Hanging Body was Kung Fu Dying

Or
Caine Not Able

Or
Grave Dave

Or
Not So Well Hung

Or
Bill Killed
(An epitaphany shared by Kirsti and Don)

Or
Carra-Die
(Further props for Kirsti)

Or
Be Still, My Exploding Heart
(Kudos to Don)

Or
No Longer Walking This Earth
(Additional accolades for Don)
Grasshopper may have misunderstood the Master’s wisdom that true happiness only comes when man can love himself. David Carradine was apparently lovin’ the lil’ locust when things went south, and he was found hanging naked in the closet of his Bangkok hotel room at the age of 72. Prior to his Michael Hutchence impersonation, Carradine was best remembered as half-Chinese, half American Shaolin monk Kwai Chang Caine wandering the 19th Century west and solving problems on Kung Fu, kind of BJ & the Bear with Zen koans instead of a chimp. That role turned into parodies for Lipton Tea and Yellow Book and a gig as a kung fu master in a Jonas Brothers video. The lasting pop culture significance also scored him a late career resurgence as a master assassin in Kill Bill, Volumes 1 and 2. In a career with more than 200 appearances on TV and in film, Carradine also answered the long-standing question as to what happened after the fade to black at the end of Shane as the star of the 1968 reprisal TV show. Shane survived, but over the course of 14 years of treatment by Indian medicine men, he grew more than a foot taller. Other roles included a 100-year-old Chinese gangster in Crank: High Voltage, Frankenstein in Death Race 2000 and a voice over in the 2008 remake, Dad in Karate Cop, and Coy ‘Cannonball’ Buckman in Cannonball!, before the movies got even more campy. He was almost as prolific in his personal life, as he was on his 5th marriage, following 4 divorces, producing two kids, plus a son, Free Carradine, with 1970s live-in lover Barbara Seagull, now known again as Barbara Hershey.

As a public service announcement, gentlemen, if you’re ever considering autoerotic asphyxiation, leave the boxers on and leave a suicide note, just in case. At least leave a little plausible deniability.