Blonde Over Blue

Or
The Fucking Bell Tolls For Thee, You Pansy

Or
You’re my Corpse, Blue

Or
Dust in the Wind

Or
Blue Streak
(Props to Monty)
Patrick Cranshaw, the only man to co-star with both Claudette Colbert and Lindsay Lohan, has died at the age of 86. An exact cause of death was not released, but rest assured it was not as enjoyable as his fate in Old School as Joseph “Blue” Palasky. Prematurely decrepit, since 1970 Cranshaw’s resume has included TV appearances that showed his range, running the gamut from Codger to Grandpa to Old Gentleman and, most commonly, Old Man. Other highlighted roles included a bank teller in Bonnie and Clyde, the demolition derby owner in Herbie: Fully Loaded, Mel’s Diner regular Andy on Alice, lovably senile patient Bob Scannell on AfterMASH, Jennifer Coolidge’s J. Howard Marshall-esque husband in Best in Show and the world’s slowest wrapper in Moving. Cranshaw had been active on screen to the end, recently returning to Fort Worth after completing his work on the 2006 release Air Buddies, the long-awaited sequel to Air Bud: Spikes Back.

Monty’s Comedy of Terrors was the only one to get tangled up in Blue and takes 20 points to pull into a three-way tie for first. This marks the 4th death in December. In the last 4 years we had had a total of 2 December deaths.

With 5 hits, we have us a leaderboard
1st Matt - 1 hit, 20 points
(tie) Paul - Pushing Daisies - 1 hit , 20 points
(tie) Monty - Comedy of Terrors - 1 hit, 20 points
4th Me - Our Hearse Is a Very, Very, Very Fine Hearse - 1, 10 points
(tie) Mark - Beltway Boneyard III: Fillibustering the Grim Reaper - 1 hit, 10 points

Die, bold
(An epitaphany shared by Craig and Monty)
John Diebold, who spent 50 years singing the praises of the computer age, has died of a computer virus at the age of 79. In his book Automation, Diebold predicted that computers would change the day-to-day operations of businesses in all sectors of the American economy. In hindsight, “Well, duh,” but this was in 1952, when a computer weighted 5 tons, took up 3 rooms and required 57 punch cards and a week and a half to do long division. Diebold convinced such major American companies as A.T. & T., Boeing, Xerox and I.B.M. to focus on computerization, forcing whole industries to revamp their way of doing business. His consulting group developed a network to usher in the days of automatically updating banking records, freeing patrons to use any branch and another network streamlined Baylor University Hospital's accounting, inventory, payroll and purchasing. Not only was he ahead of his time, but he remains ahead of our time – he predicted by 2010 defensive technologies would render nuclear weapons powerless and human tissue farms would grow replacement organs, while AIDS and heart disease would all but disappear.

Time to Make the Funeral Arrangements
(Props to Monty)

Or
Vale-dictory Address
(More kudos for Monty)

Or
Time to make the dead-nuts...
(Honorifics to Craig)

Or
Pulling down the Vale
(Another hat tip to Craig)

Or
Dead: the Baker
(Just showing that I still work around here)
Fred the Baker, the Dunkin' Donuts baker for whom it was always "time to make the doughnuts, has died at the age of 83. Cause of death was diabetes, no doubt brought on by years of the inhalatory and osmotic effects of donut glaze and exacerbated by perpetual sleep deprivation. Fred’s portrayer Michael Vale had greater aspirations, having studied at the Dramatic Workshop in New York City with classmates Tony Curtis, Ben Gazzara and Rod Steiger. While he never matched their critical acclaim, his 1,300 commercials ensured that anyone born since 1983 was far more likely to pick him out of a lineup. The lessons he learned at the Dramatic Workshop never left him, and he was known as a demanding perfectionist on the set. One tirade directed at Herve Villechaize for missing his mark dropped the diminutive co-star into a deep depression that ended with his suicide.

Clasped by the Hands of Fate
William Bryan "Bill" Jennings Jr., one of the last links to the worst film ever made, has died at the age of 86. El Paso businessman Hal Warren said that anyone could make a movie, and proved it, turning out Manos: The Hands of Fate, about a family that gets lost and falls into the clutches of a cult devoted to the Master and aided by his giant kneed henchman Torgo. Warren relied heavily on family, friends and associates like Jennings, who had a small role as a policeman, to fill out the cast.

