Wipe Out

(Props to Jon)

Or
Squeezed Out
(An epitaphany shared with Mark)

Or
The Final Squeeze
(Accolades for Dawn)
Dick Wilson, who’s been wiping his ass for free for 40 years, has died at the age of 91. Wilson is best known as a face on the commercial Mount Rushmore, between Madge the Palmolive Lady and Clara “Where’s the Beef” Peller as anal retentive grocer George Whipple, forever admonishing his clientele from squeezing the Charmin in more than 500 commercials, usually before being caught giving the rolls a little squeeze himself. For his service for king, country and bunghole, Proctor & Gamble gave him a free lifetime supply of Charmin. Other roles included a recurring drunk on Bewitched, occasional POW Captain Gruber on Hogan’s Heroes, and Dino Baroni, second in command to Mayor Mario Lugatto when McHale’s Navy made the counter-historical move from the South Pacific to Voltafiore, Italy.

For those still feverishly checking the roster at the Motion Picture and Television Hospital, 10 days, 1 hour, 2 minutes.