Man-Nix

(Props to Monty)Or

Dead Mannix Walking

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Touched

Mike Connors, best remembered as an undercover FBI agent tagging along with escaped women prisoners to recapture diamonds in the swamp in the MST3K’ed “classic” Swamp Diamonds, has died of leukemia at the age of 91. A high school standout basketball player, where he earned the nickname, and occasional screen name, “Touch,” Connors played briefly at UCLA under John Wooden, where his expressive face gained notice and he found work in a bunch of cheapie Westerns and thrillers before ending up as a crewman trying to find John Wayne’s downed plane in Island in the Sky. His big break came in 1967 with Mannix, with Connors first the old-school oddball in a high-tech detective agency, then as the more traditional solo PI. The show was non-descript and stuck to the formula, with Mannix’s quirks consisting of a trove of Armenian proverbs to sum up any circumstance and a tendency to get his ass kicked in every episode, by one estimate getting shot 17 times and knocked unconscious 55 times over the course of the series. Connors became one of the top paid stars on TV, and scored 4 Emmy nominations and a Golden Globe win. His last role was as a love interest for Holland Taylor on Two and a Half Men before we knew her preferences were younger and with firmer breasts.

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Petrie-fied

(Props to Mark)

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You're not going to make it after all

(Kudos to Phil)

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You’re gonna wake it after all

(Fraternal variation from Peter)

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Who can turn the ventilator off, with a smile?

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Mary Tyler Less

(Additional accolades for Mark)

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A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants

(Historical huzzahs for Steve)

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Chuckles Got the Last Laugh

(A technically correct, as the last actor to play Chuckles is still alive, though the character and the first actor to play him are in that great TV studio in the sky, observation from Peter)

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#meow

(Update on a theme, from Phil)
Mary Tyler Moore, best remembered for showing off her working breasts in Flirting with Disaster, has died of complications from pneumonia at the age of 80. In her honor, her family is preparing a dreadful dinner party. After several years of bit parts in sitcoms, Moore scored the role of Laura Petrie, wife of comedy writer Rob, mother of incredibly dumb and annoying son Richie, in The Dick Van Dyke Show, where she was one of the first TV wives allowed to be smart and funny. And wear capri pants. Well known for her addictions, one classic sitcom wasn’t enough, so she created The Mary Tyler Moore Show, and her intelligent, ambitious, independent, and regretfully spunky Mary Richards became a feminist icon, in addition to being hilarious. The show also showed Moore’s business acumen, as she and husband Grant Tinker’s production company, MTM, also developed Newhart, St. Elsewhere, Hill Street Blues, WKRP in Cincinnati, and, of course, The Texas Wheelers, starring Gary Busey, Mark Hamill and Jack Elam. All under the watchful eye of Mimsie. MTM also produced Mary, an ill-conceived and ill-fated variety show starring Moore, which also featured Michael Keaton and David Letterman, whose disbelieving smirk and thinly veiled contempt for the goings-on are the show’s lone redeeming qualities. Later projects sought to counter her image by putting her in roles that were more dramatic; like her Oscar-nominated turn as an icy housewife in Ordinary People and as Mary Todd Lincoln, opening the door for fellow sitcom star Sally Field to not get to see the end of Our American Cousin; caustic, like in Flirting with Disaster and in cameos as Jackie’s bitchy boss on That ‘70s Show; or not funny, like in Mary and Annie McGuire. 

Dead Picket Fences Actors Make Good Neighbors

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Picket Tombstones

(Props to Monty)

Fyvush Finkel, who simultaneously kept Yiddish theater alive and set it back 30 years, has died at the age of 93 of heart problems. With his giant nose and mushy features, Finkel had the visage of a snow sculpture left in the sun too long, which he used to great comedic effect. He started early on the Yiddish theater circuit, which consisted largely of Old World language adaptations of English classics, giving us Schlomo and Juliet, schmaltzy family melodramas with lots of yelling, and vaudeville standards, like the waiter who rebukes a customer for griping about a filthy napkin: “Eleven people used that napkin. You’re the only one who complained.” As Yiddish speaking audiences and Borscht Belt venues died out, Finkel needed a new outlet, and he found it in Anatevka, as the original Mordcha the innkeeper in Fiddler on the Roof, then in other roles in the revivals and traveling companies as he worked his way up to Tevye. Finkel was eventually inflicted upon the American public as cranky lawyer Douglas Wambaugh, tormenting the preternaturally quirky residents of Rome, Wisconsin on Picket Fences, for which he won an Emmy in 1994 as best supporting actor in a dramatic series. Finkel reprised his schtick as addled racist history teacher Harvey Lipschultz in David E. Kelley’s next series Boston Public.

