Champion and New Challenges
Sorry for the delay in the announcements. A late death screwed up a list, so we had to go into injury time. Plus, my shoulder is a little sore from all the twisting to pat myself on the back.
What a year – with 32 hits, not only did we crush the previous record (19), but we had 10 lists that would have beaten last year’s winner.
Results are unofficial as we wait a few days to see if any one notices that Brooke Astor failed to show up for her high colonic, although she’s worth a billion dollars, so I’m pretty sure there’s someone on staff who holds a mirror under her nose every 15 minutes just to check. And so, as the 2005 George Harrison Invitational Dead Pool draws to a close, please join me in praise of…. me. After 4 years of running this thing, I finally get my lap in the winner’s circle, without the embarrassing fence-climbing or milk showers.
A few prepared remarks… I’d like to thank Eddie Albert, Al Lopez, Johnny Oates, Pope John Paul II, Rosa Parks, Barbara Bel Geddes and Hank Stram, without whom none of this would have been possible. I regret that they had but 7 lives to give for my candidacy. I’d like to thank my worthy competitors for not being as good as me. When I left my humble village 14 years ago to come to this country, I dreamt of a day when I could run a semi-morbid contest among friends, and not only has that dream come true, but today I’m king of the underworld. Now that I am champion, I demand a banquet with the finest meats and cheeses in all the land. I am a golden god. You will bow down before me, son of Jor-El.
And now, here’s a look back at the year that was and at those who aren’t anymore, with mad (and legitimate this time) thanks to Karen Siugzda for her technical assistance. The 2006 kick off will follow momentarily.
And right back onto the horse to try to defend my 2005 George Harrison Invitational Dead Pool crown, we’re off for the 5th Annual GHIDP. I expect big things after last year’s 32 hits. We are up to 49 entries this year, with 227 potential coffin dwellers, a new high. And that doesn’t count the 3 people who were already dead but were submitted anyway. I’ll spare the offenders public disclosure, but one offender actually scored points last year for 2 of them and the other died in 1990.
A sneak preview – in 3 out of the first 4 years, the most picked potential daisy-pusher-upper has died, doling out scant points to a large number of contestants. This year that honor goes to…. Lady Bird Johnson, with 15, ediging out Brooke Astor’s 14. Start preparing your headlines. The Widow Johnson also ties Pope JPII with the most overall selections.
As Mark Coen predicted when he emerged from the spider hole of history, W. Mark Felt, aka Mr. Deep Throat, is our Rookie of the Year, landing on 8 lists after never having been picked before. Charles Lane was a close second with 7, so I guess I’m not the only one who watched the 2005 TV Land Awards.
The new and improved spreadsheet has the entries (1), a breakdown of how many times peeps were picked so you don’t have to do the math to see how many points Al “Grampa” Lewis is worth (2.85714286) (2), headlines (3), the all-time targets, to track tends (4), the reapers so you can track your own success – active names in bold (5), average top finish – yes, we’re all technically first, but I didn’t want the 6 newbies to get too full of themselves (6), and past year’s final results and headlines. The early years are a little spotty as my neuroses had yet to fully take hold.
I’ll see many of you and/or your designated representatives in the next couple weeks. Otherwise, let’s see the cash.
What a year – with 32 hits, not only did we crush the previous record (19), but we had 10 lists that would have beaten last year’s winner.
Results are unofficial as we wait a few days to see if any one notices that Brooke Astor failed to show up for her high colonic, although she’s worth a billion dollars, so I’m pretty sure there’s someone on staff who holds a mirror under her nose every 15 minutes just to check. And so, as the 2005 George Harrison Invitational Dead Pool draws to a close, please join me in praise of…. me. After 4 years of running this thing, I finally get my lap in the winner’s circle, without the embarrassing fence-climbing or milk showers.
A few prepared remarks… I’d like to thank Eddie Albert, Al Lopez, Johnny Oates, Pope John Paul II, Rosa Parks, Barbara Bel Geddes and Hank Stram, without whom none of this would have been possible. I regret that they had but 7 lives to give for my candidacy. I’d like to thank my worthy competitors for not being as good as me. When I left my humble village 14 years ago to come to this country, I dreamt of a day when I could run a semi-morbid contest among friends, and not only has that dream come true, but today I’m king of the underworld. Now that I am champion, I demand a banquet with the finest meats and cheeses in all the land. I am a golden god. You will bow down before me, son of Jor-El.
And now, here’s a look back at the year that was and at those who aren’t anymore, with mad (and legitimate this time) thanks to Karen Siugzda for her technical assistance. The 2006 kick off will follow momentarily.
And right back onto the horse to try to defend my 2005 George Harrison Invitational Dead Pool crown, we’re off for the 5th Annual GHIDP. I expect big things after last year’s 32 hits. We are up to 49 entries this year, with 227 potential coffin dwellers, a new high. And that doesn’t count the 3 people who were already dead but were submitted anyway. I’ll spare the offenders public disclosure, but one offender actually scored points last year for 2 of them and the other died in 1990.
A sneak preview – in 3 out of the first 4 years, the most picked potential daisy-pusher-upper has died, doling out scant points to a large number of contestants. This year that honor goes to…. Lady Bird Johnson, with 15, ediging out Brooke Astor’s 14. Start preparing your headlines. The Widow Johnson also ties Pope JPII with the most overall selections.
As Mark Coen predicted when he emerged from the spider hole of history, W. Mark Felt, aka Mr. Deep Throat, is our Rookie of the Year, landing on 8 lists after never having been picked before. Charles Lane was a close second with 7, so I guess I’m not the only one who watched the 2005 TV Land Awards.
The new and improved spreadsheet has the entries (1), a breakdown of how many times peeps were picked so you don’t have to do the math to see how many points Al “Grampa” Lewis is worth (2.85714286) (2), headlines (3), the all-time targets, to track tends (4), the reapers so you can track your own success – active names in bold (5), average top finish – yes, we’re all technically first, but I didn’t want the 6 newbies to get too full of themselves (6), and past year’s final results and headlines. The early years are a little spotty as my neuroses had yet to fully take hold.
I’ll see many of you and/or your designated representatives in the next couple weeks. Otherwise, let’s see the cash.
posted by The Grim Reaper at 11:23 PM
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