Swam Song

Gertrude Ederle, the first woman to swim the English Channel, died Sunday at the age of 98. The Roaring Twenties were a time of great stunts and feats of endurance, and Ederle's swim was a stroke of genius. She seas-ed the moment on August 6, 1926 - rough weather meant her circuitous journey of the 21-mile channel actually took 35 miles. Still, her time of 14 hours, 30 minutes was two hours better than that of any of the 5 men and buoys who had previously traversed the channel, and her time wasn't beaten or tide by another woman until 1950. She had actually first floated the idea of a channel crossing in 1925, but was disqualified when she was touched by one of her coaches. After her feat had passed from current events, she remained a competitive swimmer for a number of years, but eventually receded from public life.

Putting the exclamation point on her 2003 George Harrison Invitational victory, Kirsti notches a solo hit with the empty net goal, her 8th hit of the year, adding 20 points to give her a total of 98.44444444 points.

Gertrude was on two lists in the 2004 George Harrison Invitational, so we'll wait for replacements to be named before the list will be circulated.

But back to the 2003 GHI -
And the winner is……
Congratulations to Kirsti, who rebounds from her 14th place finish in 2002 to take top honors in 2003 with 8 dead, riding the Slightly Sentient Centenarian strategy to victory. To the victor go the meager spoils: $70. Results are not official until Dec. 5 to allow neighbors time to investigate that smell from the upstairs apartment, but I really doubt it will affect the winner.

As he did for 8 years in office, Ronald Reagan keeps fooling us all - 7 of us picked him, and he's still hanging on. Maybe he just forgot he was supposed to be dead by now.

Bad year for Twilight Zone guests as three stars of classic episodes: Art Carney - "The Night of the Meek"; Charles Bronson - "Two"; Jack Elam - "Will the Real Martian Please Stand Up?" passed into a dimension not of sight or sound.

The rest of the leaderboard:
2nd Greg's Wily Veterans – 6 dead (And don’t think Greg isn't regretting dropping Hockey Hall of Famer Roger Neilson from last year.)
3rd Keith - 5 dead (43.88888889 points)
4th Conni - 5 dead (26.11111111 points) (And Conni takes the big oops this year, dropping Madame Chiang Kai-shek, Elia Kazan and Strom Thurmond from last year's list. Conni also got boned last year when Billie Bird died 4 days before the start of competition.)
5th Me - 4 dead (33.88888889 points) (And don't think I don't regret not picking more people who died this year.)

I'm not dead yet division
6th Mark - 4 dead (19.44444444 points) Back-to-back 6th place finishes. There's something to be said for consistency.
7th Me again - 3 dead (Really glad Warren Spahn allowed me to move up in the standings all the way to 7th rather than wait 1 damn week. Not that I'm bitter or anything.)
8th Greg's Fresh-Faced Rookies - 2 dead (22.22222222 points) Correct picking is half the battle; proper placement is the other half.
(tie) Michelle - 2 dead (22.22222222 points) (Wishful thinking about the deals with the devil that explain the Reagan Administration doesn’t pay off.)
10th Joan-Marie - 2 dead (6.22222222 points) (Not a bad showing after 18 months of goose eggs. Three or four more years, and we may have a title contender.)

I'm getting better brigade
11th Christine - 2 dead (4.44444444 points) (Well, you got the ones who everyone else got…..)
12th John - 2 dead (4.44444444 points) (Excellent effort, boss man.)
13th Mark 2 - 1 dead (4 points) (Kirsti thanks you for the donation)
Last Shawn - 1 dead (2.222222222 points) (How's the red jacket fitting, Mr. Lanterne Rouge?)

Sea Monkeys in the Missed

or
Sea Monkey See, Sea Monkey Die
Harold von Braunhut, a carnival barker on the back pages of comic books for decades, best known for creating the demand for Sea Monkeys, died in November. Apparently, he was found unconscious and then drowned when he was submerged in water in an attempt to revive him. Much like Sea Monkeys, he floated on the top of the tank for a month before anyone noticed. The Dian Fossey of brine shrimp was 77, which is approximately 28,105 times the life span of any Sea Monkeys I ever had. The holder of 195 patents, Braunhut's other creations included X-Ray Specs, Hair-Raising Monsters, Crazy Crabs, and the Invisible Goldfish, which came with care instructions and the guarantee that you would never see them, as he played on the stupidity of America's youth with a verve that P.T. Barnum would admire. However his legacy will always be convincing children that dehydrated fish food could develop a caste system that culminated in a royal family.

