Goodbye, Ruby Doomsday

Ruby Muhammad, the human PR campaign for the bowtie set, has died at the age of 104 of lung cancer. In 1986, Nation of Islam head Louis Farrakhan named her the Mother of the Nation of Islam, despite the fact that she actually joined the nation in 1946, 7 years after it was founded, and that she had nothing to do with founder Elijah Muhammad. Either record keeping in the Nation isn’t as meticulous as their attire and Louie just assumed she was Elijah’s widow, or he decided he needed a happy, smiling, grandmotherly face to put on his shadowy cult, like how Colonel Sanders made for an adorable visage behind a narco-trafficking corporation that mixes in a secret ingredient among its 11 herbs and spices that makes you crave fried chicken fortnightly. With a Living Mrs. Butterworth in place, Minister Farrakhan was free to preach anti-Semitism, separatism, that the earth and moon were once the same thing, and that there was a $15 billion steel UFO mentioned in the Bible that still hovers over us – carrying the still living 114-year-old Elijah – and will come back and destroy America. Ruby Muhammad, meanwhile, got her own sweet ride - a motorized scooter donated for her use in her Sacramento nursing home.