Walton’s Mountain

Or

Watch out for falling planes

(Props to Monty)

Or

Goodbye, John-Boy
(More kudos to Monty)

Professional Wal-Mart scion John Walton died in the crash of his experimental, ultralight aircraft shortly after take off in Wyoming. The middle of Sam Walton’s three sons, John donated millions to provide low-income families with the opportunity to attend private schools as a means to assuage the familial guilt over the ruination of countless smaller competitors that created more low-income families and employment practices that ensure a desperate, benefit-less workforce. At the time of his death, Walton was listed as the 11th richest man in the world, with an approximate worth of $18.2 billion, tied with his younger brother, one spot below his older brother and one spot above his sister and mother.