Back before anyone could send $20 to get a star named after you, naming a planet was a big deal, so we recognize Venetia Phair, who suggested to her grandfather, retired librarian of the Bodleian Library at Oxford University Falconer Madan, that the newly discovered 9th planet be christened Pluto when it was first photographed in 1930. For her efforts, she got 5 pounds, and of course, her own GHI obituary. She is also indirectly the namer of Mickey Mouse’s dog, as Walt celebrated the discovery by using the name Pluto for the pup, also introduced to the public in 1930.
Or And Dead There's Maude (Props to Phil) Female impersonator Bea Arthur, best remembered as the singing bartender from The Star Wars Holiday Special, has died at the age of somewhere between 40 and the death. In her 50 year career, said that she did everything but rodeo and porno, for which fans of the equine and the supine… and anyone with eyes… can be grateful. The manly, acid-tongued sitcom star spent her career as a sex symbol for the forgotten, first as Maude, the swinging cousin of Edith Bunker, who at 47 needed an abortion, 2 months before Roe v. Wade made it legal nationwide, and then helped put the sex in sexagenarian as one of the Golden Girls showing off their golden gates to any continent Miami man with his own hair. Arthur proved to be less delightfully unlovable than John Cleese in the Fawlty Towers adaptation Amanda’s. In addition to her two Emmys, one each for Maude and Dorothy, she won the Tony in 1966 as Vera Charles, Angela Lansbury’s drunken best friend in Mame. She recreated the role in the comically awful screen version opposite Lucille Ball. Other roles included Dewey’s babysitter on Malcolm in the Middle, playing Peter Griffin in Rolling Courage: The Joe Swanson Story, and highlighting the Comedy Central roast of Pamela Anderson, reading excerpts about receiving sodomy advice from Anderson’s Star: The Novel.
Doc Blanchard, who won the 1945 Heisman Trophy as Mr. Inside, has died at the age of 84. In the era before the service academies existed to help Notre Dame make the Outback Bowl, Blanchard and his Army backfield mate Mr. Outside Glenn Davis led the Cadets to a three-year record of 27-0-1 and national titles in 1944 and 1945. Blanchard racked up 38 TDs, and 1,908 yards in three seasons. Drafted by the Steelers in 1946, Blanchard opted to tie instead of losing and served as a fighter pilot in the Korean War and the Vietnam War, retiring as a colonel in 1971.
Harry Kalas, legendary voice of the Philadelphia Phillies for 44 years, has died at the age of 73, and I can’t imagine an obituary I have wanted to write less. The Hall of Famer was one of the last of a disappearing breed in an era of homogenized interchangeable announcers, and enjoyed the 8th-longest tenure as a play-by-play man with a single team. Coming to the Phillies in 1971 to replace Bill Campbell, another popular legend, after 5 years as the Houston Astros radio voice, he was not welcomed with open arms, but quickly formed an amazing rapport with Richie Ashburn that made broadcasts a treat and for many less than memorable games in so many lost seasons, they were the only reasons to tune in to the evening broadcasts. He was unabashedly enthusiastic about the Phillies, declaring, “Chase Utley, You are the Man,” after an amazing bit of base-running derring do, but never shied from criticizing when the home team botched yet another play. When an error set up a game-winning homer off Billy Wagner that put the nail in the Phils coffin in 2005, he wrapped up the inning, “All 3 runs were unearned, not that it matters.” Umpires weren’t immune, either, with “Right down the middle for a ball,” being a familiar call whether the Phillies were pitching or batting at the time. He emceed the opening and closings of Veterans Stadium, the opening of Citizens Bank Park, the 1980 World Series parade, number retirement ceremonies for Mike Schmidt, Steve Carlton and Jim Bunning, called Schmidt’s 500th homer and sang High Hopes when the 1993 Phillies completed their improbable clinching of the National League pennant. He also emceed countless community and charity events, and never turned down a request for an autograph or to record an answering machine message to inform callers that someone was “Outta Here,” or had taken “A long drive.” Some will take solace in him reuniting with Richie Ashburn, his best friend and broadcast partner for almost 30 years before Ashburn’s passing in 1997, but I’ll remember him finally getting to broadcast the World Series clinching moment last fall after being denied by MLB in 1980, calling Matt Stairs’ game-winning homer in his last game, and in the last Phillies game I’ve attended this year, with the team collecting World Series rings for the second time in its history, some of the loudest cheers of the afternoon were for Harry throwing out the first pitch. For three generations of Phillies fans, Harry Kalas meant baseball, the Phillies and summer, and none of the three will ever be the same.
Mark Fidrych, one of the great one-year wonders in major league baseball history, was strangled by the drive shaft of his dump truck in a small New England town at the age of 54, inspiring 4 Stephen King novels. The year was 1976. The Detroit Tigers were coming off a 102-loss season and having nothing to lose, called up a gangly 6-foot-3, 21-year-old kid nicknamed Bird after his resemblance to Big Bird. He made his major league debut on May 15 with a complete game win, carrying a no-hitter for 6 innings. More interesting were his eccentricities – talking to the ball in tight situations and getting on his hands and knees to pat down the mound before every inning. He completed his next game, a loss, then manager Ralph Houk decided bullpens were for sissies and sent him out for back-to-back 11-inning complete games. By this time Bird mania had set in, and every Fidrych start, home or away, drew 15,000-20,000 more fans than any other game. The Tigers drew as many for his 18 home starts as they did for their other 63 without him. The only thing bigger than Fidrych was the Bicentennial – he finished 19-9 with a 2.34 ERA with 24 complete games, winning the Rookie of the Year and finishing second in the Cy Young balloting. Along the way, he met his namesake on Sesame Street, dazzled the nation in a nationally televised win at Yankee Stadium, started the All-Star Game, was the first athlete on the cover of Rolling Stone and signed an endorsement deal with Aqua-Velva – ironic because he hadn’t started shaving yet. The modern bullpen hadn’t been invented yet, and all those innings in 1976 took their toll – after starting 29 games that year, he only started 27 more over the next 4 years and was out of major league baseball by 25 with what was eventually diagnosed as a torn rotator cuff.
Marilyn Chambers, the best advertisement ever for Ivory Snow, has died at the age of 56. No cause of death has been identified, but she was known to have survived several thousand strokes. After some time as a model, she got a small part in The Owl and the Pussycat, which gave her an insatiable appetite for acting. She would see a lot more birds and kitties, but there would be no more small parts in her career. She was a pioneer, introducing the era of pube-free porn as one of the first actresses to go hairless, the better to show off her lady bits. She enjoyed widespread fame with her first feature, Behind the Green Door, as a wholesome woman kidnapped into an Eyes Wide Shut-like party, without the midget. She thought this might open the door for mainstream films, a tragic misuse of her lack of a gag reflex, but the only doors that getting passed around on-screen like a doobie in the parking lot at a Grateful Dead concert opened were on the backs of vans. She was never able to penetrate Hollywood the same way she got… never mind. In an ironic twist, she was found naked and alone in a mobile home, the same way most of her fans enjoyed her career.
Dan Miller, who went from the obscurity of an anchor’s desk in Nashville to the near obscurity of being Pat Sajak’s sidekick on his short-lived late-night talk show, has died at the age of 67. After 15 months of pretending Sajak was funny, Miller was granted a reprieve with the show’s cancellation.
