Sidelined

Or

Craig and the Amazing Technicolor Death Shroud

(Props to Phil)

Craig Sager, whose outrageous wardrobe served to distract from the utter pointlessness of sideline reporting, has died of leukemia at the age of 65. Since college, Sager sought an up-close view of sports. At Northwestern, he suited up as Willie the Wildcat and taunted Ohio State fans after an upset football win. As a stringer in Atlanta on April 8, 1974, he ran onto the field for an interview after Hank Aaron hit his 715^th HR. He slept in Seattle Slew’s stable the night before the 1977 Belmont Stakes where the thoroughbred won the Triple Crown, saving a pile of shit as a memento. Collecting crap would come to be his stock in trade. After stints with local TV and CNN, Sager joined Turner Sports, where he brought his basketball knowledge and closet full of pastels, neons, paisleys, TV test patterns, plaids and Rorschach tests to highlight pregame and between period interviews with sweaty players telling him they need to play harder and get more open shots and cranky coaches rolling their eyes while being asked why their team wasn’t winning. His rarefied status among the ranks of the useless is typified in an exchange with renowned misanthrope Gregg Popovich: “This is the first time I’ve enjoyed doing this ridiculous interview we’re required to do, and that’s because you’re here and you’re back with us. Now ask me a couple of inane questions.”