Cy-onara

Warren Spahn, the winningest left-handed pitcher in the history of the game, died at the age of 82. Despite not earning his first major league win until the age of 25 after spending time in the minors and then serving in WWII, where he won a Bronze Star and Purple Heart and saw action in the Battle of the Bulge, Spahn finished as the 5th winningest pitcher in major league history with 363. After returning from the war, Spahn and right-hander Johnny Sain combined to carry a mediocre Boston Braves team to the World Series. With little support from the rest of the staff, the refrain during the stretch drive was "Spahn and Sain and pray for rain." A 13-time 20-game winner, Spahn took home the 1957 Cy Young as he helped the Milwaukee Braves to the NL pennant and a World Series championship over the Yankees. He also authored two no-hitters, one against the Phillies (of course) at 39, then another at 41 against the Giants. Two of his records are likely to stand forever: most innings pitched in the NL (5,243 2/3) and home runs hit by a pitcher (35).

I was the only one to have Spahn on my list, and whoopedy-doo, I vault into 7th place. Cranky old bastard couldn't have held out for another week and give me an early lead? Bah.

Snowflake falling on Cedar Chips

Sorrow gripped Barcelona, as Copito de Nieve (Spanish for snowflake), the world's only known albino gorilla, was euthanized at the city zoo. He had been at the zoo for 37 years, and was believed to be between 38 and 40 years old. Long a symbol of the city and a popular zoo resident, locals went bananas when it was first reported that Snowflake was dying and flocked to the zoo in record numbers. Throughout his life, he had been a baboon to the tourist income for the city and the zoo as mandrill and woman, boy and gorilla alike warmed at the sight of this extremely rare ape. During his life, Snowflake fathered 22 offspring by 3 female gorillas, which would rank have ranked him third among active NBA players.

But enough monkeying around. With the holiday, this will likely be the final reminder that lists are due by 11:59 p.m. this Sunday. (6 days, 11 hours and 10 minutes to go.) Lists already submitted can be altered up to that point, and if there is late word that Carrot Top has a bad head cold and you need to make a change, you can also call me. If anyone on your 2004 list dies over the weekend, you will receive an extension.

A good holiday to all. I'll see Pool patrons on the other side with the crown for the 2003 champion and complete lists for 2004. If you've enjoyed the obits and pieces but still harbor hopes of avoiding the hellfire, let me know and I can keep you on the mailing list.

Kamen Went

Michael Kamen, a Grammy-winning and Oscar-nominated Hollywood composer, died of a heart attack this week at the age of 55. Kamen was responsible for such ditties as "(Everything I Do) I Do It for You" from "Robin Hood" and "Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman" from "Don Juan DeMarco," Best Song Oscar nominees in 1991 and '95, respectively. In his defense, he did produce the scores for Lethal Weapon, Die Hard, Brazil and The Adventures of Baron Munchausen as well as music for Amazing Stories and Tales from the Crypt. Despite being diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 1996, Kamen remained active, producing the scores for HBO's Band of Brothers and From the Earth to the Moon, and this year's Kevin Costner western Open Range.

Bretter Off Dead

Ken Brett, a pitcher with the Phillies, Red Sox, Pirates, Brewers, Yankees, Twins, White Sox, Angels, Dodgers and Royals, where he was a teammate of his brother, Hall of Fame third baseman George, died at the age of 55 after a lengthy battle with cancer. His 10 major league teams was a record, and he is the youngest man to ever pitch in a World Series game, for Boston in 1967. He also set a major league record with home runs in 4 consecutive games with the Phils in 1973, then won the 1974 All-Star Game with the Pirates. He and his brothers George and Bobby were owners of the Spokane Indians, 2003 Northwest League Champions.

Spotlight on the Grim Reaper Now

Arthur Conley, soul singer best known for the 1967 hit "Sweet Soul Music," died November 17 (oops - but like any of you noticed). Otis Redding took the young singer under his wing in 1967, teaching him the music business and together they rewrote the Sam Cooke song "Sweet Soul Music," which would hit No. 2 that year. However in December 1967, Redding was killed in a plane crash, and Conley was said to have never recovered. He later moved to the Netherlands, changed his name, and formed a company that promoted young bands.

The Sun Will Not Necessarily Come out Tomorrow

Dorothy Loudon, long-time Broadway actress, and Tony winner as Miss Hannigan, evil orphanage matron, died Saturday of cancer at the age of 70. She lost Tonys in 1969 and 1979, both times to Angela Lansbury, one of many eerie connections with Lansbury in her career. Loudon replaced Lansbury in the Broadway version of Sweeney Todd and she was a guest star during the 1986 sweeps inspired Murder, She Wrote - Magnum, P.I. crossover. Mrs. Fletcher comes out of the closet?