Rocco’s Modern Death

Alex Rocco, best remembered as Jo Polniaczek’s neer-do-well father, has died of cancer at the age of 79. His gravelly voice and roughhewn features ensured a career of roles as the heavy, most notably Moe Greene, who made the mistake of slapping around Fredo and telling Michael Corleone to get the hell out of Las Vegas, earning himself a spot in the Montage of Murder in The Godfather. Rocco came by his mobster roles honestly, having been a wannabe member of Whitey Bulger’s Winter Hill Gang in Boston as a kid. He used his connections to set up a meeting between Robert Mitchum and Boston’s Irish underworld to help him research his role in The Friends of Eddie Coyle. After an arrest, he moved to LA and started taking acting lessons from Leonard Nimoy. Other roles included Roger Meyers, Jr., head of Itchy and Scratchy Studios, on The Simpsons, Sol Siler, founder of Playtone Records, in That Thing You Do!, Al Floss, The Famous Teddy Z’s agent, for which he won an Emmy, after the show had been cancelled. 

The Way He Was

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Simple Simon, in the Grime, Man

Sam Simon, who managed to create something unfunny with George Carlin, has died at the age of 59 of colon cancer. Simon had been a writer and producer on Taxi and Cheers and put his schooling in those master classes to use in crafting The Simpsons, the longest-running sitcom of all time. Unlike some animated series, The Simpsons was developed using standard sitcom techniques, like having the writers work collectively and having the voice actors reads their parts as an ensemble to work out the show’s rhythm and timing. Simon also hired many of the show’s writers, helping to establish the show’s tone – anarchic, intelligent, sharply written, with a heart, but without being cloying – and to develop the fully formed and distinct characters who called Springfield home. Simon never expected the show to last, and told the writers they could do whatever they wanted, meaning the writers should push boundaries to find a unique comedic voice that they could be proud of. Co-creator Matt Groening took his approach as indifference to the show’s success, which contributed to their less than amicable split after just 4 seasons, though Simon continued to be listed as executive producer and draw tens of millions of dollars in residuals annually. Regardless of who’s version of history you believe, it’s hard to argue that the show began its decline as the writers Simon hired started to move on. Simon later went on to create The George Carlin Show, which ended after one year, with Carlin also considering Simon an insufferable prick with mental health issues. He eventually found a kindred spirit in Charlie Sheen, working as a consultant on Anger Management. After learning he was dying, Simon started giving away all his money, to causes including training service animals, supporting veterans, the Sea Shepherd Conservation Society, an anti-whaling organization; PETA, who renamed their headquarters for him. The Sam Simon Foundation gave vegan meals to the homeless, with Simon explaining “They can eat all the meat they want. I’m just not going to pay for it.” Because vegans are self-important, joyless sociopaths who deserve to die ironic deaths with ravaged poop shoots.

Stritch Marks

(Props to Monty)
Elaine Stritch, professional brassy dame who spent nearly 70 years dropping withering one-liners on stage and screen, has died at the age of 89. On the stage, she was nominated for 5 Tonys, winning for her 2001 one-woman show Elaine Stritch at Liberty. She also won Emmys for a guest spot on Law & Order in 1993, for the documentary about her one-woman show and for her recurring role as Jack Donaghy’s caustic mother on 30 Rock. Stritch originated the role of Trixie Norton in a Honeymooners sketch with Jackie Gleason, Art Carney and Pert Kelton before the role, originally a burlesque dancer (who often marry sewer workers), was recast after just one episode, with the more wholesome looking Joyce Randolph playing the character as an ordinary housewife. Other roles included a bitter, grammatically correct mother who lost a son in Vietnam and objected to the IHP’s production of Hair on Head of the Class, a stern schoolteacher of Rudy’s class on The Cosby Show and a widow who put the moves on Jack Gilford in Cocoon: The Return. She was reportedly considered for the role of Dorothy Zbornak on The Golden Girls but blew her audition and the role was cast with Bea Arthur.

