Borked

(Kudos to Monty)
Robert Bork, owner of the worst combover in the Western world, has died at the age of 85. Bork was known as a conservative legal theorist who held that the Constitution offered no right to privacy or protection for minority views and groups. He opposed the 1964 Civil Rights Act, held that 1st Amendment rights only covered discussions related to the business of governing, and as Richard Nixon’s solicitor general (after the Attorney General and Deputy Attorney General resigned rather than comply) fired the special prosecutor investigating the Watergate break-in and his entire staff in the Saturday Night Massacre. Bork considered himself an originalist, holding that only those rights explicitly enumerated by the Founding Fathers were constitutional, and that every legal mind in the nearly 200 years that followed was wrong, save himself. Nominated by Ronald Reagan to the United States Supreme Court, he was soundly defeated in his confirmation vote, which some have held set the stage for the denial of confirmation for any nominee with strongly held legal beliefs, but which sounds like prevented 25 years of bad judging from the bench.