Live Long and Prosper

A death during my vacation I wanted to make sure got its due: Walter "Matt" Jefferies, the designer of the Starship Enterprise from the series Star Trek, passed away last Monday at the age of 82. Mourning continues in parent's basements and apartments above garages across the nation. After receiving the Bronze Star for his time on B-52 bombers in World War II, Jefferies moved to Hollywood to work as a set designer on such films as, fittingly, "Bombers B-52," while also working on Dallas and Little House on the Prairie, but Star Trek was his greatest achievement. He based the call number for the original Enterprise, NCC-1701, on his own fishing boat. Scoff if you like, but how many of you have your work hanging in the Smithsonian Institute? The George Harrison Invitational gives Jefferies the 4-finger salute.

Thanks for the Memories

Or
Road to Deads-ville

Or
Hope Sinks
Bob Hope, once more prevalent on the battlefield than dysentery and sucking chest wounds, has died at the age of 100. An entertainment legend, Hope's career spanned 7 decades, and encompassed every avenue of American entertainment from vaudeville to movies to radio to television. Hope had the distinction of meeting and mocking every president since Franklin Roosevelt. But it is his time spent entertaining troops that brought him the most acclaim and the most satisfaction. The USS Bob Hope and the USAF Spirit of Bob Hope reflect the mutual respect for the man who visited troops in World War II, Korea, Vietnam and the Gulf and countless military bases around the world. In 1997, Congress named him an honorary veteran for his work with the USO.

A flurry of activity on the leaderboard, as everyone now has at least one hit. With this, the 10th hit of the year, we surpass last year's total with 4 months to go. Before delving into the details, Keith, Michelle, Bob Hope was 100 years old. The average male life expectancy is about 75 years old. Let me explain the concept of "borrowed time."

The leaderboard:
1st Me 4 dead, 33.88888889 points
2nd Conni 4 dead, 23.88888889 points
3rd Kirsti 3 dead, 26.22222222 points (tie)
4th Greg's Wily Veterans 3 dead, 26.22222222 points
5th Keith 3 dead, 21.66666667 points

The only absolutes in life are death and Texas

Or
Ex-Tex
(Props to Michelle Haus)
Tex Schramm, former Dallas Cowboys general manager and the man who decided football was more important than family and that men liked looking at scantily-clad cheerleaders, has died at the age of 83. In 1966, Schramm convinced NFL Commissioner Pete Rozelle to add a second game on Thanksgiving Day, ensuring generations that they would be inflicted with Cowboy football every year while trying to digest tryptophan-laden turkey. In 1972, he replaced the high school cheerleaders on the sideline with professional dancers. Most notably, he's the man who popularized the notion that the Cowboys were "America's Team." In April, it was announced that this fall Schramm would join the Cowboys Ring of Honor, honoring the Hall-of-Famers who have played for Dallas. Schramm's relationship with new owner Jerry Jones delayed the accolade for 12 years following Schramm's retirement. And now he won't. The followers of the Philadelphia Eagles, myself included, a group long noted for being willing to boo anything from the home team to Santa Claus, have something to cheer about.

Compost Segundo

Cuban musician Compay Segundo, who toiled in obscurity before becoming a Grammy rookie winner for the Buena Vista Social Club at the age of 90, died this weekend at the age of 95.

The King is Dead

Benny Carter, who earned the moniker the King while Elvis was still filling Pampers with princely piddle, died Saturday at the age of 95. Nicknamed "the King" to properly place him among the pantheon of Duke Ellington and Count Basie, the veteran Jazz musician's career spanned 7 decades, during which he earned 2 Grammys and in 1996 was bestowed with Kennedy Center Honors for his life's work.

N!xpired

or
N!xau you see him, N!xau you don'tN!xau (pronounced N-dow, with a click in the middle), the African Bushman who was launched to fame in the 1980 film The Gods Must Be Crazy, has died of natural causes at the approximate age of 59. Even he didn't know how old he was. In the film, N!xau is hit by a Coke bottle that falls from the sky, and he assumes it has been dropped by the gods and must be returned to them. From this simple concept came the then-highest grossing foreign film of all time. For the first film, N!xau was paid $300, which he allowed to blow away because he didn't understand the concept of paper money. But the Hollywood machine quickly corrupted him and he demanded $800,000 (Namibian) to build a house, plus a percentage of the back end and merchandising rights to appear in the sequel. Attempts to bring the story to network television were thwarted when test audiences did not respond well to his native language of clicks and sounds. However his unintelligibility did gain him consideration for his own Osbournes-esque reality show. He had suffered from tuberculosis, and was unable to stage a comeback in I'm a Celebrity, Now Get Me Out of Here the role instead going to Kathy Griffin.

