a Soul, It’s Time to Dig a Hole

Or
(The Monty section of the update)
When the tumor hits, the lawyer quits

Or
If the celebrity lawyer dies, the public gets a surprise

Or
I thought my tumor was only a rumor
Johnnie Cochran, the man who convinced 12 addled Californians that murder wasn’t illegal has made good on his pact with the devil yesterday, succumbing to a brain tumor at the age of 67. Cochran had long been the man to challenge the Man, winning multi-millionaire settlements for black defendants who claimed police abuse, and had a client list that read like an urban version of The Surreal Life, with Todd Bridges, Tupac Shakur, Jim Brown and Snoop Dogg. But Cochran entered the pop culture lexicon as the headliner of the legal dream team that used shrunken gloves, a racist cop and the general ineptitude of the Los Angeles District Attorney’s office to free O.J. Simpson to find the real killer of his wife and a waiter. His “If it doesn’t fit, you must acquit” routine earned him mentions in the South Park Chewbacca defense, a parody of his style in Seinfeld’s Jackie Chiles and the respect of Chris Rock in Lethal Weapon 4, when he told a suspect that he had a right to hire a lawyer, but, "If you get Johnnie Cochran, I'll kill you."