Move Over Beethoven

or

Chucky B Not So Good

(An epitaphany shared by Monty and Pat Burns)

Chuck Berry, who basically invented rock n’roll with incredible guitar licks, fancy dance moves, brash confidence and songs good enough to represent the planet to the deepest reaches of the cosmos, all of which he stole from a 5-foot-nothing time traveler, has died at the age of 90. His predilection for watching ladies pee, which cost him $1.2 million after cameras were discovered at several restaurants he owned, was all his. While the slightly more acceptable white Elvis Presley became rock’s first star and teenage heartthrob, Berry was it’s heart, soul and wit, elevating music from pop pap with songs like Johnny B. Goode, Roll Over Beethoven, Rock and Roll Music, and Sweet Little Sixteen. The true OG, Berry spent three years in reform school after a spree of car thefts and armed robbery, but redeemed himself with a degree in hairdressing and cosmetology. Eventually, he picked up a guitar, first singing R&B, pop and country, all of which he melded with his signature sound: bending two strings at once that he would rough up, the Chuck Berry lick, which would in turn be emulated by the Rolling Stones and countless others. Toss in the duck walk, a guitar-thrusting strut that involved kicking one leg forward and hopping on the other, and a legend was born. His sound influenced – or more – countless later performers. The Rolling Stones and Beatles covered many of his hits, and The Beach Boys reworked Sweet Little Sixteen into Surfin’ USA, at which point Berry sued and got a songwriting credit. For all his songwriting prowess, his biggest hit and only #1 single was 1972’s My Ding-a-Ling, a cover of a novelty song with a single entendre. Although he never won a Grammy, he did receive a lifetime achievement award in 1984 and was in the first group of musicians inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 1986. In 1977, when NASA launched the Voyager I and II spacecraft, they included a gold record including a wide range of information about life on earth to serve as a roadmap to alien invaders, and alongside Bach, Mozart, Beethoven and various regional music forms, there’s Berry’s Johnny B. Goode. So if you happen to see a phalanx of duckwalking aliens in search of someone who can play a guitar just like ringing a bell, you’ll know why.

The Corpse Formerly Known as Prince

Or

This Is What It Sounds Like When the Doves Cry

(An epitaphany shared with Patrick)

Or

Short of Breath

(Props to Patrick)

Or

Dearly Beloved, We Are Gathered Here to Get Through this Thing Called Death

(Kudos to Erik Corley)

Or

The Artist Formerly Known as Living

(Additional accolades for Erik Corley)

Prince Rogers Nelson, best remembered for his touching cameo in the Super Bowl episode on New Girl, has died, possibly the result from overdose of pain pills, possibly from the pain itself, possibly from a severe depletion of Pantone 2602, at the age of 57. The pocket-sized purple freak has finally fulfilled his pledge to die 4 U, and I hope U can live with Urself. The funkiest person ever to come out of Minnesota (no offense, Greg) served as a songwriter for such diverse talents as Sinead O’Connor, The Bangles, Cyndi Lauper, Chaka Khan, Sheila E and MC Hammer. Along the way, he also upset Tipper Gore with his ode to masturbation, Darling Nikki, moviegoers everywhere with Purple Rain, and all other rock groups by raising the bar to unattainable levels with his 2007 Super Bowl halftime performance. And if you wanted a better obit for the music legend, you should probably find someone whose CD collection (and yes, that’s as up to date as I am) consists of more than 3 TV theme songs compilations, 4 Monty Python collections, Abbott and Costello doing Who’s on First?, the Best of the Monkees and a Best of the ‘80s set from my Entertainment Weekly subscription.

The Earth Shall Inherit the Feek

(Mad props to Don)

 

Or

One Feek Under

Or

The Death of a Songbird

Joey Feek, who helped sell lots of copies of People and Us Weekly, has died of cervical cancer at the age of 41. Best known for an Overstock.com where she and her husband / duet partner Rory forget each other’s hair color, Feek came to prominence by finishing in third place on the CMT competition show Can You Duet. Coming off that “success”, the Feeks secured a recording contract that yielded their debut album The Life of a Song, which included the top 40 hit “Cheater, Cheater,” which suggests either irony or supreme confidence. Two years later, they won the Academy of Country Music Award for top new vocal duo and top new artist, the definition of new being relative in the world of country music. As befits the country world, they released a Christmas album, a gospel album, and a Cracker Barrel exclusive album. None of the duo’s other songs ever came close to the top 40 until their 2012 song “When I’m Gone” got considerable airplay for obvious reasons in 2015 and hit #21. The country audience was sympathetic, not deaf. Feek’s illness was a boon to her career – for a while anyway – as her Hymns That Are Important to Us was released 4 months after her terminal cancer diagnosis and was their best charting hit. 