We Come to Bury Caesar

(Props to Joe)

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Great Caesar’s Ghost

 

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Your Corpse of Corpses

(Props to Monty)

 

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No Show of Shows

(Cheers  for Don)

 

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Caes and Desist

Sid Caesar, best remembered as Prince Sergei Polansky from a 1982 episode of Matt Houston, has died at the age of 91. One of the medium’s first stars, Caesar helped pioneer television comedy with Your Show of Shows, a live 90-minute show emphasizing sketches based on characters and situations, rather than slapstick. Renowned as one of the greatest sketch comedy performers in history, Caesar was adept at pantomime, word play, nonsensical double talk, mimicking the cadences and sounds of languages he didn’t speak and improve. He also had the good sense to surround himself with all-star teams on camera (Howard Morris, Imogene Coca and Carl Reiner) and in the writer’s room (Mel Brooks and Neil Simon) to create a TV juggernaut. Before there was Must See TV, Your Show of Shows kept people home on Saturday nights, with Broadway theater owners at one point asking NBC to move the show to midweek as it was killing Saturday night ticket sales. In 1954, Caesar continued the formula with Caesar’s Hour, adding eventual MASH creator Larry Gelbart to the writing team. Caesar had the reputation of being America’s strongest comedian in every sense of the word, once dangling Brooks out of an 18^th story window during a writing session, and punching out a horse that had thrown his wife, a scene later immortalized in Brooks’ Blazing Saddles. Having dominated television for 7 years by combining his talent with an insane work ethic, Caesar disappeared into alcohol, pills and unfathomable self doubt, while the exploits, successes and appreciation of those he had influenced and suckled elevated him to genius. Then he returned as a legend in occasional performances like Lou Bundles, the man with the magic cards on Amazing Stories, and to collect lifetime achievement awards.

Blame It on the Hasty Coma

(Props to Monty) 

Or

Softly, As She Leaves Us

Eydie Gorme, who teamed with husband Steve Lawrence to swim in Frank Sinatra’s wake, but never picked up a check, has died at the age of 84. The duo filled casinos and Branson theaters for decades, offering a steady barrage of pop standards with a polished tux-and-gown, old married couple banter routine, beacons of civility rising above the ever-changing musical landscape of rock, disco, grunge, rap, ska and whatever the hell it is Arcade Fire does. The duo won a Grammy for best pop duo in 1960 and an Emmy in 1979 for outstanding comedy-variety or music program for “Steve & Eydie Celebrate Irving Berlin.” Occasionally, she stepped out on her own, winning a Grammy nomination for her 1963 hit “Blame It on the Bossa Nova,” and winning an international audience by singing “Amor” in Spanish. She got her start with a two-week gig on The Steve Allen Show that turned into a permanent job as the show evolved into The Tonight Show. Gorme also found a husband in Lawrence, a cast member on the show, who she married in 1957. 

Coffin Corner

Steve Sabol, who gave ESPN something to air between midget wrestling and funny car racing, has died of brain cancer at the age of 69. Sabol was a founding member of NFL Films, starting as a cameraman when his father Ed scored the filming rights for the 1962 NFL Championship. In the days when ESPN was struggling to fill their 24 hours, NFL Films became their production company, using the Voice of God, John Facenda, dramatic music, slo-mo replays, and multi-angle camera shots to make a 3-0 Chargers-Lions snoozefest in 1975 seem as climactic as D-Day – a perfect partner for the worldwide leader in prefabricated sporting events. Sabol won 35 Emmys for writing, cinematography, editing, directing and producing – more categories than anyone in history – of NFL Films’ total of 107, and helped launch the NFL Network.

The Way He Was

(Props to Monty)

Or

Stung

Or

Nobody Does it Better, but Plenty Have Done it Longer

Or

One, Who Is Feeling No Sensation

Marvin Hamlisch, godfather of sampling, has died after a brief illness at the age of 1968. At the age of 7, he was the youngest ever admitted to the Julliard School and to the end he had the appearance of the band room geek who never outgrew it. Unlike the band room geeks left dangling from atomic wedgies, Hamlisch hit his stride, winning three Oscars, four Emmys, four Grammys and a Pulitzer (one of only 2 to claim PEGOTs), while emerging as an engaging personality who could visit Johnny Carson and Merv Griffin and not send viewers to the bathroom. In addition to ripping off Scott Joplin to Fareed Zakaria his way to an Oscar for the score to The Sting, he filled countless elevators with misty water-colored memories after writing Barbra Streisand’s signature song The Way We Were (another Oscar winner), gave James Bond one of his best theme songs with Nobody Does it Better, and composed Theme Song for Peaboy for Late Night with David Letterman.