Penny for your Trough

or
Blondie Bums-dead

Or
Jane Jets-done
(Props to Michelle)

Or
Penny's for Heaven
(An epitaphany for Monty and Michelle)
Penny Singleton, best known for playing Blondie Bumstead in 28 unique and highly sophisticated comedies in the 1930s, '40s and '50s, died after suffering a stroke at the age of 95. Somehow, Singleton never let the problem at the office/problem at home/wacky misunderstanding plots grow tired or stale or repetitive or redundant or trite or cliched or corny.... Although her contributions to cinematic legend are limited, Singleton was no dumb Blondie, as she is credited with creating the concept and even the term residuals, where performers are paid for repeat broadcasts, and had this clause added to her contracts for the Blondie series. After being typecast as Blondie, screen roles dried up, but Singleton became the voice of Jane Jetson, swinging '60s space mom, and reprised the role when the cartoon was resurrected in the 1980s and in several films. Prior to her Blond-nanza, Singleton had shared the stage with Jack Benny and Milton Berle, and received Humphrey Bogart's first on-screen kiss. After The Jetsons was canceled, Singleton turned her attention to labor matters, leading a strike by the Rockettes in 1966 to gain better working conditions, and becoming president of the American Guild of Variety Artists in 1969, the first woman to lead an AFL-CIO union. She also led the first strike against Disneyland, which had been using college students as cheap labor.

I'm not going to live forever after all

Gene Anthony Ray, street-smart dancer in the film and television versions of Fame, died of a stroke at 41. Ray's life mirrored that of his character - street kid with talent who enrolls in New York City's High School for the Performing Arts. Ray's real-life schooling ended when he was kicked out, but his screen education lasted 5 years.

Art Imitates Death

Or
Goodbye, BallEntertainment legend Art Carney died Sunday at the age of 85. Famous for roles including Saugan in the infamously bad Star Wars Holiday Special and a special guest villain stint as the Archer on Batman, Carney also starred in the Twilight Zone classic "Might of the Meek," about a drunk department store Santa who finds a little Christmas magic.

Best known as bumbling Ed Norton, the sewer operator and perpetual foil to Jackie Gleason's Ralph Kramden on The Honeymooners, Carney's 7-decade career garnered him 7 Emmy wins and the 1974 Best Actor Oscar for Harry and Tonto. First appearing in Gangbusters, a 1930s radio program that was the America's Most Wanted of its time, Carney became a featured performer on Gleason's Calvacade of Stars, which led to his role on The Honeymooners. His right leg shattered during the Allied landing at Normandy, Carney deftly created manic mannerisms for Norton to conceal the resulting limp. As the even more addled part of Ralph's schemes, Ed stole many a scene, including their classic golf lesson. Prompted by Ralph's instruction to address the ball, Ed leaned in and offered, "Helllllooooo, ball."

Alcohol problems disrupted his later career, and may have cost him the film role as Felix Unger in The Odd Couple. His drinking forced him to leave the stage production with Walter Matthau, where he had created the role, and the role was made famous by Jack Lemmon. Carney rebounded, and won an Oscar as Harry Coombes, an aging widower on the road with his cat in his first starring role.

Deep-Sixed

Jonathan Brandis, '90s teen hearthrob but unable to turn that into an adult career, died in an apparent suicide last week at the age of 27. Brandis was responsible for the Neverending Story 2: The Next Chapter, Ladybugs and played Lucas Wolenczek, boy genius, on two seasons of the underwater sci-fi series, SeaQuest DSV. In his defense…. yeah, I got nothing. Brandis reportedly attempted suicide November 11, but the story didn't break until yesterday. One fan website reported a conversation with the LA coroner's office, where the coroner said he had received dozens of phone calls from fans, but nary a one from the media. A suicide, probably due at least in part to a career no one cared about, that goes unnoticed and unreported for more than a week? Talk about adding insult to injury.

He's Lost That Living Feeling

Bobby Hatfield, the tenor half of the Righteous Brothers, became a Ghost last night, entering Rock and Roll Heaven at the age of 63, succumbing to an as yet Unnamed Malady. Prior to unleashing his "blue-eyed" soul on America, Hatfield had showed his propensity for evil by turning away from a professional baseball career. Early in his career he met Bill Medley, and the two formed a 40-year duo, taking their name from the rantings of a drunken Marine. The duo had 5 Top 10 hits in a span of 15 months, but are better known to later generations for the inclusion of their songs on the soundtracks of such '80s atrocities as Top Gun, Dirty Dancing, and Ghost, which returned Unchained Melody to the top 10 after the film's release. An Internet poll later rated Unchained Melody as the most popular song of all time, perhaps the most telling sign that America has lost its way. Hatfield died alone in his hotel room in Kalamazoo in the middle of his latest tour with Medley. The punishment fits the crime.

24 days to go in the 2003 George Harrison Invitational. Which Evanston, Illinois resident will take the prize? Will Kirsti's Little Old Lady Strategy pay off, or is there life left in Greg's Dying Directors gambit? Stay tuned.

Ee's sussa dead away

or

Senecan'tMy apologies for missing this one, but a passing of particular interest to the Philly crowd: Traynor Ora Halftown, better known simply as Chief Halftown, headed for the happy hunting grounds July 8 at the age of 86. From 1951 until 1999, Chief Halftown hosted a children's Saturday morning program on the local ABC affiliate, starting each show with the "tribal chant" "Ees-da-sussa-saway," which was Seneca for "Let's get started."