Here Kitty, Kitty… Kitty?

Or

Bury Me Mucho

Kitty Kallen, a pop singer from the Big Band era through the early days of rock and or roll has died at the age of 94. She sang with the biggest big band leaders of the 1940s, including Jimmy Dorsey – performing the vocals on his #1 hit Besame Mucho - and Harry James, and was a favorite of WWII American servicemen with They're Either Too Young or Too Old and with It's Been a Long, Long Time, which became a symbol of the end of World War II and returning troops. She established a solo career, with perhaps her best-known recording was 1954’s Little Things Mean a Lot, which was #1 for 9 weeks, was on the charts for 7 months, hit #1 on the UK singles chart, and sold more than two million copies. The song was a major contributor to being named “Most popular female singer" for 1954 by both Billboard and Variety. Then in the 3^rd act of her Behind the Music, Kallen lost her voice at the Palladium in 1955 and left singing for 4 years due to paralyzed vocal cords. She eventually resumed her career and finished with 13 top-ten career hits. She starred on Broadway in Finian's Rainbow and in the 1955 film The Second Greatest Sex. In 2009, Kallen was inducted into the Hit Parade Hall of Fame.

Tombstone Temple Pilot

Or

Blasted

 

Or

Get Out the Door

Scott Weiland has finally realized his true potential, dying of a drug overdose at 48. As the lead singer of Stone Temple Pilots and Velvet Revolver, Weiland was well known for his flamboyant and chaotic stage persona, which often included the use of a megaphone in concerts, as well as his flamboyant and chaotic off-stage persona, which included domestic violence charges, shooting up with Courtney Love, multiple arrests and the use of crack, heroin, booze and cocaine. Upon his death, he went from a derivative, past his prime artist giving lackluster performances on the unannounced farewell tour promoting his 2015 album Blaster to “the voice of a generation.” Weiland’s drug abuse and volatile personality led to several breakups by his various bands until in the ultimate insult he was finally replaced by Linkin Park’s Chester Bennington. 

The Thrill is Gone

(An epitaphany shared with Don)

Or

You Picked a Fine Time to Leave Me – Lucille

Or

How Blue Can You Get

BB King, best remembered as Malvern Gasperon in Blues Brothers 2000, has died at the age of 89 of complications of Alzheimer’s disease, congestive heart failure and diabetes, according to a very indecisive coroner. One of the most influential blues musicians of all time, King was renowned for his distinctive solos on guitar that featured fluid string bending and shimmering vibrato, a style born out of his inability to learn chords early in his career. Well, distinctive until a bunch of white guys started ripping him off. King was also known for his tireless touring, with more than 200 dates a year into his 70s, often flying himself to his gigs. Unlike many of his fellow bluesmen, he was especially noteworthy for actually showing up for his performances. One of those tours took him to Twist, Arkansas, where two men started fighting and caused a fire. King evacuated, but returned to rescue his guitar. The men, who died in the fire, had been fighting over a women named Lucille. He then named that guitar Lucille as a reminder not to fight over women or run into burning buildings. Though he had two failed marriages, King also fathered at least 15 children to a plethora of women, making one wonder what he was so blue about. 

When a Man’s Life is Over

Or

Yet Michael Bolton lives

Percy Sledge, who we have to thank for that no-talent ass clown Michael Bolton, has died of liver cancer at the age of 74. His biggest hit, "When a Man Loves a Woman", was a No. 1 hit on both the Billboard Hot 100 and R&B singles charts and went gold in 1966. Lesser hits included It Tears Me Up, Take Time to Know Her, I'll Be Your Everything and Sunshine. Sledge was an inaugural Rhythm and Blues Foundation Pioneer Award honoree in 1989 and he was inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame in 2005.

And Now it’s Lesley’s Turn to Die

Or

You Would Cry Too, If It Happened to You

Or

It's My Funeral Party

(Props to Monty)

Or

It's My Parting (and I'll Die if I Want to) 

(Kudos to Patrick)
Lesley Gore, best remembered as one of Catwoman’s minions in 2 episodes of Batman, has died of lung cancer at the age of 68. A smoky-eyed pop tart of the 1960s, Gore recorded “It’s My Party,” and the rare sequel song, “Judy’s Turn to Cry,” the feminist anthem “You Don’t Own Me,” and the Marvin Hamlisch-composed, Grammy nominated, "Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows." After a long period of “What ever happened to?”, she composed songs for the soundtrack for Fame, including the Oscar-nominated “Out Here on My Own.” 

