No No Sox

His record for games caught fell in 1987, his record for wins in season fell in 2001, he’s no longer the last man to take the White Sox to the World Series, and now Al Lopez can’t even brag about being the oldest living member of the baseball Hall of Fame, passing away yesterday at the age of 97 following a heart attack. In a 19-year career with the Brooklyn Dodgers, Boston Braves, Pittsburgh Pirates and Cleveland Indians, Lopez proved to be on of the game’s most durable catchers, setting a record for games caught with 1,918, since eclipsed by Bob Boone and Carlton Fisk. More significantly, Lopez was the only manager to break up the New York Yankees stranglehold on the American League pennant from 1949 to 1964. With Lopez in the dugout, the 1954 Cleveland Indians won a then-record 111. Before last week, Lopez was the last manager to take the Chicago White Sox to the World Series, winning the 1959 AL pennant with an offense based on stolen bases and aggressive base-running that earned them the nickname “Go Go Sox.” Overall, his winning percentage as a manager was .581, earning him a place in the Hall of Fame in 1977.

After 4 years, Al Lopez finally comes through for me, and with my second hit in a week, I take first place with a month to go. Mark's Random Undead moves into 4th.

The Leaderboard
1st Me – Death Be Not Proud
7 hits, 64.7738095 points
2nd Kirsti – 2003 Champion
7 hits, 62.0833333 points
3rd Monty's Mortuary
6 hits, 45.35714286 points
4th Mark - The Random Undead
5 hits, 53.75 points
5th Shawn - Team Two
5 hits, 18.6904762 points

No complaints about riding in the back this time

Or
I never promised you a Rosa Garden, but she did get planted

Or
Rosa is Dead, the NAACP is Blue. She wouldn’t get up then, and now that’s still true.

Or

Backseat Dier

(Belated benevolence for Don)

Or
Rosa from the Dead
(Props to Monty)

Or
Park It
(Kudos for Monty)
Rosa Parks, whose sore feet started the Civil Rights movement, has died at the age of 92. With Parks’ arrest after refusing to give up her seat on a Montgomery, Alabama bus for a white man, blacks suddenly became aware they were being treated differently than whites. On Dec. 1, 1955, Parks, who had long been a part of the burgeoning civil rights effort in Montgomery, decided enough was enough and decided to challenge the city’s blacks in the back policy. She was arrested and convicted of violating the segregation policy, costing her a $14 fine, far less than the violent, even homicidal acts that had befallen many other blacks who had previously tried defying segregation. Blacks, led by Boston University’s Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., in the city boycotted city buses for nearly 13 months and launched a legal challenge that reached the Supreme Court, ultimately overturning the Jim Crow law. King became one of the most powerful leaders of the Civil Rights movement, and Parks became one of its most powerful symbols, remaining a quiet tower of strength for the rest of her life.

Five of us expected Rosa to get busy in the back seat of a hearse, scoring 4 points apiece. I move back into second with my Death Be Not Proud team, Keith’s Nine Old Men (and One Old Woman) take 6th, Dawn climbs into 13th, Steve pulls into 14th and Christine notches her first hit of the year to slip into 27th place.

That’s All Folks
Gordon Lee, the chubby child actor who played Spanky’s little brother Porky, has died at the age of 71. Lee appeared in more than 40 “Our Gang” shorts in the 1930s, but a growth spurt left him too thin for his character’s name and he was dropped from the rotation. Porky’s most notable achievement in the series was being the first to utter the word “O-Tay” which would become much more closely associated with his on- and off-screen best friend Billie “Buckwheat” Thomas. Lee and Tommy Bond, who played Butch and died last month, were among the last living members of Our Gang, few of whom lived to senior citizenry.

Now in the freezer aisle . . .

Or
Down in the valley (of the shadow of death) with the Jolly Green Giant
(Laudatories for both to the Angel of Death, Kirsti)
Len Dresslar, a jazz and pop singer best known for lending his baritone to the Jolly Green Giant, has died at the age of 80. His vocal stylings made “Ho Ho Ho” one of the most familiar ad jingles of the last half century. Dresslar was also the first voice for Snap, of Crackle, Pop fame.

