William Safire Died.*

(* Not particularly interesting or amusing, but I wanted to ensure this obituary included at least one sentence with complete grammatical accuracy. Or is it insure…?)

Or
We Didn’t Start William Safire

Or
No more Whoppers Jr. for him!
(Kudos to Michelle)
William Safire, anal retentive grammarian, Nixon speechwriter and Pulitzer Prize-winning columnist, has died of pancreatic cancer at the age of 79. The cunning linguist was an acolyte of alliteration and assonance, delighting in such blunt bon mots as “nattering nabobs of negativism” and “hopeless, hysterical hypochondriacs of history.” In addition to his 32 years afflicting the comfortable of nations near and far, Safire legendarily leveraged a litany of lexicographical legerdemain into a New York Times column “On Language,” offering such helpful guidance as remember to never split an infinitive, take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors, proofread carefully to see if you words out, avoid cliches like the plague, and don’t overuse exclamation marks!!