Death of a Stool Pigeon

Or
A Squealer Named Expired
(Kudos to Greg for the header)
Elia Kazan, the Academy-Award winner of On the Waterfront, has died at the age of 94. Kazan got his start on Broadway with the original productions of such Pulitzer Prize-winning classics as Death of a Salesman, A Streetcar Named Desire and Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, before heading to Hollywood, where in addition to Waterfront, he also won an Oscar for Gentleman's Agreement, and directed A Tree Grows in Brooklyn and the film version of Streetcar. He was a proponent of the method style, and his films were noted for their gritty naturalism. His cinematic success was tempered by his contributions to the House Un-American Activities Committee, where he was one of the most influential filmmakers to name names, many of whom ended up on the Hollywood blacklist, effectively ending their careers. This dichotomy was illustrated last year, as Kazan was honored with a lifetime achievement Academy Award, drawing applause from some for his brilliant film-making, and stoney silence from others for his betrayal.

Kazan's death caps a busy weekend that until now had done no one any good. The other mortal coil shufflers are listed below, but first, props to Greg, who ends Kirsti's 6-week run atop the leaderboard, pulling into first place with 6 hits and 66.22222222 points.

The Leaderboard:
1st: Greg's Wily Veterans 6 dead, 66.22222222
2nd: Kirsti 6 dead, 58.44444444
3rd: Keith 5 dead, 43.88888889
4th: Conni 5 dead, 26.11111111
5th: Me 4 dead, 33.88888889

Rain on my Parade

Donald O’Connor, the last of the great song and dance men, died Saturday at the age of 78. Best known for his classic Make ‘Em Laugh routine in Singin’ in the Rain. That routine, a series of improvised pratfalls, left O’Connor so bruised that he had to be off his legs for 3 days. When he returned to the set, O’Connor found that there had been a problem with the camera, and he had to recreate the entire scene. O’Connor was used to this type of disrespect, having been upstaged by Francis, the Talking Mule in 6 films. When he declined to appear in a 7th, O’Connnor explained, "When you do 6 films and the mule still gets more fan mail than you do…." A consummate entertainer to the end, O’Connor’s final statement read, in part, "I'd like to thank the Academy for my lifetime achievement award that I will eventually get."

Game Over

George Plimpton has taken participatory journalism too far, seeking to send dispatches from the other side after passing away last night at the age of 76. The Harvard-educated son of a diplomat who founded the literary magazine Paris Review, Plimpton found his greatest following recounting his tales as an underdog everyman in extraordinary circumstances. He boxed with heavyweight champion Archie Moore, played quarterback for the Detroit Lions in a preseason game, pitched to Willie Mays in an All-Star exhibition, and manned the trapeze in the Clyde Beatty-Cole Brothers Circus. He also conspired with Sports Illustrated to pull off one of the all-time great April Fool's jokes, detailing the exploits of Sidd Finch, a mysterious pitcher from Tibet who threw a fastball 168 mph during spring training with the Mets in a 1984 cover story that fooled hundreds of readers. Despite his noble upbringing and regal bearing, Plimpton's self-deprecating nature kept him well grounded, and he deigned to do ads for Mattel Electronics Intellivision "Intelligent Television" video game console and cartridges, appeared as John Carter's (the other one) grandfather on ER and appeared in a Simpsons episode. In his later years, he was beseiged by lifetime literary awards, but the pyrotechnic-phile was most pleased with the honorary position of New York City Fireworks Commissioner.

Simply Irresuscitatable

Children of the '80s mourn: Robert Palmer, best known for the hits Simply Irresistible and Addicted to Love, died today of a heart attack in Paris at the age of 54. A private memorial featuring several rows of swaying mourners wearing miniskirts and shades is scheduled for Saturday.

And now the lyrics you'll be fighting to keep out of your head for the rest of the day:

How can it be permissible
She compromised my principle, yeah yeah
That kind of love is mythical
She's anything but typical
She's a craze you'd endorse, she's a powerful force
You're obliged to conform when there's no other course
She used to look good to me, but now I find her

Simply irresistible
Simply irresistible

Her loving is so powerful, huh
It's simply unavoidable
The trend is irreversible
The woman is invincible

She's a natural law, and she leaves me in awe
She deserves the applause, I surrender because
She used to look good to me, but now I find her

Simply irresistible
Simply irresistible

(Simply irresistible) She's so fine, there's no tellin' where the money went
(Simply irresistible) She's all mine, there's no other way to go

She's unavoidable, I'm backed against the wall
She gives me feelings like I never felt before
I'm breaking promises, she's breaking every law
She used to look good to me, but now I find her

Simply irresistible
She's so fine, there's no tellin' where the money went
(Simply irresistible) She's all mine, there's no other way to go

Her methods are inscrutable
The proof is irrefutable, Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
She's so completely kissable, huh
Our lives are indivisible

