Not Spinning in Her Grave

Or

Reno 911… Too Late

Janet Reno, who allegedly was the United States’ first female Attorney General, and was definitely its 2^nd longest-serving, has died of complications of Parkinson’s at the age of 78. After time as the State’s Attorney for Dade County where her controversial way of gathering evidence led to acquittals for a number of child abusers, her spinster status allowed her to avoid the undocumented nanny issues that thwarted the nominations of President Clinton’s first two choices. She vowed that she ‘didn’t do spin’ in discussing her job, so among the highlights of her tenure were the successful killings of David Koresh and 85 other Branch Davidians in Waco, Texas; the persecution of Ted Kaczynski, America’s favorite Luddite, including Reno’s violation of his copyright on his Manifesto; the aggressive opposition to the urban renewal efforts of Timothy McVeigh and Terry Nichols in Oklahoma City; challenging the idea that any press is good press by suggesting Richard Jewell was the Olympic Park bomber, not the hero whose quick actions saved countless lives and the touching reunion of Elian Gonzalez with his father in Cuba at gunpoint. She was defeated in the primary while running for governor of Florida, and devoted the rest of her life to dance parties.