You Ain't Got a Thing if You Didn't Have This King
Malietoa tag
King Malietoa Tanumafili II, the oldest and one of the longest-reigning monarchs in the world, has died at the age of 94. The monarch of Samoa, four teeny typhoon-prone islands smaller in the South Pacific than Rhode Island whose economy depends on the dole and hand-outs from relatives who escaped, had ruled since 1940, though the 1989 Samoan Constitution left him with about as much authority as the pit boss at the Bellagio. Only King Bhumibol Adulyadej of Thailand, who has reigned since 1946, and Queen Elizabeth II of Britain, who ascended to the throne in 1952, have squandered public resources longer. King Malietoa attended the King of Tonga’s birthday party every year, went to the 1984 Summer Olympics, visited China in 1976 and sat shiva at Emperor Hirohito’s funeral in 1989. He had parents, a late wife and kids. That’s it. That’s all I could find. Even the official website of the government of Samoa hasn’t been updated to acknowledge that he’s dead.
Mark’s obscure oligarch strategy finally pays off and his Royally Old squad pulls into the dogpile in 22nd.
Not so Newsom
Before Warren Zevon was The Excitable Boy, Tommy Newsom was Mr. Excitement. And now they have something else in common. Newsom, Doc Severinsen’s caddy as bandleader on The Tonight Show, has died at the age of 78 of cancer, not, as Johnny Carson once speculated, of natural dullness. In his 30-year career, Newsom was noted as a gifted musician, and an easy target in conservative brown suits. Carson dubbed him “the man from bland,” “Mr. Excitement” and the “comatose commander,” but never questioned his talent as Newsom published hundreds of arrangements and compositions. Newsom’s stone-faced acceptance and deadpan retorts made viewers look forward to Doc’s side gigs and Ed’s benders when Doc filled in on the couch. Eschewing tan for the day, Newsom once took the stage in a bright yellow suit, prompting Carson to say “Look at that big, dumb canary.” “You’ll know what kind of bird I am when I fly over you,” Newsom.
A Little Dabbs Will Do You
Or
The Grass Is Greer On the Other Side
Character actor Dabbs Greer has died at the age of 90. His longest recurring role was Rev. Robert Alden on "Little House on the Prairie," but keen-eyed observers also remember him as the minister who helped the group of Bradys and Martins somehow form a family, despite Fluffy’s and Tiger’s best efforts. He wore the cloth on Picket Fences as well as Rev. Henry Novotny. He also was the first person rescued by Superman after falling off a dirigible in the pilot episode of The Adventures of Superman. He was one of the town elders in the Twilight Zone classic In the Valley of the Shadow where a rural hamlet has established complete control over matter to the consternation of a visiting reporter. And as LA Law rushed headlong into self-parody, he played a man addicted to licking toads for the psychedelic high.
Poston-humous
Tom Poston, Bob Newhart’s good luck charm in every iteration of The Bob Newhart Show, has died at the age of 85 after a short illness that may have been related to his thyroid cancer. Poston’s career stretched back to The Steve Allen Show where he won an Emmy as The Man Who Can’t Remember His Name in Allen’s man on the street sketches. Poston had a recurring role on The Bob Newhart Show as Bob’s college roommate Cliff Murdock, aka The Peeper, then co-starred as inept but lovable handyman George Utley on Newhart, scoring 3 Emmy nominations, played Bob’s poker buddy Jerry on Bob and had a cameo on George & Leo, which didn’t last long enough for characters to recur. In between, he was Francis Delano Bickley, Mork & Mindy’s abrasive landlord, Art Hibke, Luther Van Damm’s agent/dentist on Coach, Oswald’s father (and Adrienne Barbeau’s ex) on The Drew Carey Show, Eric Foreman’s grandfather (and Betty White’s husband) on That ‘70s Show, The Capital City Goofball on The Simpsons, and, while waiting for Newhart to Hart - starring Bob Newhart and Stephanie Powers as jetsetters who solve crimes when the perpetrators confess just to stop Bob’s stammering – he was the only thing worth watching on Committed as a dying clown and The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement as a Lord of Genovia who decides Princess Mia must marry to hold the throne. Poston leaves wife Suzanne Pleshette, who he married in 2000, more than 40 years after a brief fling while they were appearing in a Broadway play together.
