No One Wants a Charlie in a Box

Or
Sorry Charlie

Or
Charlie Meets His Angels
(An epitaphany shared with Terrence)

Or
Bachelor Corpse

Or
The Powers that Were
John Forsythe, best remembered for a performance he literally phoned in, has died of pneumonia related to his battle with cancer at the age of 92. For decades he put his pretty boy looks to good use in such schlocky comedies and melodramas as It Happens Every Thursday, The Glass Web, The Ambassador's Daughter, and as the horny idiot Senate candidate in the MST3Ked Kitten with a Whip. Alfred Hitchcock thought enough of him to cast him in the comic mystery The Trouble with Harry and the cold war thriller Topaz, but he was always more interested in his blonde leading ladies. Then one night in 1976, Gig Young was too drunk to record a voice-over for a pilot. Aaron Spelling called Forsythe to the studio. Forsythe showed up late that night, still wearing his robe under an overcoat and one take later, TV history was made as he became Charles Townsend, unseen wealthy entrepreneur who sends jiggly chicks to solve crimes. Five years later, he swept in at the last minute for Spelling again, taking Dynasty away from George Peppard. As Blake Carrington, he got to watch wet catfights between Joan Collins and Linda Evans while Peppard rode around in a van with Mr. T, 35 pounds of gold, and a guy who talked to a dead lobster. Other notable appearances included the lead investigator in In Cold Blood, Bill Murray’s dead but chatty former boss in Scrooged, dimwitted senator William Franklin Powers in the short-lived Norman Lear effort The Powers that Be and Bentley Gregg, swinging single taking care of his orphaned niece in Bachelor Father.

Hoping to continue my own dynasty, I move into first place with my Tremendous Undertaking, with James sharing the hit and joining me atop the leaderboard. Dogpiling at 11th are Michelle’s (Mostly) American Way of Death, Ern’s Old Man Pool, Mark’s Angels With Wrinkled Faces VI: Their Last Assignment and Nancy H. Having a not so good Friday? Marlene, who dropped him after 2008.