Taken for Granite
John Druze, the last of the famed Fordham offensive line of the 1930s has died at the age of 91. Now that Fordham is winning about 3 games a year against the likes of C.W. Post and Towson it’s hard to conceive of them once having been a national power, but the Seven Blocks of Granite brought the 1936 team to within one win of a Rose Bowl berth while the 1937 squad, captained by Druze, finished 7-0-1 with 5 shutouts and were ranked No. 3 in the nation. One of Druze’s Granite-mates was future Green Bay legend Vince Lombardi and the unit was coached by future Notre Dame legend Frank Leahy.

The Worst of Anything
Rona Jaffe, hack novelist, has died at 74. Taking the successful Peyton Place formula of sex and suppressed women into the suburbs, Jaffe had a best-seller in 1958 with The Best of Everything. Panned by critics, Eisenhower-era housewives ate up the tales of Stenographers Gone Mild, as Caroline, April, Barbara and Gregg fend off lecherous men, get knocked up, go nuts and run off to Vegas, not necessarily respectively, but like it really matters. Jaffe also slapped together a quickie novel in the late 1970s to cash in on newspaper reports of missing teens who had been playing Dungeons & Dragons. Rather than doing a little research to find out what made these kids turn and fearing getting beaten to the bank, she crafted a broad picture of role-playing gamers as mentally unstable occultists in Mazes and Monsters, best remembered as a CBS TV-movie where Tom Hanks honed his craft as a psychotic planning his suicide between dice rolls.

Catch a Tiger by the Toe Tag
Julian ‘Bud’ Blake, creator of the comic strip ‘Tiger,’ has died at the age of 87. Created in 1965 and based on Blake’s childhood experiences, the strip won awards by the National Cartoonists Society in 1970, 1978 and 2000 despite being amateurishly drawn with punchlines that hit with all the power of a wet cheese curl. Blake continued writing the tedious adventures of Tiger, his little brother Punkinhead, best friend Hugo, dog Stripe and lady friends Bonnie, Suzy and Julian were based on kids from Blake’s youth in Nutley, N.J. until he was 85, and it can still be found in more than 100 papers right next to Prince Valiant, Mother Goose and Grimm and Animal Crackers.

Chin, Alien, Frederickson, Collection, Beer Sin

Odd Man Out
(Props to Monty)

Or
Taking it on the Chin
(Monty strikes again)
Vincent ‘The Chin’ Gigante, head of the Genovese crime family who stayed out of jail for decades by wandering the streets of Greenwich Village in a ratty bathrobe as he feigned mental illness in an act that earned him the nickname The Oddfather, has turned estate’s evidence in a Missouri federal prison at the age of 77. “The last great Mafioso of the century,” whose 50-year career spanned the old-time “Mustache Petes” and the modern-day Mafia of Gotti, met his professional end with dignity, coming to his trial in a wheelchair muttering incoherently and wetting himself. In 2003, as part of a plea agreement, Gigante admitted he had spent more than 30 years deceiving the FBI with his crazy antics, which not only amounted to a confession to his status as head of one of the 5 families but made it easier to understand how the FBI was so unprepared for the attacks of September 11, 2001. Other highlights of his career include the failed whacking of then-boss Frank Costello, the time agents serving a subpoena found him naked in the shower holding an umbrella.

Over and Haut
Walter Haut, press information officer at Roswell Army Air Field on July 8, 1947, has been abducted by aliens who left a corpse in place to avoid suspicion. He is 83. On July 8, 1947, Haut issued the press release that prompted the Roswell Daily Record headline “RAAF Captures Flying Saucer on Ranch in Roswell Region.” Immediate clarifications that the object was actually a weather balloon have not stopped two generations of lunatics from coming the desert trying to find it.

