Twas Beast Killed the Beauty
Or
Body of Evidence
Or
The Dead Zone
Dino De Laurentiis, the man who ruined the King Kong, Hannibal Lector and Evil Dead film franchises, has died at the age of 91. Coming of age with the Italian New Wave, including Fellini’s La Strada and Nights of Cabiria, both Academy Award winners, De Laurentiis had a few gritty hits in the United States in the 1970s with Serpico, Three Days of the Condor and Death Wish, but is best remembered for the overblown dreck that earned him the nickname Dino De Horrendous from Michael Medved, or whoever Medved stole it from. He produced the too-tame-to-be-porn, too-tedious-to-be-watched Barbarella, allowed Peter Jackson to hold the title of producer of the third-worst King Kong movie, claiming both the first King Kong remake and King Kong Lives for himself, and, not put off by unsuccessful remakes, he soldiered on with the mind-numbing Flash (a-ah) Gordon. They said Frank Herbert’s Dune series of novels couldn’t be made into a movie, and De Laurentiis proved them right with the craptastic Kyle MacLachlan opus. He had a talent for finishing things off, producing the last of the Evil Dead series, Army of Darkness, and The Shootist, the valedictory for John Wayne and the Hollywood Western. De Laurentiis also managed to just miss the point in trying to copy others’ far superior work, like Roger Corman with a bigger budget and better accent. Instead of a taut thriller involving a brilliant but psychotic physician in Silence of the Lambs, he produced the other 4 Hannibal Lector movies, highlighted by Ray Liotta eating his own brain in Hannibal. While Irwin Allen found exciting and extravagant ways to kill Hollywood stars in disaster movies, DeLaurentiis bored them to death with the talky and comical Hurricane. Steven Speilberg thrilled with Jaws; De Laurentiis had Orca bite off Bo Derek’s leg. DeLaurentiis produced Blue Velvet, regarded as David Lynch’s best film, but that was probably because he just didn’t understand it. Most importantly and impressively, he produced the genes that ultimately resulted in Food Network molto benne babe granddaughter Giada de Laurentiis.
Body of Evidence
Or
The Dead Zone
Dino De Laurentiis, the man who ruined the King Kong, Hannibal Lector and Evil Dead film franchises, has died at the age of 91. Coming of age with the Italian New Wave, including Fellini’s La Strada and Nights of Cabiria, both Academy Award winners, De Laurentiis had a few gritty hits in the United States in the 1970s with Serpico, Three Days of the Condor and Death Wish, but is best remembered for the overblown dreck that earned him the nickname Dino De Horrendous from Michael Medved, or whoever Medved stole it from. He produced the too-tame-to-be-porn, too-tedious-to-be-watched Barbarella, allowed Peter Jackson to hold the title of producer of the third-worst King Kong movie, claiming both the first King Kong remake and King Kong Lives for himself, and, not put off by unsuccessful remakes, he soldiered on with the mind-numbing Flash (a-ah) Gordon. They said Frank Herbert’s Dune series of novels couldn’t be made into a movie, and De Laurentiis proved them right with the craptastic Kyle MacLachlan opus. He had a talent for finishing things off, producing the last of the Evil Dead series, Army of Darkness, and The Shootist, the valedictory for John Wayne and the Hollywood Western. De Laurentiis also managed to just miss the point in trying to copy others’ far superior work, like Roger Corman with a bigger budget and better accent. Instead of a taut thriller involving a brilliant but psychotic physician in Silence of the Lambs, he produced the other 4 Hannibal Lector movies, highlighted by Ray Liotta eating his own brain in Hannibal. While Irwin Allen found exciting and extravagant ways to kill Hollywood stars in disaster movies, DeLaurentiis bored them to death with the talky and comical Hurricane. Steven Speilberg thrilled with Jaws; De Laurentiis had Orca bite off Bo Derek’s leg. DeLaurentiis produced Blue Velvet, regarded as David Lynch’s best film, but that was probably because he just didn’t understand it. Most importantly and impressively, he produced the genes that ultimately resulted in Food Network molto benne babe granddaughter Giada de Laurentiis.
posted by The Grim Reaper at 9:37 PM
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