Wellington’s beef
New York Giants owner Wellington Mara, one of the last of the NFL’s founders, has died at the age of 89. An influential owner, today’s NFL owes him a deep debt of gratitude. One of the strengths of the NFL is the revenue sharing of TV rights, which puts all teams on equal footing in divvying up the billion dollar contracts. In the 1960s, Mara and his brother Jack agreed to the plan, despite owning the team in the league’s biggest market, for the good of the league. I’m looking at you, George. After Commissioner Pete Rozelle’s retirement in 1989, Mara became the king-maker, overcoming initial reluctance to throw his support to current Commissioner Paul Tagliabue. Mara was beloved by his players, and returned the kindness, securing jobs and health care for ex-players on hard times and their families and greeting his players, win or lose, in the locker room after nearly every game. Apprised of Mara’s condition this Sunday, the Giants, having won on a touchdown in the closing seconds, chanted his nickname, “Duke” in the victorious locker room.

Crimson Tide Rolls Out

Unrevivian Jones
(Kudos to Monty)
Vivian Jones, the first person for whom the University of Alabama was anything more than a safety school, has died of a stroke at the age of 63. Presumably, she did not find George Wallace standing in front of the Pearly Gates. In 1963, she and James Hood enrolled at the University of Alabama, prompting then-Gov. Wallace’s deeply felt decision to defy court orders and bar their entry long enough to read a self-aggrandizing statement, then leave. Although Hood dropped out soon thereafter, Jones stood up to the racist taunts to become the first black to graduate from the University of Alabama. And based on the performance of their football teams, one of the last.

Fouled Out Forever

Or
Heaven Needs a Benchwarmer
(Props to James for both)
Faced with the prospect of another laughable Atlanta Hawks season, center Jason Collier took the easy way out, collapsing and passing away at the age of 28. "We are saddened by the news of Jason Collier's sudden passing. He epitomized hard work, dedication and perseverance, and more importantly compassion, kindness and selflessness," said NBA commissioner David Stern, who I’m reasonably sure couldn’t have picked Collier out of a line-up.

Fuck Off

Or
Blasted Off

Or
I think it’s going to be a long, long time before touchdown brings him ‘round again
(With an assist from GHI drop-out John)
Charles Rocket, who committed career suicide as the only cast member of Saturday Night Live to curse on the air has sealed the deal again at the age of 56. In a 1981 skit parodying the “Who Shot J.R.?” mania, Rocket, as J.R. said, “Oh man, it’s the first time I’ve been shot in my life. I’d like to know who the fuck did it.” Combined with the show’s lackluster ratings, Rocket, who had been the Weekend Update anchor, was fired, along with most of the cast, writers and the show’s producer. His career included blink and you miss it cameos in Dances With Wolves and Short Cuts, some voiceover work, a short stint as the Captain in the talking-dog cop sitcom Tequila and Bonetti, a recurring role as David Addison’s brother on Moonlighting and as the antagonist in Tex, the Passive-Aggressive Gunslinger.

Felt Fetish, Effete Nebbish

Juhl of Denial
Jerry Juhl, Emmy Award-winning former head writer for the Muppets has died at the age of 67, joining Muppet creator Jim Henson as another victim of the Felt Flu. While Henson gave the Muppets their heart, Juhl provided the subversive wit as the head writer for Sesame Street, co-writer of the “The Muppet Movie,” “The Great Muppet Caper,” “Muppet Treasure Island” and “Muppets From Space” and solo scripter for “The Muppet Christmas Carol.” He was also head writer and creative producer on the award-winning “Fraggle Rock,” Henson's 1983-87 TV series about a race of small creatures that live underground. Juhl’s collaboration with Henson actually dates back to the 1950s and Henson’s first show, Sam and Friends, the Washington, DC-based show where Henson first found the appeal of being elbow-deep in a frog’s ass.

The End is Nye

Or
Louis Nye, the Lifeless Guy
(Mad props to Monty)
Veteran comedian Louis Nye has died of lung cancer at the age of 92. A featured second banana with Bill Dana, Don Knotts and Steve Allen’s squirrel-like toupee on The Steve Allen Show, one of Nye’s roles was an unctuous ad man named Gordon Hathaway, for whom he created a national catchphrase with the salutation, “Hi ho, Steverino.” It may not seem like much, but remember this is a nation that adopts national catchphrases from hamburger commercials. With his gaunt appearance and hangdog expression, Nye was like a comic version of John Carradine. And like Carradine, Nye’s career was marked with a lot of paycheck decisions: Sex Kittens Go to College, Cannonball Run II and Won Ton Ton, the Dog that Saved Hollwood. He was better served by guest shots on television, such as Sonny, Milburn Drysdale’s son on The Beverly Hillbillies, a passenger on The Love Boat so afraid of drowning that he wears a life jacket at all times, and as Jeff’s father on "Curb Your Enthusiasm."