Needs a Little Help from 6 Friends

Or

Up Where he Belongs

(Props to Mike L)

 

Or

He Ain’t Feeling Alright

(An epithany shared with Mike L.)

Joe Cocker, gravelly voiced spasmodic British blues singer and cover artist, is now powerless to stop you if you elected to get up and walk out on him, having died of lung cancer at the age of 70. Feel free to leave your hat on for the funeral. His cover of The Beatles’ "With a Little Help from My Friends" became his anthem, as he performed it at Woodstock and for Queen Elizabeth II’s Golden Jubilee, and it became the theme song to The Wonder Years. He hit #5 with a cover of You Are So Beautiful in 1974, and won a Grammy for the 1983 duet Up Where We Belong, best remembered from An Officer and a Gentleman. 

He's a Member of the Boot Hill Gang Now

(Props to Phil)

 

Or

Slowly Rotting Into Something That Looks Like Cheese

(Kudos to Joe)

Big Bank Hank Jackson, one of the men indirectly responsible for Vanilla Ice, has died of complications of cancer at the age of 58. Jackson was a member of The Sugarhill Gang, the first hip hop act to have a hit single, Rapper's Delight in 1979. As with all music popularized by black artists, it was eventually co-opted and ruined by whites, in this case, the artist formerly known as Robby Van Winkle.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ljUnyv5XUA8&feature=youtu.be

The Tide Is High, But He’s Not Holding On…

(Props to Terry Walsh)

John Holt, who owed more to Deborah Harry than he’d care to admit, has died at the age of 69. Lead singer for The Paragons, he wrote The Tide is High in 1967. The reggae song was a hit in Jamaica, and set Holt up for solo success, but was little known outside the islands until a certain platinum blonde lent her voice and made it a #1 hit for Blondie in the US and the UK. 

The Mourners Are Coming! The Mourners Are Coming!

Paul Revere, founding member of the near-miss band Paul Revere and the Raiders, has died, fittingly enough at the age of 76. Funeral arrangements will either be 1) by land or 2) by sea. Revere and the Raiders recorded Kicks, a sound alike for We Gotta Get Out of This Place, by the same songwriter. They also recorded Louie Louie in April 1963, the same month and in the same studio as The Kingsmen. It’s unclear who recorded it first, but we know which is the remembered version. They did hit platinum with Indian Reservation (The Lament of the Cherokee Reservation Indian)" aka, “Cherokee people! Cherokee tribe! So proud to live, so proud to die.” Playing to the Paul Revere name, the band dressed the part of Revolutionary War soldiers as they combated a new British invasion, but had all the gravitas of the Funky Phantom.

Pete’s Draggin’

Or

Peat Seeker 

(Doff the cap to Don)
Dirty hippie folk-singing Commie Pete Seeger has died at the age of 94, so I hope the funeral director has a hammer, because you know Earth Boy had himself nailed into a plain pine box to avoid a carbon footprint even in death. A fixture on national radio as a solo act in the 1940s when there were about 9 songs, Seeger joined the Weavers in the 1950s, hitting #1 with Goodnight, Irene before the lone bright spot of the McCarthy Era saw them get blacklisted. When the nation went to hell in a handbasket in the 1960s, it was on Seeger’s elbow, as he provided the soundtrack for protests, sit-ins and love-ins with a steady torrent of songs about disarmament, the environment and Bewitched fan fiction. Seeger co-opted the civil rights movement by forcing the spiritual We Shall Overcome down their throats, and then just depressed everyone by adapting Kumbaya as a camp song staple. He helped the Smothers Brothers piss off CBS by performing there, his first national appearance in more than a decade, sounded the drumbeat for wrongly convicted death row inmate Delbert Tibbs, who was later exonerated, and was an early backer of acoustic Bob Dylan and an early abandoner of electric Bob Dylan. Seeger kept rousing rabble well into his 90s, advocating for the environment, including a song about the Deepwater Horizon oil spill, joining a solidarity march with Occupy Wall Street, singing about Native American Activist Leonard Peltier, and taking up the cause after The Dark Knight got snubbed for Best Picture in 2008.

Velvet 6 Feet Underground

(An epitaphany shared with Monty)

Lou Reed, the influential if underselling singer-songwriter, has died, somewhat unsurprisingly, of liver disease, at the age of 71, apparently confusing some fans of Lou Bega. As a member of the Andy Warhol-sponsored The Velvet Underground, Reed and company’s first album sold 30,000 copies in its first 5 years, but Brian Eno noted that every one of them started a band, so Reed will have that to answer for. Most commonly working around themes like sex (“Walk on the Wild Side”), and drugs (“Heroin”), his solo works included “Transformer,” “Berlin,” “New York,” and “Metal Machine Music,” which consisted of four sides of electric-guitar feedback strobing between two amplifiers, with Reed altering the speed of the tape recorder, and featuring no lyrics, drums, or anything anyone would remotely associate with music. Genius. 