Tomorrow Never Dies, but He Did

Or
Now That You're Dead, Could I Ask Beth Out?
(Kudos to Monty)

Or
Skeeved
(Honorifics to Monty)

Or
Cooked
(Would you say we have a plethora of Monty? Yes, el Guapo)
Vincent Schiavelli, one of Hollywood’s finest and creepiest looking character actors in such films as, fittingly, Ghost, has died of lung cancer at 57. He was one of Randall McMurphy’s fellow patients in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, taught the kids in Fast Times at Ridgemont High (where he played husband to Phil Spector target Lana Clarkson) and Better Off Dead, tried to kill James Bond and Teri Hatcher in Tomorrow Never Dies, played Salieri’s valet in Amadeus, tried to kill Teri Hatcher on MacGyver, played a Hustler sycophant in The People vs. Larry Flynt, wanted to kill Teri Hatcher after watching those awful Radio Shack commercials, married and divorced and then re-married Latka and Simka as Reverend Gorky in Taxi, and tried to kill Jack Black in the brilliant but never aired Heat Vision and Jack, which thankfully did not involve Teri Hatcher. Schiavelli also was a highly regarded cook, authoring three cookbooks and winning the 2001 James Beard Journalism Award.

Hamburger Halper
Barry Halper, New York Yankees limited partner and hoarder of history, has died of complications from diabetes at the age of 66. Among the museum-quality items that he hid away from public eyes were the contract finalizing Babe Ruth’s acquisition from the Boston Red Sox by the New York Yankees, the jersey Lou Gehrig wore in his farewell appearance at Yankee Stadium in 1939, the bat a dying Ruth leaned on in his final appearance at Yankee Stadium in 1948, along with 30,000 baseball cards, more than 3,000 signed baseballs, hundreds of autographed bats and more than 1,000 uniforms dating to the 1870's and hanging on a dry-cleaner's carousel at the home. A weeklong auction of his collection at Sotheby’s in 1999, brought in $21.8 million

Not Breathing! Grim Reaper’s Date!
Joseph Owades, the man who figured out the way to remove calories and taste from beer, has died at the age of 86. As a biochemist at then-industry Rheingold Breweries, Owades developed Gablinger’s Diet Beer. The company chose to market it with commercials showing fat men eating big meals and washing it down with a diet beer. Surprisingly this name and marketing campaign did not help light beer catch on, and it took John Madden bursting through walls for Miller Lite for the yellow water to catch a toehold. Owades also developed a clear malt beverage for women with an intended aroma similar to a pina colada that was derided as actually smelling like suntan lotion.

A Mucker and a Grinder

Spencer for Pyre

Or
The John Spencer Blues Expiration
(Props to Craig)
After a live episode and a White House wedding failed to pump up flagging ratings on The West Wing this year, NBC hypemeister John Wells, who had previously converted ER from a thoughtful drama to a disaster-a-week thrill ride including a tank and not one, but two helicopter accidents, may have gone too far. John Spencer, an original and still prominent star of The West Wing, died of a heart attack Friday at the age of 58. “John was the consummate professional,” Wells said. “He made sure we had enough tape in the can to get us through January, and enough time to write a kick-ass, but moving, tribute episode for February sweeps.” Spencer’s character Leo McGarry ironically survived a heart attack last season as White House chief of staff, and as a vice presidential candidate, had jokingly asked if Democrat colleagues trying to get him to take over as campaign manager were trying to kill him in the last episode to air before his death. McGarry brought a wise, steady hand, gruff demeanor and wry sense of humor to the White House as one of the most popular characters on the show. Like his character, Spencer was a driven recovering alcoholic, and he was nominated for an Emmy in each of the show’s first five seasons, winning once. Spencer had previously appeared as Tommy Mullaney in the post-shark jump L.A. Law years, as a vindictive federal agent in The Rock, as arrogant NBA ref Jack in Forget Paris, the skittish airman in the missile silo in the opening scene of WarGames and in his first acting role, Henry Anderson, boyfriend to British cousin Cathy Lane on The Patty Duke Show.

NBC has not discussed how the death of the vice presidential candidate will affect the storyline for the rest of the season, and there isn’t much in terms of historical precedent. In 1912, James S. Sherman, sitting vice president to William Howard Taft, died 6 days before the election, but still received 4 million votes in the election. In 1972, Thomas Eagleton was the original vice presidential candidate, but was forced to withdraw his nomination after it was revealed he had undergone electroshock treatments for depression.

