Move Over Beethoven

or

Chucky B Not So Good

(An epitaphany shared by Monty and Pat Burns)

Chuck Berry, who basically invented rock n’roll with incredible guitar licks, fancy dance moves, brash confidence and songs good enough to represent the planet to the deepest reaches of the cosmos, all of which he stole from a 5-foot-nothing time traveler, has died at the age of 90. His predilection for watching ladies pee, which cost him $1.2 million after cameras were discovered at several restaurants he owned, was all his. While the slightly more acceptable white Elvis Presley became rock’s first star and teenage heartthrob, Berry was it’s heart, soul and wit, elevating music from pop pap with songs like Johnny B. Goode, Roll Over Beethoven, Rock and Roll Music, and Sweet Little Sixteen. The true OG, Berry spent three years in reform school after a spree of car thefts and armed robbery, but redeemed himself with a degree in hairdressing and cosmetology. Eventually, he picked up a guitar, first singing R&B, pop and country, all of which he melded with his signature sound: bending two strings at once that he would rough up, the Chuck Berry lick, which would in turn be emulated by the Rolling Stones and countless others. Toss in the duck walk, a guitar-thrusting strut that involved kicking one leg forward and hopping on the other, and a legend was born. His sound influenced – or more – countless later performers. The Rolling Stones and Beatles covered many of his hits, and The Beach Boys reworked Sweet Little Sixteen into Surfin’ USA, at which point Berry sued and got a songwriting credit. For all his songwriting prowess, his biggest hit and only #1 single was 1972’s My Ding-a-Ling, a cover of a novelty song with a single entendre. Although he never won a Grammy, he did receive a lifetime achievement award in 1984 and was in the first group of musicians inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 1986. In 1977, when NASA launched the Voyager I and II spacecraft, they included a gold record including a wide range of information about life on earth to serve as a roadmap to alien invaders, and alongside Bach, Mozart, Beethoven and various regional music forms, there’s Berry’s Johnny B. Goode. So if you happen to see a phalanx of duckwalking aliens in search of someone who can play a guitar just like ringing a bell, you’ll know why.