The Boot Hillbilly

Or
Buddy Dead-sen

Or
Recycling the Tin Man

Or
Uncle Ded

Perhaps this simple song says it best:

Well this here's the story of a man named Buddy,
His skin's gone cold and his cheeks aren't quite so ruddy
Ninety-five years ago he emerged from momma's womb
Now the only place you'll find him is a mausoleum tomb
Dead, that is,
worm food,
six feet under,
pushing up daisies... The Boot Hill-billy!
Yes, Buddy Ebsen, legend of stage, screens large and small, recordings and even canvas, has passed away at the age of 95. Ebsen boasts the unique distinction of being the first man cast for both the role of the Scarecrow and the Tin Man in The Wizard of Oz, yet landing neither due to Ray Bolger's Broadway experience as the former and his near-fatal reaction to aluminum paint as the latter. No worries this time, as the role of famous dead guy is all his. His fortunes on the small screen were much greater, as he carved a unique niche portraying three different pop culture icons: George Wallace, Davey Crockett's sidekick, Barnaby Jones, and of course Jed Clampett. The latter was the basis for his later-life ambitions, and if you are in need of really heinously bad art, or just a good laugh, I heartily encourage a visit to www.buddyebsen.com. Whoo doggies.

As for his passing's effect on the Dead Pool, three of us scored with Buddy's demise: me, Keith and Conni, so his estate, all 20 points of it, is divided among the three of us. With the 6.6666667 points, I widen my lead, while the suspiciously similar lists of Keith and Conni take second.

The Leaderboard:
1st Me 3 dead, 31.66666667 points
2nd Keith 3 dead, 21.66666667 points
(tie) Conni 3 dead, 21.66666667 points
4th Kirsti 2 dead, 24 points
(tie) Greg's Wily Veterans 2 dead, 24 points

Can't get enough of your dialysis, babe

Not to be overlooked, soul sensation Barry White died over the weekend at the age of 58. Sadly, his passing prevents his planned recording of "Your love is lifting my blood pressure higher." I kidney you not.

He's a dead, dead, dead, dead man

Veteran comedian Buddy Hackett has taken his last encore, passing away yesterday at the age of 79. Perhaps best known for such films as It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World, The Music Man and The Love Bug, the self-proclaimed "short, fat comic" performed his stand-up routine for more than 40 years after returning from service in WWII - going "blue" long before it was commonplace - and found new audiences with appearances on the Tonight Show and more recently The Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn. One of his last TV gigs was as a celebrity critic on Last Comic Standing, where he got to tell unfunny man Joe Rogan to shut the hell up. Vintage Hackett. A few of his favorite jokes are excerpted below.

During a visit to Jerusalem with Alan King, the city's mayor was leading a tour and exclaimed 'Isn’t it amazing what the Jews have built from nothing in the desert.’ Buddy responded, ‘You should see Las Vegas

There were two tailors, the Newman Brothers, Moe & Sam. Sam had perfect hearing, but he wore a hearing aid.
A woman would bring her son in & say"How much is that suit in the window?"
He'd say "I'll have to ask mine partner. MOE, HOW MUCH IS THE SUIT IN THE WINDOW?"
Moe would answer "Thirty-five dollars!"
Sam would say "It's 25 dollars!"
She'd say "We'll take it!"
They sold a lotta $15 suits that way.

Hackett was also apparently the source for a great urban legend about Neil Armstrong's comments on the moon. Armstrong himself said the first time he ever heard the joke was during a Hackett performance at a California night club.

Good Luck, Mr. Gorsky
When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "One Small Step for Man, One Giant Leap for Mankind" statement, but followed it by several remarks - usual COM traffic between him, the other astronauts and Mission Control. Before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky."
Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian nor American space programs.
Over the years, many people have questioned him as to what the "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky" statement meant. On July 5, in Tampa Bay, FL, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26 year old question to Armstrong. He finally responded. It seems that Mr. Gorsky had died and so Armstrong felt he could answer the question. When he was a kid, Neil was playing baseball with his brother in the backyard. His brother hit a fly ball which landed in front of his neighbors' bedroom window. The neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorksy. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, he heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, "Oral sex? Oral sex you want? You'll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"