And They Couldn't Stop Jack From Being Wormy
(Joe Wright)
Jack Anderson, the last of the muckrakers who spent a lifetime afflicting the comfortable, has died at the age of 83. Hired to work for legendary newspaperman Drew Pearson in 1947, Anderson took over the column after Pearson’s death in 1969. Two years later, he won a Pulitzer for his investigative reporting on secret American foreign policy-making that suggested the U.S. favored Pakistan in its war with India. Other highlights included breaking open the Reagan Administration plan to sell arms to Iran as a means to fund the Contras in Central America and the Justice Department’s decision to settle an antitrust suit with ITT in exchange for a pledge to spend $400,000 to underwrite the 1972 Republican convention. Along the way, Anderson didn’t make a lot of friends, and ended up on the official Nixon enemies list, prompting G. Gordon Liddy and others to contemplate poisoning his medicine as a means to silence him. FBI chief J. Edgar Hoover also didn’t appreciate the fact that Anderson was more aware of the threat of organized crime than he and his G-Men, and called him "lower than the regurgitated filth of vultures." The powerful Hoover kept Anderson’s home under surveillance, leading Anderson to send his 9 children out to take pictures of them in their “undercover” car, and, for good measure, let the air out of their tires.

Dairy of a Madison Back Room Man

Former Wisconsin Senator William Proxmire has answered the ethereal quorum call at the age of 90. Wisconsin’s junior Senate seat took a 90° turn to the left in 1957 when Proxmire won a special election to replace the late Communist-chasing Joseph McCarthy and kicked off a 32-year career of battling governmental waste. In 1975, Proxmire started handing his monthly Golden Fleece, recognizing moronic research programs, like one that spent $84,000 trying to determine why people fall in love or one that spent millions trying to determine if drunk fish were more aggressive than sober fish, questionable use of defense spending, like the $6,000, 17-page document commissioned by the U.S. Army to explain how to buy a bottle of Worcestershire sauce, and governmental projects like the $20,000 used to build an 800-foot limestone replica of the Great Wall of China in Bedford, Indiana. Long before John McCain and Russ Feingold had tackled campaign finance reform, Proxmire had stopped accepting campaign contributions, winning 64% of the vote in his last election in 1982 despite spending $145.10 on his campaign. He was as dedicated to physical fitness as he was to fiscal prudence, running several miles to his office each morning as he emerged as the Cal Ripken of the Senate, logging a record 10,252 consecutive roll call votes from 1966 to 1988. Other successes included campaigning against federal funding for the supersonic transport jet, allowing the French to lose millions all by themselves and an ultimately successful 20-year campaign to get the Senate to sign the UN resolution condemning genocide that arose from the Holocaust. On the downside, his sanctimonious, priggish approach won him few friends, limiting his influence and thwarting his presidential aspirations, one of his Golden Fleece awards got him sued for libel and the shallow bastard earned headlines for his facelift and two hair implant procedures.

Mark’s Beltway Boneyard III: Filibustering the Grim Reaper won his two-year Proxy fight while my Our Hearse is a Very, Very, Very Fine Hearse tags along to tie for third with 1 hit and 10 points.

Elsewhere…
Don’t Tell Mom, The B-Movie Producer’s Dead
(Props to Monty)
Robert Newmyer, producer of movies for the undiscerning viewer has died of a heart attack while exercising at the age of 49. Newmyer had recently mortgaged his two homes to raise money to film Phat Girlz, starring MoNique, so his was truly a merciful God. After a strong debut with sex, lies and videotape, Newmyer started watching a little too much ABCC Family and started turning out such direct to embarrassment films as Dennis the Menace Strikes Again, The Santa Clause, The Santa Clause 2 (and The Santa Clause 3 is in production), Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead and the film the killed John Candy, Wagons East.