She's a craze you'd endorse, she's a powerful force
You're obliged to conform when there's no other course
She used to look good to me, but now I find her

Simply irresistible
Simply irresistible

She's so fine, there's no tellin' where the money went
(Simply irresistible) She's all mine, there's no other way to go
She's so fine, there's no tellin' where the money went
(Simply irresistible) She's all mine, there's no other way to go

Simply irresistible

The May Toe-tag Man

Gordon Jump, who starred as Arthur Carlson, general manager of WKRP in Cincinnati and the latter day Maytag Repairman, died yesterday at the age of 71. Hard-core TV viewers also remember him as a pedophile bicycle shop owner from a very special two-part episode of Diff'rent Strokes. One of the most underrated comedies of the 1970s, WKRP was hampered by 30 time changes in its 4 years on the air. Jump had perhaps the best line ever on the show. During a Thanksgiving Day promotion, Mr. Carlson dropped free live turkeys from a helicopter, with the expected results. Walking back into the station offices, a shaken Mr. Carlson explained: "As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly."

Warren, the Forgotten Ghost

Just reported this week, Warren Kremer, a cartoonist for Harvey Comics who created Richie Rich and transformed Casper into the Friendly Ghost, died July 24 at the age of 82. That Kremer's passing went unnoticed for so long is hardly surprising, given his 35 years of toil for lowly Harvey Comics, which in the world of comic books is the Fredo to Marvel and DC's Michael and Sonny. Kremer also created the Hot Stuff baby devil icon, so popular at the Shore Mall Tattoo Parlor.

Dead Poole

It was a bad week to have appeared in Hoosiers, as Kent Poole, who played Merle Webb in the greatest sports movie of all time, killed himself at his home on Sept. 11 at the age of 39. Poole led his own small-town team into the Indiana basketball state finals in 1982, then art imitated life, with a little more success, in the 1986 film. Best remembered for the line, “Let’s win this for all the small schools that never had a chance to get here,” as the team prepared for the championship, Poole’s only screen appearance was Hoosiers, not counting a crappy Molly Ringwald-Andrew McCarthy 1988 flick. He returned to his farm; reportedly Poole had battled depression in recent years and was in the process of a divorce.

He was a two-eyed, one-hit singing western movie actor

Sheb Wooley, the man who brought vengeance to Will Kane’s Hadleyville in High Noon and Coach Norman Dale to Hickory High School in Hoosiers, died Wednesday at the age of 82. A character actor in more than 30 films and numerous television appearances and a country-western singer, Wooley was best known for his novelty hit “Purple People Eater,” a No. 1 hit for 6 weeks in 1958.

Come and Knock on Our Door, St. Peter's Waiting for You

Where the kisses are hearse and hearse and his, Jack Tripper's dead, too

(Props to Laura for the subject line, shame on me for not knowing when to stop)

Or

Tripped Up

In a shock to many of the TV generation, John Ritter, star of Hooperman, and Rev. Matthew Fordwick on Little House on the Prairie, died this morning of a previously undiagnosed heart ailment at the age of 54 after collapsing on the set last night. He may be slightly better remembered as Jack Tripper from Three's a Crowd and Three's Company. An ABC spokesman said, "Later this week, he will fill a large hole in the ground, but for now, he creates a huge hole in our Fall Lineup." The spokesman continued that at 12 p.m. today, all employees will hold a moment of silence, then will open a door into their face as a final tribute to Ritter's comic genius. As always, I look for the silver lining on occasions like this: Goodbye, 8 Simple Rules for Dating my Teenage Daughter.

Cashed Out

(Props to Ali for the header)
It was a warm and sunny morning, the day they looked out the window to see the hearse come to carry him away. Yes, the circle is unbroken, the Man in Black died in a Nashville (fittingly) hospital at the age of 71. Known for his dark and brooding songs, Johnny Cash recorded more than 1,500 songs in his 6-decade career. Despite failing health in recent years, Cash picked up his 10th career Grammy for Best Male Country Vocal Performance Give My Love to Rose, and hard as it is for me to type it, Justin Timberlake actually classed up the MTV Video Music Awards with a tribute upon accepting his Moon Man for Best Pop Video: "My grandfather raised me on Johnny Cash, and I think he deserves this more than any of us in here tonight." Cash also is the only person to have been inducted into the Songwriters, Country Music, and Rock And Roll Halls of Fame. And of course he saved Homer and Marge's marriage as a talking coyote on The Simpsons. As to where he is now, let's just hope Johnny isn't standing in a burning ring of fire.

A certain condo in Evanston, Illinois is reaping the benefits of this morning's events, as Kirsti records her 6th hit, strengthening her death grip on the leaderboard, while hubby Greg vaults into 2nd.