Rhymer, Writer, Helmer, Helper

In completing pyramids and making matches, Nipsey Russell was among the best
Catch him now only on GSN, as TV’s Poet Laureate is off to his eternal rest
A sad goodbye to a rhymer fantastic
As rigor mortis renders him quite inelastic

Or
Though some of you may not know it
He was TV's foremost poet
So today I rhyme here in his stead,
For Nipsey Russell is now dead.
(Props to Craig)

Or
On Match Game he was a talking head
Catch the reruns 'cause now he’s dead
(Kudos to Mark)

or
He was once the poet laureate of TV
But now worm food is all he'll be
(Honorifics to Mark)
Former Tin Man Nipsey Russell has died at the age of 80. Starting in the 1950s, Russell developed a popular following as a stand-up comedian, which he eventually parlayed into a long-standing gig as one of those TV personalities who were only known for being on TV that the 1970s were so good at producing. Peppering his appearances on The Tonight Show, The Ed Sullivan Show, The Dean Martin Show, the Jackie Gleason Show and such game shows as the many incarnations of Match Game and the $64,000 Pyramid with witty aphorisms and rhyming couplets, Russell became known as the Poet Laureate of Television, which is somewhat akin to being the style maven of the Professional Bowlers Association. On occasion, Russell played it straight, such as his role as Officer Anderson on Car 54, Where Are You?, a role he reprised in the awful cinematic revisitation, as the principal in Wildcats. Appearing as the Tin Man, he also was generally regarded as the best thing about The Wiz, which is somewhat akin to being the smartest guy on Hee Haw.

A sampling from Nipsey’s Garden of Verses
The opposite of pro is con;
That fact is clearly seen;
If progress means move forward,
Then what does Congress mean?

Before we lose our autonomy
And our economy crumbles into dust
We should attack Japan, lose the war
And let Japan take care of us.

The kids are saying 'Make Love, Not War',
and I'm beginning to think they're right.
For war costs millions of dollars a day,
and love--just a few bucks a night!

August Wilson’s Come and Gone
(Shared epitaphany with Mark)

Or
Broken Fences
(Kudos to Craig)

Or
No Light in August
(Ibid.)

Or
No Trains Running
(Props to Mark)

Or
Pittsburgh Re-Cycled
(Laudatories for rookie-to-be Joe)
August Wilson, the nation’s pre-eminent African-American playwright, has died at the age of 60. Why only 60? Because if he made it to 61, the Man might get twitchy. And the liver cancer didn’t help, either. In a career spent telling the story of black America, Wilson won 7 New York Drama Critic’s Circle Awards, a Tony and a Pulitzer for Fences in 1987 and another Pulitzer for The Piano Lesson in 1990. Radio Golf, the last chapter of Wilson’s epic 10-play cycle, each of which chronicled a decade of the 20th Century, opened last year, completing a story started in 1984 with Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom.

Ha, Cunha mortata
Richard E. Cunha, director of several cult horror movies of the 1950s, has died at the age of 83. Armed with a typical budget of $65,000 and facing 6-day shooting schedules, Cuhna’s films were less than critical successes. His most beloved films were Giant from the Unknown, about a 400-year old conquistador terrorizing modern-day California, She Demons, about three men and a sexy women stranded on an island with Nazi criminals, a mad scientist and crazed beauty contest winners, Missle to the Moon, about a lunar expedition finding a sinister female presiding over a race of moon-women, and Frankenstein's Daughter, about Dr. Frankenstein’s crazy grandson creating strange monsters in modern-day Los Angeles.

Life is Difficult, Then You Die
(Props to James)
M. Scott Peck, a psychiatrist and self-help author, has taken the road traveled by everyone eventually, succumbing to pancreatic and liver cancer at the age of 69. Wilson is best remembered for his 1978 best seller The Road Less Traveled, a combination of New Age hokum, Christian blather and psychological claptrap. Eschewing the touchy-feeliness of most self-help books, Peck opened with the line, “Life is Difficult” and explained that self discovery is a long, arduous process with no easy answers. But buy this book and you’ll figure it out.