A Liberal Helping of Comedy

Entombing McCarthy
(Mark offers his REMoriam)

Or
Get the Closets Cleaned Out for Gene
(Mark on the assist, me on whatever you think of the headline)

Or
The Rise and Fall of Postwar American Liberalism
(Props to our resident historian, Craig, who doesn’t think you’ve read the McCarthy bio)

Or
Parting Shots from His Brittle Brow
(Further kudos to Mr. Barker, apparently revising his lesson plan for Monday)

Or
The Gentleman from Minnesota Will Yield
(Stolen from stiffs.com)
Eugene McCarthy, the last liberal to accomplish anything in Washington, has died at the age of 89 from complications due to Parkinson’s disease, and not, as one would have expected, from a bleeding heart. The dry-witted Minnesota senator fractured the Democratic party – not that that’s difficult – when he challenged President Lyndon Johnson in the 1968 Democratic primary almost exclusively on an antiwar agenda. Rather than face the embarrassment of losing in a primary, Johnson gave up his re-election campaign. With its standard bearer out, Robert Kennedy soon assassinated, the convention highlighted by tear gas and public beatings, the Democratic Party didn’t exactly rally around McCarthy’s prediction of being an “adequate” president and the Republicans would call the White House home for 28 of the next 40 years, including the 8 years of Ronald Reagan, who McCarthy endorsed over Jimmy Carter. Forever the arrogant self-appointed outcast, McCarthy would run again in 1972 and 1988, but the rest of the party found ways to muck up presidential campaigns all on their own. One can only wonder how the last half of the 20th century would have played out if the former first baseman of the Watkins Clippers of the Great Soo League had just learned how to hit a damn curveball.

Rookie Matthew notches the first hit of the year and James notches the first forehead slap of the year, having given up, like many others did, after his first taste of McCarthy in 2004.

Jo Jo Dancer, Your Life is Over
(An epitaphany shared with Joe)

Or
Richard Pryor: I Ain't Dead Yet, #*%$#@!!... oh, wait

Or
Jo-Jo Dancer, your life is calling collect... What do you mean you won't accept the charges?
(Kudos to Mark)

Or
Richard Prior
(Pilfered from deathlist.net)

Or
His flame, finally, has gone out
(“Borrowed” from stiffs.com)
Richard Pryor, the Stephen Hawking of stand-up, has died of a heart attack at the age of 65. Pryor was one of the first to elevate stand-up comedy to social commentary, to mix raunch with biting satire, to combine cocaine with uncontrolled temperatures. In doing so, he forever changed the face of comedy, influenced a generation of comedians and nearly died from burns over 50% of his body. Pryor introduced a mainstream (read white) to the language and anger of the ghetto, challenging stereotypes with his belligerent irreverence and earning a reputation as the best comic in America – he received the Mark Twain Award in 1999 and was named the greatest stand-up comic of all time in 2004. While in command on stage, Pryor’s personal life was a disaster – married 7 times to 5 women whose tolerance for his womanizing and drug abuse varied from time to time – and in 1986 he disclosed he had been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, which started a nearly two-decade health decline. His controversial reputation cost him what could have been his best role – Bart in Blazing Saddles – and his style never really translated to the big screen, except as the Balloon Salesman in The Muppet Movie.

Paul’s Pushing Daisies aren’t in Critical Condition, joining Matt atop the standings. Unfortunately, Joy’s triumphant return did not include this one after listing him in 2002 and 2004.

And the rest of a busy week…

Archived
(Props to Monty)
Howard Gotlieb, Boston University and general nuisance, has died of complications from surgery at the age of 79. Since 1963, Gotlieb flattered, cajoled, stalked, groveled, charmed, hounded and persuaded princes and poets, actors and authors, singers and signatories, journalists and jesters to secure more than 7 miles of shelves of materials that paint the picture of 20th and 21st century American pop culture. Recognizing from the start that he lacked the financial resources to secure the valuable collections of famous authors, Gotlieb dedicated himself to being the first to identify up-and-coming talent. Among his discoveries: James Clavell after his first book and David Halberstram 4 years before his Pulitzer. Before he had marched to Selma, Boston University’s Martin Luther King, Jr., had donated his collection, and before he had made up his first news story, a 32-year-old reporter named Dan Rather started sending notes, ultimately working up to a box of material a month. Among the other treasures in what is now the Howard Gotlieb Archival Research Center are a pair of Fred Astaire’s dance shoes, Groucho Marx's jokes, George Bernard Shaw's scribbled instructions, everything in Bette Davis’ collection after she tired of a decade of Gotlieb’s persistence and Peter Benchley's notes for a book he first titled "Great White," known today as "Jaws." Other universities have since joined the game and some have surpassed Boston University, but none can boast such an eclectic clinic that was the vision of one remarkable personality.

