The Early Worms Get The Byrd

Or
Byrd Droppings

Or
This Byrd Has Flown
(Props to Mark)

Or
He's Pining for the Gorge
(Nicely done by Mark)

Or
Bye Bye Byrdie
(Kudos to Warren)
Senator Robert Byrd, whose leadership skills were first recognized by the Ku Klux Klan, has died at the age of 92. The longest serving Senator in history at 51 years, he was elected to the Senate 9 times, and served another 6 years in the House, as West Virginians were anxious to keep the pork flowing (although the state remains a third-world backwater, so one has to wonder where all that money went) and also to keep the Cryptkeeper out of the state. Byrd had been in the Senate so long that when he took office, the dean of the senate was Carl Hayden, who was born in the Arizona Territory. Casting a vote for Byrd was like voting for Leatherface's father from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, but he kept his seat by being adept at the more legal form of vote selling that ensured a never-ending stream of earmarked pork kept flowing through the state like wastewater out of a coal mine, and just as toxic. Billions were spent on West Virginia projects like the Robert C. Byrd Highway, two Robert C. Byrd federal buildings, the Robert C. Byrd Freeway, the Robert C. Byrd Center for Hospitality and Tourism, the Robert C. Byrd Drive, the Robert C. Byrd Biotechnology Science Center, the Robert C. Byrd Hardwood Technologies Center, the Erma Ora Byrd (aka Mrs. Robert C. Byrd) nursing building at Shepherd University and Erma Byrd Biomedical Research Center at West Virginia University. Libraries and gymnasiums apparently not so much, as the state is one of the most obese and illiterate in the union. In the early 1940s, he organized a Klan chapter in Sophia, WV, and so impressed the area grand dragon that he suggested Byrd use his talents for leadership by going into politics. A mere 20 years later, he spent more than 14 hours filibustering against the 1964 Civil Rights Act, then opposed the 1965 Voting Rights Act. As racism became less fashionable, he turned his bigotry toward homosexuals, opposing efforts to allow gays to serve in the military and endorsing efforts to ban gay marriage.