Actifed needs a new spokesperson
(Props to Craig)
Or
Space, it's empty, but it beats New Jersey!
(Scorn and disdain for Mr. Barker who apparently has forgotten he’s from Michigan)
Harken back to ye olden days when people gave a rat’s ass about the space program and astronauts made headlines for endurance records in orbit, not for endurance records driving from Houston to Florida in a diaper. Walter Schirra, the only man to fly in the Mercury, Gemini and Apollo programs, and the first man to eat corned beef in outer space, has died at the age of 84. Other highlights of the New Jersey native’s career included becoming the third American to orbit the earth, the first to command a spacecraft that docked with an orbiting ship, the first to perform music in space – breaking into Jingle Bells on a harmonica – which are funny floating, and the first to report a UFO, one that looked remarkably like Santa Claus during a December 1965 flight. During a 1968 Apollo flight, the first since the Apollo 1 disaster and the last warm-up before the moon mission, Schirra caught a severe cold, which he treated with Actifed, earning him a post-NASA gig as a corporate shill.
Piss Off
Cosmo Kramer once advised that when you meet a proctologist at a party, plant yourself there, because you will hear the funniest stories in your life. Apparently any doctor who spends his life twixt belt and thigh has a little different perspective. John Lattimer, the urologist who held onto Napoleon’s member longer than Napoleon himself, has died at the age of 92. Lattimer treated Nazis during the Nuremberg war trials and theorized that Adolph Hitler had advanced Parkinson’s, which had led to his erratic decisions that hastened the end of World War II. As part of the government’s dogged attempts to fully investigate the JFK assassination, this urologist was the first non-governmental expert brought in to examine Kennedy’s head and upper torso wounds. This experience led to a fascination with famous deaths and he collected the shirt Abraham Lincoln had worn the night he was shot and the shot glass that Hermann Goring used to take cyanide rather than go to the gallows. Other items in his collection included Ethan Allen’s sword, which Lattimer brandished in the 200th anniversary re-enactment of the taking of Fort Ticonderoga, and Napoleon Bonaparte’s penis, taken by the priest who performed last rites, but not brandished or used in any re-enactments of which I am aware.
King Malietoa Tanumafili II, the oldest and one of the longest-reigning monarchs in the world, has died at the age of 94. The monarch of Samoa, four teeny typhoon-prone islands smaller in the South Pacific than Rhode Island whose economy depends on the dole and hand-outs from relatives who escaped, had ruled since 1940, though the 1989 Samoan Constitution left him with about as much authority as the pit boss at the Bellagio. Only King Bhumibol Adulyadej of Thailand, who has reigned since 1946, and Queen Elizabeth II of Britain, who ascended to the throne in 1952, have squandered public resources longer. King Malietoa attended the King of Tonga’s birthday party every year, went to the 1984 Summer Olympics, visited China in 1976 and sat shiva at Emperor Hirohito’s funeral in 1989. He had parents, a late wife and kids. That’s it. That’s all I could find. Even the official website of the government of Samoa hasn’t been updated to acknowledge that he’s dead.
Mark’s obscure oligarch strategy finally pays off and his Royally Old squad pulls into the dogpile in 22nd.
Not so Newsom
Before Warren Zevon was The Excitable Boy, Tommy Newsom was Mr. Excitement. And now they have something else in common. Newsom, Doc Severinsen’s caddy as bandleader on The Tonight Show, has died at the age of 78 of cancer, not, as Johnny Carson once speculated, of natural dullness. In his 30-year career, Newsom was noted as a gifted musician, and an easy target in conservative brown suits. Carson dubbed him “the man from bland,” “Mr. Excitement” and the “comatose commander,” but never questioned his talent as Newsom published hundreds of arrangements and compositions. Newsom’s stone-faced acceptance and deadpan retorts made viewers look forward to Doc’s side gigs and Ed’s benders when Doc filled in on the couch. Eschewing tan for the day, Newsom once took the stage in a bright yellow suit, prompting Carson to say “Look at that big, dumb canary.” “You’ll know what kind of bird I am when I fly over you,” Newsom.