Blame It on the Hasty Coma

(Props to Monty) 

Or

Softly, As She Leaves Us

Eydie Gorme, who teamed with husband Steve Lawrence to swim in Frank Sinatra’s wake, but never picked up a check, has died at the age of 84. The duo filled casinos and Branson theaters for decades, offering a steady barrage of pop standards with a polished tux-and-gown, old married couple banter routine, beacons of civility rising above the ever-changing musical landscape of rock, disco, grunge, rap, ska and whatever the hell it is Arcade Fire does. The duo won a Grammy for best pop duo in 1960 and an Emmy in 1979 for outstanding comedy-variety or music program for “Steve & Eydie Celebrate Irving Berlin.” Occasionally, she stepped out on her own, winning a Grammy nomination for her 1963 hit “Blame It on the Bossa Nova,” and winning an international audience by singing “Amor” in Spanish. She got her start with a two-week gig on The Steve Allen Show that turned into a permanent job as the show evolved into The Tonight Show. Gorme also found a husband in Lawrence, a cast member on the show, who she married in 1957. 

Whipped

(Kudos to Monty)

 

Or

He is Not Man, He is Dead

Alan Myers, the third and most well-known drummer from Devo, has died of stomach cancer at 58. Somehow deciding that a decade in Devo was not creatively fulfilling, he recorded an electronic percussion album with Babooshka, played drums with the Asian-themed pop band Jean Paul Yamamoto, and played shows in art galleries with Skyline Electric, with occasional live gigs with Swahili Blonde. Apparently these are actual things.

Twilight on the Trail

Pencil-thin mustachioed yodeling country singer Slim Whitman has died of heart failure at the age of 90, leaving the world ripe for a Martian takeover. Known as America’s Favorite Folk Singer, as no one else really wanted the title, his fame was actually greater in the UK, where his 1955 single Rose Marie sat atop the barren pre-Beatles UK Singles Chart for 19 weeks, the longest until Bryan Adams broke the record in 1991, which gives a window into why BritPop sucks so hard yet will not go away. He was one of the first singers to make the transition to infomercials to hawk his crap, and secured even more fans when playing his high-pitched yodeling in Indian Love Call caused the heads of the invading aliens to explode in Mars Attacks!

 

Broken On Through (To The Other Side)

Or

This is the End…

Or

His Mojo Is No Longer Rising!

(Props to Terry)

Or

He's A . . . 21st-Century Corpse!

(Additional accolades for Terry)
Ray Manzarek, the keyboardist who got to enjoy the undeserved accolades tossed The Doors way largely because of the premature demise of Jim Morrison, has died at the age of 74. Other collaborators included Philip Glass, Iggy Pop, Echo & the Bunnymen, Darryl Hall and Weird Al Yankovic. Manzarek also stoked the conspiracy theorist’s fire with his novel The Poet in Exile, which explored the urban legend that Morrison had faked his own death. 

Kris Kross Got Dumped, Dumped

Or

Totally Krossed Out

Or

Warm it Up

Chris Kelly, the Mac Daddy of the 1990s rap duo Kris Kross, has died of a drug overdose at the age of 34. Best remembered for Jump, Kriss Kross won no Grammys, Album of the Year awards, or American Music Award awards before breaking up to focus on individual efforts that no one bought. Kelly will be buried upside down while wearing a black suit backwards.

Can’t Get a Rise Out of Her

The fat lady has sung for the remarkably svelte Risë Stevens, an international singing star when the world cared more about opera than glorified karaoke competitions, at the age of 99. The mezzo-soprano owned the role of Carmen during the 1940s and ‘50s during her 23-year career at the Metropolitan Opera. A rare opera star who was something other than a soprano or tenor, Stevens expanded her audience beyond the long glove, tiny binocular set with appearances on radio, TV and in movies. Other roles included Octavian in “Der Rosenkavalier,” Dalila in “Samson et Dalila,” Cherubino in “Marriage of Figaro”; Prince Orlofsky in “Die Fledermaus,” and the title role in “Mignon.” Though if any of that means anything to you, it’s unlikely you’d be friends with a cheesesteak and baseball guy like me. She appeared with Bing Crosby in Going My Way, on Broadway as Anna in The King and I and matched her big voice with The Big Mouth as a guest on The Martha Raye Show.