Riding the slimy chute to hell

Gene Scott, the wackiest, most entertaining televangelist ever, has died at the age of 75 after suffering a stroke. Most of us stumbled upon him while flipping the late-night channels to find his ranting, rambling sermons which amounted to little more than begging for money, much like any other televangelist, but the sheer lunacy made it worth watching. In order to pump up the donation, he might sit silently smoking a cigar, or let viewers know that "A skinflint may get to Heaven, but what awaits him are a rusty old halo, a skinny old cloud, and a robe so worn it scratches. First-class salvation costs money," or simply yell into the camera, "Get on the telephone!" For those who didn't send money, Scott suggested: "Vomit on yourself with your head up in the air." Through his efforts, the Protestant Los Angeles University Cathedral grew to 15,000 members and raised millions of dollars, all of which Rev. Scott could use however he saw fit, as dictated in the pledge slips donors signed. He spent lavishly on himself, with a private jet, mansion, horse farms and chauffeured limos, and on charity, raising $2 million for the fire-damaged Los Angeles Central Library and donating $20,000 to save the Museum in Black from eviction. Unlike his brethren, he did not condemn homosexuals, arguing that Jesus accepted him as he was, so he would accept them as they are. But he could take a political stand, as during the first Gulf War, he encouraged President Bush to "Nuke 'em in the name of Jesus!"