A Little Dabbs Will Do You
Or
The Grass Is Greer On the Other Side
Character actor Dabbs Greer has died at the age of 90. His longest recurring role was Rev. Robert Alden on "Little House on the Prairie," but keen-eyed observers also remember him as the minister who helped the group of Bradys and Martins somehow form a family, despite Fluffy’s and Tiger’s best efforts. He wore the cloth on Picket Fences as well as Rev. Henry Novotny. He also was the first person rescued by Superman after falling off a dirigible in the pilot episode of The Adventures of Superman. He was one of the town elders in the Twilight Zone classic In the Valley of the Shadow where a rural hamlet has established complete control over matter to the consternation of a visiting reporter. And as LA Law rushed headlong into self-parody, he played a man addicted to licking toads for the psychedelic high.
Poston-humous
Tom Poston, Bob Newhart’s good luck charm in every iteration of The Bob Newhart Show, has died at the age of 85 after a short illness that may have been related to his thyroid cancer. Poston’s career stretched back to The Steve Allen Show where he won an Emmy as The Man Who Can’t Remember His Name in Allen’s man on the street sketches. Poston had a recurring role on The Bob Newhart Show as Bob’s college roommate Cliff Murdock, aka The Peeper, then co-starred as inept but lovable handyman George Utley on Newhart, scoring 3 Emmy nominations, played Bob’s poker buddy Jerry on Bob and had a cameo on George & Leo, which didn’t last long enough for characters to recur. In between, he was Francis Delano Bickley, Mork & Mindy’s abrasive landlord, Art Hibke, Luther Van Damm’s agent/dentist on Coach, Oswald’s father (and Adrienne Barbeau’s ex) on The Drew Carey Show, Eric Foreman’s grandfather (and Betty White’s husband) on That ‘70s Show, The Capital City Goofball on The Simpsons, and, while waiting for Newhart to Hart - starring Bob Newhart and Stephanie Powers as jetsetters who solve crimes when the perpetrators confess just to stop Bob’s stammering – he was the only thing worth watching on Committed as a dying clown and The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement as a Lord of Genovia who decides Princess Mia must marry to hold the throne. Poston leaves wife Suzanne Pleshette, who he married in 2000, more than 40 years after a brief fling while they were appearing in a Broadway play together.
Actifed needs a new spokesperson
(Props to Craig)
Or
Space, it's empty, but it beats New Jersey!
(Scorn and disdain for Mr. Barker who apparently has forgotten he’s from Michigan)
Harken back to ye olden days when people gave a rat’s ass about the space program and astronauts made headlines for endurance records in orbit, not for endurance records driving from Houston to Florida in a diaper. Walter Schirra, the only man to fly in the Mercury, Gemini and Apollo programs, and the first man to eat corned beef in outer space, has died at the age of 84. Other highlights of the New Jersey native’s career included becoming the third American to orbit the earth, the first to command a spacecraft that docked with an orbiting ship, the first to perform music in space – breaking into Jingle Bells on a harmonica – which are funny floating, and the first to report a UFO, one that looked remarkably like Santa Claus during a December 1965 flight. During a 1968 Apollo flight, the first since the Apollo 1 disaster and the last warm-up before the moon mission, Schirra caught a severe cold, which he treated with Actifed, earning him a post-NASA gig as a corporate shill.
Piss Off
Cosmo Kramer once advised that when you meet a proctologist at a party, plant yourself there, because you will hear the funniest stories in your life. Apparently any doctor who spends his life twixt belt and thigh has a little different perspective. John Lattimer, the urologist who held onto Napoleon’s member longer than Napoleon himself, has died at the age of 92. Lattimer treated Nazis during the Nuremberg war trials and theorized that Adolph Hitler had advanced Parkinson’s, which had led to his erratic decisions that hastened the end of World War II. As part of the government’s dogged attempts to fully investigate the JFK assassination, this urologist was the first non-governmental expert brought in to examine Kennedy’s head and upper torso wounds. This experience led to a fascination with famous deaths and he collected the shirt Abraham Lincoln had worn the night he was shot and the shot glass that Hermann Goring used to take cyanide rather than go to the gallows. Other items in his collection included Ethan Allen’s sword, which Lattimer brandished in the 200th anniversary re-enactment of the taking of Fort Ticonderoga, and Napoleon Bonaparte’s penis, taken by the priest who performed last rites, but not brandished or used in any re-enactments of which I am aware.
posted by The Grim Reaper at 2:20 PM
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