A Confederacy of Dunces

Or

The Oldest Living Confederate Widow Sells Soul
Gold-digger Alberta Martin, the last widow of a Confederate soldier, has died at the age of 97. A 21-year-old widow with a son she was struggling to raise, she married then-81-year-old William Jasper Martin in 1927. The South did rise again, and 10 months later, they had a son. The old soldier faded away in 1931, and 2 months later, Martin secured an even larger portion of the inheritance by marrying his grandson, creating a family bonsai tree. Ms. Martin was living in poverty and obscurity until 1996, when she was discovered by the Sons of Confederate Veterans, who appealed to the Alabama Senate to secure her a Confederate widow’s pension. Always willing to live in the past, the Senate happily obliged.