He is Gone, Goodbye

Or

Kiner Koffin Korner

(An epitaphany shared with Phil)

Or

Cruel to Be Kiner 

(Tip o’ the cap to Phil)

Or

No Longer Finer to Be Kiner

(Props to Phil)

Or

He Just Malapropped Dead

(Phil, going for the grammatically correct, but punny)

Ralph Kiner, who attacked National League pitchers and the English language with equal fervor, has died at the age of 91. Kiner was one of baseball’s most feared sluggers for the first 8 years of his career, winning HR titles in each of his first 7 and joining Babe Ruth as the only players at the time to hit 40 HRs in 5 consecutive seasons. But his career ended after only 10 seasons with some of the NL’s worst teams – the Pittsburgh Pirates and Chicago Cubs – due to a back injury, and he narrowly secured election to the baseball Hall of Fame, with just 2 votes more than the minimum required in his final year of eligibility. The lack of appreciation extended to his own front office, where after leading the league in HRs for the 42-112 Pirates in 1952, he got a pay cut, with General Manager Branch Rickey explaining, “We finished last with you, we can finish last without you.” For most, Kiner is more readily recognizable for his decades in the broadcast booth with the New York Mets, where he was famed for his malaprops, calling Gary Carter “Gary Cooper” and suggesting that “If Casey Stengel were alive, he’d be spinning in his grave,” for his lack of awareness, taking a call from a Mr. “Al Kahalic” during a post game segment of Kiner’s Korner, and for not nipping McCarver’s broadcasting career in the bud before he could escape and harm others. Kiner did submit a classic line, referring to Philadelphia Phillies’ Gold Glove Center Fielder Garry Maddox: “Two thirds of the earth is covered by water, the other third is covered by Garry Maddox.”