Lib-ya-rated

Or
Final Tripoli
Colonel Moammar Quadafy, the Italian men’s sunglasses model who took over Libya, has been killed by democracy at the age of 69. Bitter over being passed over for promotion during his 42-year rule and too deranged to realize he constituted the entire promotion board, Qadhafi took his anger out on his own people, in odd ways. When student revolutionaries were hanged in a Tripoli square following a show trial held in a soccer stadium, traffic was re-routed to force cars to take in the scene and take heed. Qadafi ordered all Libyans to raise chickens to promote self-sufficiency. He left the Western calendar for one based on the birth of Mohammed, then his own birth, and renamed the months of the year. Gheddafi claimed HIV was “a peace virus, not an aggressive virus,” called the Bible a forgery, and said Israel killed President Kennedy, suggesting he may have been Islam’s answer to Pat Robertson. Qadhdafi had a cadre of bodyguards out of a Robert Palmer video, complete with camouflage fatigues, red nail polish, high-heeled sandals, and submachine guns. With a wardrobe that ranged from that of the uniform of a British admiral in a Gilbert and Sullivan production to Isaac Hayes styled muumuus, Gaddafi cut a dashing figure as he presented himself as the philosopher of the sands, receiving visitors in a sprawling white tent even when traveling internationally, which was particularly well received by New Yorkers during his visits to yell at the United Nations. After years of largely benign rantings, Qadhdhafi reached for the stars in 1986, supporting the bombing of a Berlin discothèque and following it up by financing the 1988 terrorist bombing of a Pan Am flight over Lockerbie, Scotland. Qadhafi’s list of BFFs included a veritable Who’s Who of the world’s reprobates, including Uganda’s Idi Amin, who took refuge in Libya after his ouster, Liberia’s Charles Taylor, Zimbabwe’s Robet Mugabe, and George W. Bush, who traded the ability to torture CIA prisoners in Libya for an executive order that gave Gheddafi’s government immunity from terrorism related lawsuits and dismissed pending compensation cases in the United States. While to the end Qathafi insisted that the uprising in Libya was the work of outsiders who were wasting their time because he lived “in a place where you can’t get me - I live in the hearts of millions,” he was actually found hiding a drain pipe and was, ahem, shot in a crossfire with loyalists, and absolutely was not executed by his Libyan brothers who loved him so.
Not kicking ass or taking hyphenated names is Phil, who listed him in 2008