Tomb River

Or

Can't Get Used to Losing You

(Props to Monty)

Or

The Days of Wine and Decomposes

(More merit for Monty)

Or

Somewhere, Nelson Muntz Needs a Hug

Perry Como, who provided the soundtrack for Fletch’s colonoscopy, has died from complications of cancer at the age of 84 at his home in Branson, Missouri – fitting given that town’s role as the elephant’s graveyard of show business careers. The low-threat crooner came into his own in the 1960s, with his own variety series, and the only things more common then Perry Como at Christmas were itchy sweaters from grandma and bitter alcohol-fueled recriminations, despite the fact that his Happy Holidays, with its scat mindset, admonitions that “He'll be coming down the chimney, down/Coming down the chimney, down” and reminder that “It's the holiday season/With the whoop-de-do and hickory dock/And don't forget to hang up your sock,” may be the worst Christmas song ever.