Snapped into His LAST Slim Jim!!!

(Props to Terrence Walsh)

Or
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Noooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!
Rando “Macho Man” Savage, who led the 1974 Tampa Tarpons with 9 home runs and 66 RBI, has died at the age of 58 after suffering a heart attack while driving that caused him to lose control of his car. Rather than the Jaws of Life, rescuers were able to free him from the wreck using a Slim Jim. Strutting into the ring with Technicolor cowboy hats, outlandish sunglasses that would make Italian men cringe, fringed jackets, oiled muscles and a bandana to the strains of “Pomp and Circumstance,” Savage was perfectly cast as a wrestler who shared his nom de ring with a song by the Village People. He emerged as one of the biggest stars of the homoerotic soap opera that is professional wrestling, starting as a heel, until a feud with The Honky Tonk Man ended up with Savage’s wife/manager Miss Elizabeth begging Hulk Hogan to save Savage and he switched sides to form the Mega Powers with Hogan, but then Hogan accidentally eliminated Savage during a Royal Rumble. Jealous of Hogan, who had now taken Miss Elizabeth as his manager, Savage turned heel on Hogan, abandoning him in a tag team match against the Twin Towers and then challenging him for heavyweight and tag team titles. Other story lines, er, phases of his personal development, included a snit fit when the Ultimate Warrior wouldn’t grant him a shot at the title after his title bout with Sgt. Slaughter, before Savage and Warrior later teamed as heroes, and a romantic rekindling after Elizabeth left the audience to rescue Savage who was getting abused by Sensational Queen Sherri. Non ring roles included stretching to play wrestler Bone Saw McGraw in Spider-Man and voicing Space Ghost’s grandfather on Space Ghost Coast to Coast.