Last Dances

Pitney Bows

Or
Down Without Pity
(Props to Joe)
Only love can break a heart, but investigators are trying to determine what stopped Gene Pitney’s, as the Rock and Roll Hall of Famer died in a London hotel at the age of 65, and now every breath he takes can be counted on Ash’s right hand. Pitney had hits as a songwriter with “Rubber Ball,” for Bobby Vee, and “Hello Mary Lou,” for Ricky Nelson. He also had hits as a performer with “Love My Life Away,” and “The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance,” which never actually was used for the film but still hit No. 4. His high point came in 1962, when he hit No. 2 on the charts with “Only Love Can Break a Heart,” topped only by The Crystals’ “He’s a Rebel,” which he wrote.
Black Night

Or
To a Coach Dying Young
Army women's basketball coach Maggie Dixon has slipped betimes away, just a month after leading the Black Knights to their NCAA Tournament debut, at the age of 28 after suffering an arrhythmic episode to her heart. After taking the Patriot League title to secure the NCAA berth in her first season, her players carried her off the court on their shoulders and she received a standing ovation from 4,000 cadets in the dining hall, but silence sounds no worse than cheers once earth has stopped the ears.

Ghost and Toast

Caspar the Pardoned Ghost

Or
Cap Gets Knifed
(Props to Monty and Craig for the shared epitaphany)

Or
Caspar the Defense Ghost
(Further adulation for Monty)

Or
Caspar the Ghost
(This lack of creativity stolen wholly without permission from Derby Dead Pool, where I’m still sitting in 37th, and deathlist.net)

Or
The friendly spook
(More larceny from www.stiffs.com)

Or
You can't spell "Weinberger dies" without SDI
(Additional honorifics for Craig)
Caspar Weinberger, who helped three different Republican presidents circumvent the Constitution, has died of pneumonia at the age of 88. Weinberger’s approach to government was that the social safety net wasn’t worth keeping, but the impossible-to-build missile safety net known as the Strategic Defense Initiative, aka Star Wars, was worth running up crippling deficits for decades. First entering the White House under Nixon, Weinberger served as the director of the Office of Management and Budget, earning the nickname Cap the Knife as he shot down budget requests with a smile, then started screwing the poor as secretary of health, education and welfare, a position he also held down for President Ford. After a brief malaise for his wife and the country, Weinberger returned as secretary of defense under President Reagan, and rode herd over the largest and costliest peacetime military build-up ever in peacetime. As secretary of defense, Weinberger was rigid in his opposition to the Soviet Union, but got outfoxed by secretary of state George Shultz, who courted Nancy Reagan and rode the day as President Reagan took a warmer posture toward Mikhail Gorbachev. Weinberger also wrapped himself in a bit of shame in his role in the Iran-Contra Affair, selling arms to Iran to fund soldiers in Nicaragua – a role conveniently covered up with a presidential pardon from George I after being indicted on felony charges of perjury and obstruction of justice.

Four of us expected for the Cap to get popped, most notably, Don’s Dead-End Canadians, who move into 16th as Don’s streak of futility ends at 2 years, 4 months, 28 days. Joining him in 16th are Michelle's Corpse Descending a Staircase (after 4 years of waiting) and Monty’s DC Undead, while Mark’s Beltway Boneyard III: Filibustering the Grim Reaper takes 6th. For those curious about the last man in good standing, it’s Craig, now 1 year and 15 days since X-ing out George Kennan.

The Leaderboard
1st Jennifer
3 hits, 13.52380953 points
2nd Paul - Pushing Daisies
2 hits, 30 points
tie Shawn - Team Three – Old
2 hits, 30 points
4th Monty - Italian Whine
2 hits, 26.66666667 points
5th Monty - Comedy of Terrors
2 hits, 22.85714286 points

20,000 Centimeters Under the Earth

Or
Toe Tag, Toe Tag, Toe Tag

Or
Final Voyage

Or
Dead Sonja
(Another entry from Craig’s list)

Or
Soon to be Soylent Green
(Craig keeps sharing)
Soylent Green is made from Richard Fleischer, as one of the most anonymous directors of movies you know by heart has died at the age of 89. Among Fleischer’s hits include 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea; Tora, Tora, Tora; Doctor Dolittle; Soylent Green and Fantastic Voyage. Among his cultural experiments were The Vikings, Barabbas and Che! Along the way, he learned that Sylvia Sidney could cry on cue, Orson Welles didn’t like when actors looked at him during a scene and Rex Harrison, who needed “a swift kick in the head,” complained when animals failed to make eye contact. His later career atrocities after he had lost regard for audiences included the Neil Diamond vehicle The Jazz Singer, Amityville 3-D, Red Sonja and Conan the Destroyer.

Lem’s the Breaks
(The cap tipped again for Mr. Barker)
Stanislaw Lem, arguably the finest Polish science fiction author ever, has died of heart failure at the age of 84. Best remembered for Solaris, which was turned into the 1972 feature film Solaris and the inferior 2002 feature film Solaris, he also wrote the 1951 novel "Astronauci" ("The Astronauts"), which was turned into the 1960 East German film Der Schweigende Stern, which became the dubbed Mystery Science Theater 3000 fodder First Spaceship on Venus, which he repudiated and unsuccessfully attempted to have his name removed from. Living in Poland during WWII, Lem hid his Jewish background while sabotaging German vehicles in ways not easily detectable. He did the same thing to the Communist regime, which largely ignored his science fiction, making him an effective political satirist.

Shotgun dead, and boy was he bony

Or
Scattering something else around the field...
(Craig continues…)
Red Hickey, the NFL coach credited with inventing the shotgun formation making it easier for quarterbacks to run like scared rabbits, has died at the age of 89. Hickey helped the 1941 University of Arkansas team make the Final Four, then moved on to the Cleveland Rams, where he won the 1945 NFL championship as an end. In 1960, in his second year as coach of the San Francisco 49ers, Hickey devised his famed formation. Unfortunately, John Brodie was pretty nigh incompetent, and Hickey resigned in 1964 with a 27-27-1 record. He later showed his little trick to the Dallas Cowboys and Roger Staubach, who had a little more success.