Saturday, June 05, 2004

Mourning in America

Or
Deadtime for Ronzo

Or
Death Valley Days
Ronald Wilson Reagan, former B-actor turned 40th president of the United States, died Saturday at the age of 93. Either the heroic Cold Warrior who brought down Communism or a doddering old man who lost control of his government, how you view his legacy probably depends on which side of the aisle you call home, but we can all agree on two things – he wasn’t a very good actor, and he’s dead.

He got his start as a baseball broadcaster, honing his skills for deception by recreating games from teletype accounts and passing them off as live broadcasts. From there he crossed into movies, with a largely unremarkable career, often in cowboy or military roles, with such highlights as George Gipp in Knute Rockne: All American, and opposite a chimp in Bedtime for Bonzo. During his acting career, he twice held the office of President of the Screen Actors Guild, during which time he fully supported the McCarthy witch hunt, ignoring the plight of dozens of blacklisted actors.

In 1980, with American pride at an all time low, Reagan’s amiable patriotism gave the country a much-needed boost, and he won a surprisingly easy election over incumbent Jimmy Carter. He also proved remarkably popular in Iran, as in a stunning coincidence the 52 Americans held hostage there were released on his inauguration day, which surely had nothing to do with any negotiations on his part. Other scandals that failed to stick to the Teflon Ron included the Iran-Contra arms deal and the Housing Urban Development scandal, as a total of 29 members of the Reagan Administration were convicted of a number of offenses while more than 30 others were fired or resigned for legal or ethical violations. For those scoring at home, that’s 29 more convictions than occurred during the Clinton Administration.

Reagan also had the good fortune of being in the right place when 40 years of Communism’s imponderable weight caused the Soviet Union to begin to collapse onto itself. Probably a bit of karmic balance after being in the wrong place at the wrong time while John Hinckley was helping Jodie Foster decide to become a lesbian.

Other career highlights included blaming air pollution on trees, declaring that ketchup counted as a vegetable in school lunches, introducing trickle-down economics that widened the gap between rich and poor to all-time highs and ballooning the deficit to heights heretofore unseen in peacetime.

In 1994, Reagan revealed he had Alzheimer’s Disease in a poignant letter to America, and largely remained out of the public eye for the next decade as the cruel disease slowly pushed him farther into the darkness. Ironically, Nancy Reagan has taken up the cause of stem cell research as a possible future cure for Alzheimer’s and other diseases, a stance putting her at odds with many of her husband’s old conservative allies.

A man of considerable charisma and optimism, Reagan’s role in restoring America’s belief in itself and prestige around the world is immeasurable. His role in the scandals that marred his Presidency will forever be debated. But his geniality, warmth and easy one-liners (see partial listing below) carried him to two overwhelming victories in Presidential elections, and he left office as one of the most popular presidents of all time.

As the Great Communicator, Reagan was a source of amusement throughout his career, both intentionally and unintentionally. A sampling:

"I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself."

"I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency — even if I'm in a Cabinet meeting."

"Well, I learned a lot....I went down to (Latin America) to find out from them and (learn) their views. You'd be surprised. They're all individual countries"

"My fellow Americans. I'm pleased to announce that I've signed legislation outlawing the Soviet Union. We begin bombing in five minutes." –joking during a mike check before his Saturday radio broadcast

"I don't know. I've never played a governor." –asked by a reporter in 1966 what kind of governor he would be

"Facts are stupid things." –at the 1988 Republican National Convention, attempting to quote John Adams, who said, "Facts are stubborn things"

"Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first."

"Trees cause more pollution than automobiles."

"All the waste in a year from a nuclear power plant can be stored under a desk."

"They say hard work never hurt anybody, but I figure why take the chance."

"There is absolutely no circumstance whatever under which I would accept that spot. Even if they tied and gagged me, I would find a way to signal by wiggling my ears." –on possibly being offered the vice presidency in 1968

"You can tell a lot about a fella's character by whether he picks out all of one color or just grabs a handful." –explaining why he liked to have a jar of jelly beans on hand for important meetings

"The state of California has no business subsidizing intellectual curiosity." –responding to student protests on college campuses during his tenure as California governor

"Approximately 80 percent of our air pollution stems from hydrocarbons released by vegetation, so let's not go overboard in setting and enforcing tough emission standards from man-made sources."

"Recession is when your neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours. And recovery is when Jimmy Carter loses his."

"We are trying to get unemployment to go up, and I think we're going to succeed."

"As a matter of fact, Nancy never had any interest in politics or anything else when we got married."

"I've noticed that everyone who is for abortion has already been born."

"I'm afraid I can't use a mule. I have several hundred up on Capitol Hill." –refusing a gift of a mule

"What we have found in this country, and maybe we're more aware of it now, is one problem that we've had, even in the best of times, and that is the people who are sleeping on the grates, the homeless who are homeless, you might say, by choice."

"My name is Ronald Reagan. What's yours?" –introducing himself after delivering a prep school commencement address. The individual responded, "I'm your son, Mike," to which Reagan replied, "Oh, I didn't recognize you."

"Politics is just like show business. You have a hell of an opening, you coast for awhile, you have a hell of a closing."

"What does an actor know about politics?" –criticizing Ed Asner for opposing American foreign policy

"What makes him think a middle-aged actor, who's played with a chimp, could have a future in politics?" -on Clint Eastwood's bid to become mayor of Carmel

"How can a president not be an actor?" -when asked "How could an actor become president?'

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