Out of Harmon's Way

Or
No Longer Harmonizing
(Kudos to Monty)
Harmon Killebrew, who was not the model for the Major League Baseball no matter how much you romantics want it to be so and correcting the historical record by pointing that out does not make me a bad person, has died of esophageal cancer at the age of 74. The first Hall of Famer in Minnesota Twins history, Killebrew retired after the 1975 season in 5th place on the all-time HR list with 573, and only 2 non-roid raiders have passed him since. After the 1959-1960 NBA season, the Minneapolis Lakers left the great north woods for Los Angeles, fully intending on coming up with a more geographically relevant name, which left East Dakota bereft of major professional teams. The next year, the original Washington Senators relocated to challenge fishing, hunting and ice fishing as the most popular sports in the state. Helping make the case was Killebrew, a real-life Paul Bunyan scraping the farthest reaches of the American League’s ballparks, including the longest HR ever hit at Memorial Stadium in Baltimore, the first ball hit over the left field roof at Tiger Stadium and, most famously, a 520-foot home run at Met Stadium marked with a specially painted chair that still hangs on what is now the site of the Mall of America, overlooking the log flume ride. He also was the only man to ever hit the ball over the 471-foot center field wall at Chattanooga’s Historic Engel Stadium.