You Wouldn’t Like Him When He’s Smelly
Jack Colvin, the world’s worst reporter who spent 3 years traveling the country and couldn’t find a 7-foot green monster with a preternatural need to solve the problems of the downtrodden, has died at the age of 71. Best known as Jack McGee, the prototypical tabloid weasel, he also played Andy’s doctor who is electrocuted by Chucky in Child’s Play and was a member of Hawk’s gang in Rooster Cogburn.

Strock, as in Schlock
Herbert L. Strock, whose works are a staple of B-movie festivals around the country, has died at the age of 87. Highlights of his four decades in Hollywood include "I Was a Teenage Frankenstein," "How to Make a Monste," "The Crawling Hand," "Blood of Dracula," "Gog," "The Magnetic Monster," "Donovan's Brain," and “Monster, the Legend That Became a Terror.”

Sawed Off
Gregg Hoffman, who developed an eight-minute film into the horror hit "Saw" and its gory successor "Saw II," died unexpectedly after complaining of pain at the age of 42. The movies center around a sadistic serial killer called Jigsaw who devises intricate games to get his kidnapped victims to kill each other. The inspiration for the films came largely from his experience as producer in the Disney family flick "George of the Jungle."

Bringing Down the Steel Curtain

Or
Steel Curtains
(Cap tips and sympathies to Steelers fan Joe)

The Rest of Carson
(More from Joe, laughing through the tears)
Bud Carson, one of the finest defensive minds in NFL history, has died at the age of 75. The architect of the famed Steel Curtain defense in Pittsburgh, relying on the Hall of Fame talents of Jack Ham, Jack Lambert and Mean Joe Greene, Carson won two titles and laid the groundwork for two more. He also built the defense of the 1991 Philadelphia Eagles, one of only five squads to lead the NFL in fewest rushing, fewest passing and fewest overall yards allowed in the same season. He won another Super Bowl as the defensive coordinator for the 2000 St. Louis Rams.

Lie-ins and Tireds and Bears, Oh My

Berenstain Despair
(Courtesy of Monty)
Or

Although there may some who just couldn't care,
It's a sad, sad day for dear father Bere.
His readers will continue to read all the lore
While his wife takes care of the Stain on the floor.
(Also props to Monty)

Or
The Berenstain Bears and Metastasis
In a scene reminiscent of Werner Herzog’s Grizzly Man, Stan Berenstain, beloved children’s book author, was mauled and eaten by his creations, the Berenstain Bears, at the age of 82. Stan and his wife Jan were artists before Theodor Geisel, Dr. Seuss himself, approached them about developing a book on their own. After a few missteps, The Big Honey Hunt was released in 1962. The books helped kids cope with the drudgery of every day life, extolling virtue, as in The Berenstain Bears and Don’t Touch That, and punishing vice, as in The Berenstain Bears and the Citizen’s Arrest. But with more than 200 books about Mama, Papa, Sister, Brother and Baby Bear, they aren’t all going to be winners, and the later titles reflect the stagnation of the series, as in The Berenstain Bears Collect Royalties and The Berenstain Bears Phone it In.

Two fewer bosoms, one less buddy
(Mortification to Monty)

Or
Sometimes your Bosom Isn’t Your Buddy
(Shame to Shawn)

Or
Her Bosom Was No Buddy
(My Word to Mark)

Bosom Betrayers
(I couldn’t let them have all the fun)
Wendy Jo Sperber, best known as Amy from Bosom Buddies, has died at the age of 46, losing her 8-year battle with cancer, leaving Peter Scolari as the winner of “I Used to Know Tom Hanks and Now I Live in a Van Down by the River” Sweepstakes. Sperber also played Marty McFly’s sister in all three Back to the Future movies, chased Treat Williams in 1941, spoiled Tom Hanks’ Bachelor Party and did time in the slammer in Women in Prison.

