Stolichnaya Con Dios

Or
Sobering News
(Kudos to Tom)

Or
We Will Bury Him
(More Props to Tom)

Or
Boris Badenov

Or
Got His Pinko-slip
Boris Yeltsin, the second nesting doll in Russia’s transition from Communist oppression to democratically elected oppression, has died of vodka-soaked heart failure at the age of 76. If Mikhail Gorbachev sipped from the snifter of democracy with his proposed reforms, Yeltsin did a keg stand, shutting down the Communist party, seizing its assets and then ceding power to the “independent” states. Yeltsin approached reforms like a drunken yak, eschewing measured reforms for a wide-open approach that led to uncontrolled prices that impoverished millions. Luckily, the already lagging state health care suffered dramatically and in a population purge that would have made Stalin proud more than 2 million Russians died, helping to eliminate those beneath the poverty line. The image of Yeltsin as the crusading reformer quickly was replaced with that of a drunken, ailing crank prone to rambling, incoherent public statements as he watched helplessly while the newly formed private sector walked away with everything from real estate to oil rights to nuclear weapons. In a bit of irony, he brutally put down several Communist coup attempts and tried to crush a rebellion in Chechnya, eventually creating a new Constitution that gave the president wide and virtually unassailable powers, which his chosen successor Vladimir Putin has used to great advantage. When he stunned the world by resigning in 1999, his approval rating was down to about 2%.

Two Pooligans saw this commie-ing and take 10 points each. Paul’s Bunch of Stiffs scores its second hit in a week to pull into a tie at 4th, while Tom’s Addition by Subtraction benefits from his 3 years of patience to move into 14th. Less patient: Monty, who dropped him two years ago, his 4th premature evacuation of the year.