Mr. Deep Freeze

Or

The Good, the Bad and the Dead

Eli Wallach, best remembered as the third Mr. Freeze on Batman, has died at the age of 98. He outlived all but one of The Magnificent Seven, reminding us that evil will always triumph over good, because good has worse health care, and leaves only Clint Eastwood from The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. He stole Carroll Baker from Karl Malden in Baby Doll, had a front row seat for Marilyn Monroe and Clark Gable playing out the string in The Misfits, and saw Francis Ford Coppola shovel dirt on the legacy of The Godfather as Don Altobello, who gets a poisoned cannoli as his reward for trying to double-cross Michael Corleone. Other roles included a bitter screenwriter in the only parts of The Holiday worth watching, a blacklisted TV writer in the only scenes worth watching in Studio 60, and an aged banker in Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps, which still didn’t make that worth watching. 

Mr. Deep Freeze

Or

The Good, the Bad and the Dead

Eli Wallach, best remembered as the third Mr. Freeze on Batman, has died at the age of 98. He outlived all but one of The Magnificent Seven, reminding us that evil will always triumph over good, because good has worse health care, and leaves only Clint Eastwood from The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. He stole Carroll Baker from Karl Malden in Baby Doll, had a front row seat for Marilyn Monroe and Clark Gable playing out the string in The Misfits, and saw Francis Ford Coppola shovel dirt on the legacy of The Godfather as Don Altobello, who gets a poisoned cannoli as his reward for trying to double-cross Michael Corleone. Other roles included a bitter screenwriter in the only parts of The Holiday worth watching, a blackilisted TV writer in the only scenes worth watching in Studio 60, and an aged banker in Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps, which still didn’t make that worth watching.

The Shaggy DOA

Or

The longest distance dedication

(Kudos to Shawn)

Or

Reaching for the stars just got a little easier

Or

Keeping his feet in the ground...

(More merit for Mark)

Or

Keep your feet on the ground, and keep reaching for the feeding tube

(Props to Patrick)

Or

Final Countdown

Casey Kasem, who made more out of his ability to count than anyone this side of Sesame Street, has died at the age of 82. As the co-founder of the American Top 40 franchise and its spin-offs, Kasem helped limit pop music radioplay to the same songs day after day ad nauseum for almost 40 years. He also put his distinctive voice to good use in a variety of animated shows, including Norville “Shaggy” Rogers in Scooby-Doo cartoons and movies for 40 years, Robin in Super Friends, Meriadoc Brandybuck in The Return of the King, Alexander Cabot III, manager of Josie and the Pussycats, and, in his best live action role, the friend of lunatic scientist Bruce Dern in The Incredible 2-Headed Transplant. He served as the narrator for the pilot of Soap, but quit immediately thereafter because of the show’s adult themes. 

The Shaggy DOA

Or

The longest distance dedication

(Kudos to Shawn)

 

Or

Reaching for the stars just got a little easier

 

Or

Keeping his feet in the ground...

(More merit for Mark)

 

Or

Keep your feet on the ground, and keep reaching for the feeding tube

(Props to Patrick)

 

Or

Final Countdown

Casey Kasem, who made more out of his ability to count than anyone this side of Sesame Street, has died at the age of 82. As the co-founder of the American Top 40 franchise and its spin-offs, Kasem helped limit pop music radioplay to the same songs day after day ad nauseum for almost 40 years. He also put his distinctive voice to good use in a variety of animated shows, including Norville “Shaggy” Rogers in Scooby-Doo cartoons and movies for 40 years, Robin in Super Friends, Meriadoc Brandybuck in The Return of the King, Alexander Cabot III, manager of Josie and the Pussycats, and, in his best live action role, the friend of lunatic scientist Bruce Dern in The Incredible 2-Headed Transplant. He served as the narrator for the pilot of Soap, but quit immediately thereafter because of the show’s adult themes.

Noll Set

Or

Grounded Chuck

(Props to Mark)
Chuck Noll, the man who stuck football fans everywhere with that moron Terry Bradshaw by building an idiot-proof system en route to 4 Super Bowl wins as the head coach of the Pittsburgh Steelers, has died at the age of 82. In 1969, with Joe Paterno firmly committed as an enabler at Penn State, the woeful Steelers tapped the 1968 NFL Champion Baltimore Colts’ defensive coordinator as their next head coach. The team responded by losing 13 of 14 in his first year. The Steelers’ draft positions put the team in position to rebuild, and every year the Steelers’ draft was a preview of Induction Weekend at the Pro Football Hall of Fame, starting with Joe Greene as Noll’s first pick, and including Terry Bradshaw, Franco Harris, Jack Ham, and the unprecedented or repeated 1974 draft that produced 4 Hall of Famers: Lynn Swann, John Stallworth, Jack Lambert and Mike Webster. Despite his success and unmatched 4 Super Bowl titles, Noll didn’t win Coach of the Year honors until 1989 when he took a team that lost its first 2 games by a combined score of 92-10 to the playoffs, winning its first game. 

Noll Set

Or

Grounded Chuck

(Props to Mark)

Chuck Noll, the man who stuck football fans everywhere with that moron Terry Bradshaw by building an idiot-proof system en route to 4 Super Bowl wins as the head coach of the Pittsburgh Steelers, has died at the age of 82. In 1969, with Joe Paterno firmly committed as an enabler at Penn State, the woeful Steelers tapped the 1968 NFL Champion Baltimore Colts’ defensive coordinator as their next head coach. The team responded by losing 13 of 14 in his first year. The Steelers’ draft positions put the team in position to rebuild, and every year the Steelers’ draft was a preview of Induction Weekend at the Pro Football Hall of Fame, starting with Joe Greene as Noll’s first pick, and including Terry Bradshaw, Franco Harris, Jack Ham, and the unprecedented or repeated 1974 draft that produced 4 Hall of Famers: Lynn Swann, John Stallworth, Jack Lambert and Mike Webster. Despite his success and unmatched 4 Super Bowl titles, Noll didn’t win Coach of the Year honors until 1989 when he took a team that lost its first 2 games by a combined score of 92-10 to the playoffs, winning its first game.

