Yes, We Have No Second Banana

Or
You Are Inert, Sir
(Kudos to Don)

Or
Bye-Ooooo
(An epitaphany shared with Don)

Or
Heeeeeeeeeeeeeere’s Eternity

Or
You Are Defunct, Sir
(Cap tip to Joe)

Or
Side-kicked
(More merit for Joe)

Or
Winner of the Mortician's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes
(Additional accolades for Don)
Ed McMahon, who sat next to some of the most accomplished entertainers of the last half century, chuckling or chortling on demand, has died at the age of 86. Best remembered as Johnny Carson’s living laugh track, McMahon also let people know when funny things were said Jerry Lewis during his Labor Day Parade of the Unfortunate and Dick Clark in TV’s Bloopers and Punk’d-ings. Lowell’s favorite adopted son first met Carson in the late 1950s on the ABC quiz show, “Do You Trust Your Wife?” later “Who Do You Trust?” which Carson hosted while McMahon announced and read commercials, and when Carson was tapped to replace Jack Paar as host of The Tonight Show, he took McMahon along for the ride. Ultimately making $5 million a year, McMahon wasn’t about to upset the apple cart and absorbed Carson’s slings and arrows for outrageous fortune with rarely a peep, projecting the image of America’s drinking buddy, complete with war stories as he served as a member of the Marine Air Corps, flying 85 combat missions during the Korean War, earning six Air Medals. Self-respect long since gone, McMahon served as the Billy Mays of his day, shilling everything from Alpo to Bud Light, and from Sara Lee to Sinbad. He also sold magazines as spokesperson for the American Family Publishers and later added McMahon Perfect Vodka to his portfolio, and was most recently seen promoting the gold-buying business Cash4Gold with MC Hammer while stroking a golden toilet.