Pardon Me, Do You Have Any Gray Papon?

Or
Vichy Sois

Or
The Final Collaboration

Or
Veni, Vidi, Vichy
(They came, they saw, he surrendered)
Maurice Papon, the original Cabernet-swilling, baguette-sucking surrender monkey, has offered up his final collaboration when his heart capitulated at 96. Papon was a French civil servant when the German tanks came, and stuck around to keep the trains running for the new overlords. Especially the trains to Auschwitz and Buchenwald, as Papon’s signature was found on orders that sent thousands of Jews to their deaths. Papon later testified that he and his fellow gutless sell-outs had been balancing German demands against the interests of France and of the Jews. Guess who won? Papon’s ass kissing skills came in handy, as he made enough friends in the Resistance to have them vouch for him after the war and he resumed his civil service career under Charles de Gaulle’s wing, eventually taking over the police. During his tenure as top cop, between 40 and 200 Algerians were killed by police during a demonstration and their bodies dumped in the Seine, a prominent Moroccan disappeared and several Frenchmen were killed during another demonstration. He then entered politics and rising to the rank of government minister. In 1981, the transportation documents with his signature came to light, and in a scant 14 years, Papon was put on trial, with Papon claiming it was a show trial and ironically comparing himself to Alfred Dreyfus. He was convicted of complicity in Nazi crimes against humanity, but served only 3 years of his 10-year sentence due to his age, heart condition and the French judicial system making as much sense as the rules to bid whist. In acknowledging his passing French President Jacques Chirac said, “Of course he surrendered. It is in our DNA. He just enjoyed it a little too much.” Chirac then surrendered his Louis XIV desk as part of the terms of ending the interview.

Kirsti was Papon’s final collaborator, scoring 20 points to put her You’ve Got a Date With an Angel (of Death) team in the 6-person dogpile in 10th.