Not so McHale or McHearty

Or

Resuscitation is Futile

Ernest Borgnine, who had a thing for white cotton panties, has died of renal failure at the age of 95. After sending Frank Sinatra’s Maggio From Here to Eternity as Fatso Judson, Borgnine was the logical choice to play the painfully shy, gentle butcher with mommy issues in Marty. Borgnine won the Best Actor Oscar, ironically beating Sinatra (from The Man with the Golden Arm) again, and in the days before carelessly throwing your life away guaranteed you an Oscar, James Dean. He sent The Dirty Dozen to certain doom, escaped certain doom on the Poseidon, got strangled in Ice Station Zebra, got eaten by rats in Willard, got shot down with the rest of The Wild Bunch, got blown up in Escape from New York, fell victim to panic (and a far too form-fitting uniform) and crashed a spaceship in The Black Hole, and got mauled by something as the Celebrity Dad on the Junior Campers father-son rubber-rafting trip on The Simpsons. The former Navy man reached a new audience as Quinton McHale, commander of the PT-73, a lovable band of wacky misfits who happened to be very good at killing Nips, back before that was a racist term – so good that they took the incomprehensible reverse trip from the South Pacific to Italy for the unsuccessful last season of McHale’s Navy. He later rejoined Tim Conway as Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy on SpongeBob SquarePants. In 2009, he helped close out the last 2 episodes of ER as a husband saying goodbye to his dying wife, earning an Emmy nomination more than 50 years after his TV career began with him trying to kill Captain Video and his Video Rangers.

Suicide is Painless, but Pneumonia Hurts Like a Bitch

Or
In Potter’s Field

Or
Potted

Or
M*A*S*Hed
Harry Morgan, barely remembered for playing Major General Bartford Hamilton Steele, on M*A*S*H, has died of pneumonia at the age of 96. At least M*A*S*H’s producers were banking that he would be barely remembered when they brought back Morgan less than a year after his guest appearance as a batty general to replace Lt. Col. Henry Blake as the commander of the 4077th. Morgan won an Emmy for his portrayal of the acerbicly homespun Col. Sherman T. Potter, the lone regular Army officer in a camp full of oddballs. But then Morgan was experienced as a replacement character, having filled in for Ben Alexander’s Frank Smith and what passed for comic relief as Bill Gannon on the reboot of Dragnet, a role he reprised on The Simpsons and the 1987 Dragnet movie. Before those roles, he was a classic “hey, it’s that guy” in more than 100 movie roles, including the hanging-happy illiterate in The Ox-Bow Incident, one of Will Kane’s cowardly “friends” in High Noon, the Darwin-denying judge in Inherit the Wind, the blustering sheriff watching over J.B. Books’ last days in The Shootist and an interstellar feline-chasing general in The Cat From Outer Space.

Stick a Southfork in Her

Barbara Bel Geddes, best known as the matriarch of one of TV’s most dysfunctional families, has died at the age of 82. Bel Geddes was nominated for a Best Supporting Actress Oscar in 1948 for “I Remember Mama” and was the original Maggie the Cat in “Cat on a Hot Tin Roof” on Broadway, but she was immortalized as Eleanor Southworth Ewing Farlow, daughter of a successful rancher who married a Texas oil wildcatter and raised a pansy, a bastard and a running back on the family ranch on Dallas. As Miss Ellie for all but two seasons – one missed following a massive heart attack, one missed as the show careened into self-parody – Bel Geddes’ brought light humor, sass and decency to balance J.R.’s evil machinations. She won the only Emmy in the show’s 13-year run and the only acting Emmy ever won by a nighttime soap actor the season that Miss Ellie had a mastectomy, drawing on her real-life experiences from a decade prior. In the early days of her career Bel Geddes also had a good relationship with Alfred Hitchcock, appearing in“Vertigo,” and several episodes of “Alfred Hitchcock Presents,” most notably as the murderess who clubs her husband to death with a leg of lamb, then serves it to the police investigating his death.

Silence is Goldsmith

Jerry Goldsmith, whose musical scores for dozens of films and television series earned him 17 Oscar nominations, had his own score settled at the age of 75. Goldsmith took home just one Oscar, to go along with 5 Emmys. His discography includes Star Trek, The Man from U.N.C.L.E., Dr. Kildare, Patton, The Waltons, Total Recall, Looney Tunes: Back in Action, The Blue Max, L.A. Confidential, Basic Instinct, Chinatown, Barnaby Jones, Star Trek: The Next Generation, and his Oscar-winning The Omen. Goldsmith also famously got a blaring effect for Planet of the Apes by having his musicians blow horns without mouthpieces, and reportedly wore an ape mask while conducting the score.

She’s got a deluxe apartment in the sky

Isabel Sanford, best known as long-suffering wife Louise “Weezie” Jefferson, died today at the age of 86, sparing her the ignominy of appearing in any more of those dreadful Old Navy commercials. In addition to The Jeffersons, Sanford played Weezie on its parent show All in the Family, as well as cameos in Jane Austen’s Mafia and The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Sanford had spent 30 years on stage, and played the maid in Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner with Spencer Tracy and Katherine Hepburn, before landing the role of her career, for which she was nominated for 7 consecutive Leading Actress in a Comedy Emmys, scoring a win in 1980. Sanford had continued working through the last year of her life, including a Simpsons cameo last season, and was honored with a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame earlier this year.

