Kurt Nap and Dirt Naps

From the Cat’s Cradle to the Grave
(Kudos to Don)

Or
Gut Shot
(Further props to Don)

Or
The Final Kurtain
(Stolen from the Derby Dead Pool, where I continue the lulling phase in 110th place)

Or
So It Goes
Kurt Vonnegut, ghostwriter for Krusty the Clown and Thornton Melon, who clearly did not know anything about the novels of Kurt Vonnegut and cost Melon a chance to graduate summa cum laude, has become unstuck in time following brain injuries suffered after a fall at his apartment in Manhattan at the age of 84. One of the foremost literary satirists since Mark Twain, Vonnegut wrote 14 darkly comic novels, most notably Cat’s Cradle, Breakfast of Champions, God Bless You Mr. Rosewater and Slaughterhouse-Five, a semiautobiographical work referencing his time as a POW during the firebombing of Dresden during World War II. Vonnegut often used science fiction as a means to explore themes such as authority, militarism, man's place in the universe and sex.

One Pooligan celebrates with the Breakfast of Champions, or at least the Breakfast of 18th Place, as Don Nee, the Russell Branyan of the Dead Pool with his go big or go home approach scores his second hit in 4 years. Dawn and Monty both elected to remove the suicidal chain-smoking octogenarian from their lists prematurely, the third missed hit for Monty.

Dirt Nappy Ho
(More merits for Don, finding a silver lining in the unfortunateness of the last couple weeks)

Or
Leid to Rest
Don Ho, best known for his 1997 cover of Shock the Monkey, has died of heart failure, despite the finest health care Thailand has to offer, at the age of 76. In the 1960s, he introduced Hawaiian music to mainlanders curious about this new state, although there was later backlash from native Hawaiians for his slick commercial approach. He created a niche for himself as the Wayne Newton of the islands, with no trip to Waikiki being complete without a visit to his nightclub for his laidback, half-drunk slurred charm and all the flower-shirted schmaltz you could stand, including opening and closing every show with his signature tune: Tiny Bubbles. At the peak of his popularity he also showed up everywhere from a building Batman and Robin were climbing to cameos when Jeannie and Major Nelson, the Bradys, Charlie's Angels or Sanford and Son went on vacation as a human prop to show - no, really, we're in Hawaii.

With the solo hit, Dawn Nee's "Go for the light, it's right there, damn it" is poised to take over first place for the first time since 2-2-06. The new leaderboard:

1st Dawn Nee - Go for the light, it's right there damn it 3 hits, 31.53846154 points
2nd Mark Coen - Beltway Boneyard IV: Foreign Exchange 3 hits, 14.395604398 points
3rd Nancy Van Brundt 3 hits, 13.53846154 points
4th Matt Harper-Nixon 3 hits, 10.20512821 points
5th W. Scott Monty - The U.N. Dead 2 hits, 30 points



Hart Stoppage
Johnny Hart, cartoon mastermind behind the bossy chick, the buxom chick, the peg-legged caveman, the clumsy guy with glasses, the grunting hairball and those undistinguishable characters from the comic strip B.C. died of a stroke at his storyboard at the age of 76. Somehow, Hart's poorly drawn ants, dinosaurs and cavemen managed to offend many, such as an Easter Sunday strip that depicted a menorah transforming into a cross, which some took to show that Christianity superseded Judaism, many papers refused to print some religious-themed strips, and a certain Lutheran from Wisconsin who doesn't believe in dinosaurs because they aren't specifically mentioned in the Bible. Hart also employed his weak artist skills to The Wizard of Id, a co-creation detailing the inept leader of a poorly run country.

Boxed
Roscoe Lee Browne, a character actor known for his regal bearing, deep voice and resemblance to Ludwig Von Drake, has died at the age of 81. The Woodbury, NJ native spent most of his career was spent on the stage, but he did make some notable cameo appearances on television, most notably Saunders, Benson's replacement on Soap. Other roles included Mr. Moore's predecessor as head of the IHP class on Head of the Class, an Emmy-winning spot as Cliff and Clair Huxtable's professors at Hillman College, an Emmy-nominated spot as an escaped convict on Barney Miller, Box on Logan's Run, Hilton's brother on Cosby and Rosemont, leader of the evil underworld group The Thirteen that was bent on destroying the world economy on Falcon Crest. Browne also lent his voice to Epic Movie, Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties and Babe.

Licensed to Croak
(Accolades for Jon)
Barry Nelson, the first man to play Jimmy Bond on the screen, has died at the age of 86. He spent more than half a century on stage, starring in many Broadway comedies of the 1950s and 1960s, such as The Moon is Blue, Cactus Flower and Seascape and winning a Tony nomination for Best Actor in The Act. In an Americanized version of Casino Royale in 1954, he played Jimmy Bond, 8 years before Sean Connery in Dr. No. He was the manager of the world's worst hotel in The Shining - no guests, just ghosts. And in a cruel irony for Craig, he played Col. Paul Tibbetts, Jr. in The Beginning or the End. He fulfilled two generations' worth of rights of passage for inclusion in a GHI write-up - starring in The Twilight Zone classic Stopover in a Sleepy Town, where he and his wife get drunk at party and try to make their way home, only to discover the town they have ended up in was all set dressing for a giant little girl, and playing Arthur Elrod, Sue Ellen's attorney in one of the many custody battles with J.R. Ewing over John Ross on Dallas.

Death, Here is Thy Stingley
Darryl Stingley, who served 30 years as a living symbol of what can happen when you mix testosterone and over-developed pituitary cases in a violent little Sunday afternoon ritual, has died at the age of 55 of complications related to his paralysis. Stingley was a 26-year-old wide receiver for the New England Patriots playing in an exhibition game against the Oakland Raiders when Jack "The Assassin" Tatum didn't let the fact that a pass intended for Stingley was
completely uncatchable deter him from lowering his shoulder and forearm into the unprotected receiver. Stingley was left a quadriplegic and spent his life working with disabled children, while Tatum's reputation as a dirty player seeking to injure opponents was cemented. They never discussed the incident; the only time Tatum attempted to make contact just happened to coincide with the publication of his autobiography.