Gereing Up for the Afterlife

Don Zimmer, the one Yankee Pedro Martinez was not referring to when he called them his daddy, has died of heart and kidney problems at the age of 83. Baseball’s version of Forrest Gump, Zimmer spent 66 years as a player, manager, coach and fixture, proudly boasting that he never cashed a paycheck not directly related to the game. He played with Jackie Robinson, was a member of the Brooklyn Dodgers when they finally reached next year with the 1955 World Series Championship, and helped expand the game to the West Coast as a member of the first Los Angeles Dodgers team three years later. He was an original member of the New York Mets in 1962, going 0-for-34 for the worst team in major league history before getting traded to Cincinnati. As a manager, he cost the San Diego Padres their first no-hitter by re-positioning players with 2 outs in the 9th, resulting in the game’s first hit; the Padres still await that elusive no-no. As the Red Sox third base coach, he almost blew Game 6 of the 1975 World Series when his “No, no, no,” was misheard as “Go, go, go,” and Denny Doyle got himself thrown out at the plate. Not satisfied, he blew a 14-game lead as manager of the 1978 Red Sox, then started a rookie pitcher rather than aces Bill Lee (the man who dubbed him Gerbil) or Luis Tiant in the 1-game playoff helping to cost them the division title. He won a surprise division title with the 1989 Chicago Cubs, earning Manager of the Year honors. He was a coach in the inaugural season of the Colorado Rockies in 1993, the first MLB expansion in 16 years. And in his third go-round as a coach with the New York Yankees, he was Joe Torre’s right-hand man for 4 World Series championships, filling in as manager when Torre was being treated for prostate cancer in 1999, the one year in 5 they didn’t win it all. In 2003, at the age of 72, during a shoving match in a Red Sox-Yankees playoff game, he took a run at Martinez, who threw him to the turf at Fenway Park to the delight of fans. In 2011, then coaching for the Tampa Bay Rays, he left the bench in the 6th inning of the last game of the season, as any good baseball man would be apt to do, and on his drive home, decided to turn around to say his goodbyes, arriving in time to see the Rays rally to win the game and make the playoffs. All of it almost never happened, as he was nearly killed in a 1953 minor league game when he was hit with a pitch, sustaining a fractured skull and spending two weeks in a coma. The incident helped push MLB to make batting helmets available, but Zimmer, a once-promising prospect, was reduced to role player status. Almost 50 years later, he was hit by a foul ball in the dugout of a game, prompting the Yankees to install protective fences, a move that was duplicated by most other teams.

Gereing Up for the Afterlife

Don Zimmer, the one Yankee Pedro Martinez was not referring to when he called them his daddy, has died of heart and kidney problems at the age of 83. Baseball’s version of Forrest Gump, Zimmer spent 66 years as a player, manager, coach and fixture, proudly boasting that he never cashed a paycheck not directly related to the game. He played with Jackie Robinson, was a member of the Brooklyn Dodgers when they finally reached next year with the 1955 World Series Championship, and helped expand the game to the West Coast as a member of the first Los Angeles Dodgers team three years later. He was an original member of the New York Mets in 1962, going 0-for-34 for the worst team in major league history before getting traded to Cincinnati. As a manager, he cost the San Diego Padres their first no-hitter by re-positioning players with 2 outs in the 9^th, resulting in the game’s first hit; the Padres still await that elusive no-no. As the Red Sox third base coach, he almost blew Game 6 of the 1975 World Series when his “No, no, no,” was misheard as “Go, go, go,” and Denny Doyle got himself thrown out at the plate. Not satisfied, he blew a 14-game lead as manager of the 1978 Red Sox, then started a rookie pitcher rather than aces Bill Lee (the man who dubbed him Gerbil) or Luis Tiant in the 1-game playoff helping to cost them the division title. He won a surprise division title with the 1989 Chicago Cubs, earning Manager of the Year honors. He was a coach in the inaugural season of the Colorado Rockies in 1993, the first MLB expansion in 16 years. And in his third go-round as a coach with the New York Yankees, he was Joe Torre’s right-hand man for 4 World Series championships, filling in for Torre as manager when he was being treated for prostate cancer in 1999, the one year in 5 they didn’t win it all. In 2003, at the age of 72, during a shoving match in a Red Sox-Yankees playoff game, he took a run at Martinez, who threw him to the turf at Fenway Park to the delight of fans. In 2011, then coaching for the Tampa Bay Rays, he left the bench in the 6^th inning of the last game of the season, as any good baseball man would be apt to do, and on his drive home, decided to turn around to say his goodbyes, arriving in time to see the Rays rally to win the game and make the playoffs. All of it almost never happened, as he was nearly killed in a 1953 minor league game when he was hit with a pitch, sustaining a fractured skull and spending two weeks in a coma. The incident helped push MLB to make batting helmets available, but Zimmer, a once-promising prospect, was reduced to role player status. Almost 50 years later, he was hit by a foul ball in the dugout of a game, prompting the Yankees to install protective fences, a move that was duplicated by most other teams.