Six Feet Unger

(props to Chris)
Tony Randall, best known for his portrayal of the pre-metrosexual Felix Unger of "The Odd Couple," has passed away at age 84. His publicist said that Mr. Randall passed away on Monday "after battling with a long-term illness." Yeah. Old age. It must have been hell playing with his two children, ages 5 and 7. LOOK OUT, LARRY KING! The cold, bony hand of Death is reaching for you next!
(Monty on special assignment)

Sounder Off

Or
Angels in the Winfield(Props to Monty for the alternate epitaph)
Paul Winfield, who found Kahn Noonian Singh and a killer earwig on Seti Alpha 5 in Star Trek II and then got blasted by aliens with prominent frontal lobes in Mars Attacks!, died of a heart attack on Sunday at the age of 62. Winfield's first big role was as Diahann Carroll's boyfriend in Julia, one of the first TV shows to star two black actors, an ironic role given that Winfield was gay and had a partner of more than 30 years who died 2 years ago. He was nominated for a Best Actor Oscar in 1972 for his role in Sounder, the third black to be nominated as Best Actor or Actress. He was also nominated for back-to-back Emmys for Roots in 1978 and his role as Dr. Martin Luther King (BU '55) in 1979 and finally won a Emmy for a guest role in Picket Fences in 1995. He also had a recurring role as substitute angel Sam on Pax staple Touched by an Angel.

Lie me Kangaroo Down, Sport

Or
Oh Captain, Bye Captain
Bob Keeshan, who delighted millions of children first as Clarabelle on the Howdy Doody Show, later as Captain Kangaroo, died last week at the age of 76. No cause of death was listed, but a number of ping pong balls were found near the body. A suspect, Bunny Rabbit, was interviewed, but said nothing. With his walrus mustache, Beatles haircut, and overlapeled jacket, he hardly cut a dashing figure, but he was a fixture on CBS for 30 years, as the longest running children’s show in network TV history, before continuing for another 6 years on PBS. Entering the medium in its infancy, Keeshan virtually invented how a television program can teach children without pandering or demeaning them. Mixing education with a dose of anarchy in the form of a carrot-stealing rabbit and knock-knock joke telling Mr. Moose, Keeshan laid the groundwork for such later programs as Mister Rogers, but without the latter’s signature creepiness. Over his career, he won 6 Emmys and 3 Peabody Awards, but the impact he had on children will be his greatest legacy and was his greatest reward.

Old Lange's Time

Hope Lange, who earned an Academy Award nomination for Peyton Place, the lurid drama about small-town New England scandal, died yesterday at the age of 70. Lange also won back-to-back Emmys as the widow Mrs. Muir in the series The Ghost and Mrs. Muir, mostly for putting up with Charles Nelson Reilly. She also drew attention when she quit The New Dick Van Dyke Show in 1974 after the show's producers refused to air an episode suggesting the married couple was having sex, prompting the show's cancellation. And you thought he had problems with an ottoman.

Art Imitates Death

Or
Goodbye, BallEntertainment legend Art Carney died Sunday at the age of 85. Famous for roles including Saugan in the infamously bad Star Wars Holiday Special and a special guest villain stint as the Archer on Batman, Carney also starred in the Twilight Zone classic "Might of the Meek," about a drunk department store Santa who finds a little Christmas magic.

Best known as bumbling Ed Norton, the sewer operator and perpetual foil to Jackie Gleason's Ralph Kramden on The Honeymooners, Carney's 7-decade career garnered him 7 Emmy wins and the 1974 Best Actor Oscar for Harry and Tonto. First appearing in Gangbusters, a 1930s radio program that was the America's Most Wanted of its time, Carney became a featured performer on Gleason's Calvacade of Stars, which led to his role on The Honeymooners. His right leg shattered during the Allied landing at Normandy, Carney deftly created manic mannerisms for Norton to conceal the resulting limp. As the even more addled part of Ralph's schemes, Ed stole many a scene, including their classic golf lesson. Prompted by Ralph's instruction to address the ball, Ed leaned in and offered, "Helllllooooo, ball."

Alcohol problems disrupted his later career, and may have cost him the film role as Felix Unger in The Odd Couple. His drinking forced him to leave the stage production with Walter Matthau, where he had created the role, and the role was made famous by Jack Lemmon. Carney rebounded, and won an Oscar as Harry Coombes, an aging widower on the road with his cat in his first starring role.