Oh Mickey, You’re So Dead

Mickey Hargitay, former Mr. Universe and, thankfully, deliverer of driving lessons for daughter Mariska, has died at the age of 80. A former member of the WWII underground, the Hungarian strongman won the Mr. Universe title in 1955, earning him a gig in Mae West’s nightclub act. There, beefcake met cheesecake in the form of bouncy Jayne Mansfield, and the two wed in 1958, appearing together in such Oscar-ignored films as The Loves of Hercules. Hargitay’s range is better shown in Slaughter on Tenth Avenue and the finest dubbed Italian cinema. The marriage ended in divorce, but produced a daughter, Mariska, who overcame her familial shortcomings to earn an Emmy as Det. Olivia Benson on Law & Order: Special Victims Unit and, to the best of my knowledge, drive a car without decapitating anyone. Mariska dragged the old man out of a three-decade retirement to appear on L&O:SVU 3 years ago. Hargitay was a role model for another Eastern European bodybuilder-actor-ladies man: Arnold Schwarzeneggar, who played Hargitay in the 1980 TV movie: The Jayne Mansfield Story.

Stung

Death, Here is The Sting
Robert Earl Jones, prize fighter turned Luke Skywalker’s grandfather, sort of, has died at the age of 96 – something to keep in mind for anyone considering his son James Earl for a future list. Jones played Joe Louis in The Spirit of Youth, but his career was derailed when he refused to provide names to the House Un-American Activities Committee. He also appeared in a number of Broadway productions. Besides spreading his mellifluously sonorant seed, Robert Earl is best remembered as small-time con man Luther Coleman in The Sting, whose death by a vengeful Doyle Lonnegan prompted protégé Johnny Hooker’s revenge. Other films included Maniac Cop 2, Witness and Trading Spaces.

Two Pooligans expected Robert Earl to blow it like a pimp: Michelle's Dead and Deaderer takes 2nd and Monty’s Dead? No, Acting moves into 13th. Genius.

The new leaderboard:
1st Mike - Team One 3 hits, 60 points
2nd Michelle - Dead and Deaderer 3 hits, 34 points
3rd Me - 2005 Champion - International House of Death 3 hits, 31.6666667 points
4th Greg - Team Quincy 3 hits, 26.85714286 points
5th Craig - Seriously, Why Won't You Just Die? 3 hits, 19.52380956 points

Texas messed with...
(Kudos to Craig)

Or
She Died With a Silver Tumor in Her Throat
(Props to Mark)
Ann Richards, who loosed Idiot Menace George W. Bush on the world by doing a lousy job running Texas and a worse job campaigning for re-election thus allowing him to win his first public office, has died of esophageal cancer at the age of 73. Bill Dauterive is inconsolable. A plainspoken Texas housewife, Richards found a place on the national stage with her stinging keynote speech at the 1988 Democratic National Convention, highlighted by her rebuke of fellow Texan George Bush the Elder: “You have to forgive poor George. He was born with a silver foot in his mouth.” Her stirring oratory galvanized the party, helping Mike Dukakis to carry all of 10 states in the general election. Two years later she re-started the tradition of “recovering” drunk governors of Texas; four years after that she had to explain to supporters that she had lost the state to a turnip. Part of the reason was she underestimated the shoot ‘em up mentality of the Lone Gunman State, having vetoed a bill that would have allowed Texans to carry concealed weapons inside public establishments without the owners consent. Richards was not ignorant of her state’s ignorance. When asked what she would do as governor if the state legislature repealed the death penalty, she responded: “I would faint.”

Phil’s Dead – Long Live Phils’

Or
First round's on him...
(Additional accolades for Craig)
Pat Corley, best remembered as Phil, the most connected barkeep in Washington on Murphy Brown, has died of heart failure at the age of 76. Previous Corley roles included coroner Wally Nydorf on Hill Street Blues, the owner of the Bay City Blues in another Steven Bocchco joint and a creepy Texan on Night Court who gambles the future of a convent on beating Harry Stone at arm-wrestling, only to be undone by Christine Sullivan’s breasts.

Marshalled
(Cap tip to Monty)

Or
Can’t You Smell that Smell? The Smell of Death Surrounds You
If you have a y chromosome, stay away from Anna Nicole Smith. First her husband, admittedly a timely demise at 89, then her 67-year-old stepson of an aggressive infection and now her 20-year-old son Daniel Wayne of suspicious circumstances. Daniel Wayne was in the Bahamas as mom was taking advantage of the finest in Bahamanian neonatal care when he collapsed suddenly in a hospital room with Smith’s lawyer. The exact cause of death has not been announced pending the toxicology report and a second autopsy has been ordered. Hopefully this flurry of medical tests won’t include a paternity test for Anna Nicole’s latest progeny, who will certainly be a psychiatrist’s wet dream within 10 years. The autopsy was conducted by pathologist to the stars Cyril Wecht, who in addition to consulting on Elvis’ death and criticizing the government’s handling of the JFK autopsy has been indicted on corruption charges from his actions as Allegheny County Coroner, including that he stole fees, used coroner’s office staff for his own company business and that he traded unclaimed cadavers to a university for laboratory space for his private consulting firm.

Day? No. Da-a-ay? No.
And to clear up misconception from Pete Townsend, Doris Day isn’t dead at the age of 82. Townsend included Day in a song about dead celebrities including Elvis and Buddy Holly. Townsend hadn’t heard Day was still alive, but when he looked on line he found Day’s web site. In Townsend’s defense, most of the subjects of his web surfing were not born before 1990.

Crikey!

(An epitaphany shared by the first lady of the Dead Pool – a title she neither encourages nor accepts - Ali, Monty and Craig

Or
Throw Another Steve on the Barb
There’s a reason he stayed on land. Steve Irwin, the “Crocodile Hunter” of legend and song, was killed by a stingray off the Great Barrier Reef at the age of 44. He died as he lived – annoying the crap out of nature. Who knew stingrays watched Animal Planet? The stingray stuck its poison barbed tail directly into Irwin’s heart during filming of, fittingly enough, “Ocean’s Deadliest,” although this was just the 17th reported death by stingray in the last 10 years. The son of the founders of the Australian Zoo was a well respected animal handler and conservationist when the ‘80s-‘90s obsession with all things Australian that gave us Paul Hogan and Yahoo Serious made a TV star out of the heavily accented goofball who stuck his thumb up reptiles’ asses to see if they like it. Australia capitalized on Irwin’s popularity to promote tourism, and even offering his infant son up as crocodile chow didn’t put a dent in that. Amazingly for all the croc rassling, snake fondling and turtle humping, Irwin had largely avoided serious injury before getting stang.