The Leaderboard:
1st: Kirsti 6 dead, 58.44444444
2nd: Gregs Wily Veterans 5 dead, 46.22222222
3rd: Keith 5 dead, 43.88888889
4th: Conni 5 dead, 26.11111111
5th: Me 4 dead, 33.88888889

He Hears Nothing, He Sees Nothing, He Breathes Nothing

Tuesday was a bad day to be a Nazi sympathizer. Larry Hovis, whose ineptitude at Stalag 17 gave constant comfort to Colonel Wilhelm Klink, died yesterday of esophageal cancer at the age of 67. Best known as Sgt. Andrew Carter on the show that made it ok to laugh at the Nazis and the Gestapo and made "the Russian front" a punchline, Hogan's Heroes. He also was a producer of really bad game shows like Liar's Club and Yahtzee. At the time of his death, Hovis was teaching a class on how to be a one-trick pony in the world of sitcoms at Texas State University-San Marcos, with such noted graduates as JM J Bullock, Yakov Smirnoff and Jeff Foxworthy.

Dr. Strangegrave, Or How I Learned to Stop Breathing and Love the Berm

Edward Teller, Father of the H-Bomb, died yesterday at the age of 95. Teller escaped Adolph Hitler's science corps during WWII, fleeing to America where he became a leader of the Manhattan Project, the top-secret program that led to the development of the atomic bomb. Unlike many of his colleagues, Teller encouraged the development of a strong nuclear capability as a form of deterrence, and encouraged Ronald Reagan to waste billions on the Strategic Defense Initiative, better known as the failed Star Wars program.

Triumph of the Worms

Leni Reifenstahl, documentary filmmaker of the Nazis before World War II, died today at the age of 101. Among the innovations Reifenstahl pioneered was using railroad car-mounted cameras to follow races during the 1936 Olympics in Berlin, which were captured for the film Olympia. But her earlier work brought her the most notoriety. In 1934, Reifenstahl filmed a Nazi Party rally in Nuremberg, producing the documentary Triumph of the Will. The award-winning film reveals then-revolutionary film-making techniques, but after the war Reifenstahl became inextricably linked with the Nazis and was blacklisted worldwide.

Greg and Mark both scored on this and movied up in the standings to 4th and 6th, respectively. Should be an interesting photo finish, as there are only 3 common names among the top 6 entries. The leaderboard:

The leaderboard:
1st: Kirsti 5 dead, 48.44444444
2nd: Keith 5 dead, 43.88888889
3rd: Conni 5 dead, 26.11111111
4th: Greg's Wily Veterans 4 dead, 36.22222222
5th: Me 4 dead, 33.88888889

He's Sleeping Now

or

The Cigarettes Didn't Help

or
This Obituary Brought to You by the Denver Board of Tourism


or
Hope Someone Answers

or
He's Not So Excitable Now
(Props to Kirsti)
Warren Zevon, whose musical career was so much more than the song everyone knows, Werewolves of London, died yesterday at the age of 56, more than a year after being given 3 months to live in his battle with lung cancer. Zevon's career could almost be a soundtrack for the Dead Pool, with such songs as I'll Sleep When I'm Dead, Life'll Kill Ya and Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead, and his final album, begun after the announcement of terminal cancer, Knocking on Heaven's Door.

With such advance notice, most people jumped on the Zevon dead-wagon: Kirsti, Keith, Conni, Mark, Greg, Michelle, Christine, John and Me, or everyone but Joan-Marie and Shawn, the Lanterne Rouge of our Deathwatch Peloton.

The leaderboard:
1st: Kirsti 5 dead, 48.44444444
2nd: Keith 5 dead, 43.88888889
3rd: Conni 5 dead, 26.11111111
4th: Me 4 dead, 33.88888889
5th: Greg's Wily Veterans 3 dead, 26.22222222

Death Wish Granted

Charles Bronson, the laconic squinting conflicted hero of dozens of films when Clint Eastwood was still the man with no job, died Saturday at the age of 81. He was one of the Dirty Dozen, completed the Magnificent Seven, and survived the Great Escape before making 3 decades of cinematic dreck like Death Wish V, Death Hunt, and Messenger of Death. With his demise, 4 of the Magnificent Seven have died in the last 10 months, following Brad Dexter (12-12-02), James Coburn (11-18-02) and Hurst Buchholz (3-3-03). Robert Vaughn is the lone living member. The Dozen have fared better, as Jim Brown, Trini Lopez, Donald Sutherland, Clint Walker, Tom Busby, Al Mancini, Colin Maitland and Stuart Cooper are all still on this side of the Dirty.

As for our Eccentric Eleven, Keith was the only one to anticipate Bronson's Majestyk leap into the hereafter, and pulls down 20 points to leap into second place with 4 corpses and 41.66666667 points. The leaderboard:

1st: Kirsti 4 dead, 46.22222222
2nd: Keith 4 dead, 41.66666667
3rd: Me 4 dead, 33.88888889
4th: Conni 4 dead, 23.88888889
5th: Greg's Wily Veterans 3 dead, 26.22222222