Diamonds are Forever, but He’s Not
Marc Lawrence, the pock-faced, menacing villain in seven decades worth of movies, has died at the age of 95. He’s probably best remembered for throwing Plenty O’Toole off James Bond’s high-rise hotel balcony in Diamonds are Forever. When complimented on depositing her in the pool, Lawrence coolly replied “I didn’t know it was a pool down there.” Other memorable roles included being one of Edward G. Robinson’s gangmates in Key Largo and Scaramanga’s dueling partner in the opening sequence of The Man with the Golden Gun. Despite a career sidelined by the Hollywood blacklist in the 1950s, Lawrence made more than 175 movies, many as a leading man in Europe.

Power Outage
Vic Power, one of the first Latin stars in major league baseball, has died of cancer at the age of 78. A colorful player, he was regarded as a hot dog for his sweeping one-handed catches that snapped the ball out of the air and exaggerated way of leaping into throws, but he won 7 Gold Gloves in a career that saw time with the Philadelphia Athletics, Kansas City Athletics, Philadelphia Phillies, Minnesota Twins, Los Angeles Angels and Cleveland Indians and was highlighted by 4 All-Star Game appearances. He is also the last man to steal home twice in the same game, scoring the tying and winning runs in a 1958 Indians-Tigers tilt.

Sonny Set
Macon McCalman, a long time character actor who played the abstaining member of the Grady, South Carolina Town Council in Doc Hollywood, has died at the age of 72. He also played Deputy Queen in Deliverance, was the prosecutor in Fried Green Tomatoes and appeared in dozens of television sitcoms and dramas, including the episode of Dallas where Pam tells Bobby that she’s pregnant then drives into a tanker truck.

Concannon Fodder
Former Boston College star and Philadelphia Eagle benchwarmer Jack Concannon has died at the age of 62. Never able to duplicate his college success, Concannon became a cult hero in Philadelphia among fans pissed that the Eagles had traded Sonny Jurgensen for Norm Snead. While his name echoed in nearly empty Franklin Field as Snead’s teams struggled, Concannon started just three times for the Eagles, winning all three. In a story indicative of those frustrating seasons, indecisive head coach Joe Kuharich decided that the starter for the last game of the 1966 season would be determined by the length of the return on the opening kick-off. King Hill would start if the return was inside the 20, Snead would start if the return was between the 20 and the 30 and Concannon if the return was at the 30 or beyond. A careful spot gave Concannon the start, and he led the Eagles to their 9th win of the season, good enough for second place in the NFL East and the Playoff Bowl. After the season, Concannon was traded for Mike Ditka, then bounced to the Chicago Bears, Detroit Lions and Green Bay Packers, finishing with 36 TDs and 63 interceptions.

Champion and New Challenges

Sorry for the delay in the announcements. A late death screwed up a list, so we had to go into injury time. Plus, my shoulder is a little sore from all the twisting to pat myself on the back.

What a year – with 32 hits, not only did we crush the previous record (19), but we had 10 lists that would have beaten last year’s winner.

Results are unofficial as we wait a few days to see if any one notices that Brooke Astor failed to show up for her high colonic, although she’s worth a billion dollars, so I’m pretty sure there’s someone on staff who holds a mirror under her nose every 15 minutes just to check. And so, as the 2005 George Harrison Invitational Dead Pool draws to a close, please join me in praise of…. me. After 4 years of running this thing, I finally get my lap in the winner’s circle, without the embarrassing fence-climbing or milk showers.

A few prepared remarks… I’d like to thank Eddie Albert, Al Lopez, Johnny Oates, Pope John Paul II, Rosa Parks, Barbara Bel Geddes and Hank Stram, without whom none of this would have been possible. I regret that they had but 7 lives to give for my candidacy. I’d like to thank my worthy competitors for not being as good as me. When I left my humble village 14 years ago to come to this country, I dreamt of a day when I could run a semi-morbid contest among friends, and not only has that dream come true, but today I’m king of the underworld. Now that I am champion, I demand a banquet with the finest meats and cheeses in all the land. I am a golden god. You will bow down before me, son of Jor-El.

And now, here’s a look back at the year that was and at those who aren’t anymore, with mad (and legitimate this time) thanks to Karen Siugzda for her technical assistance. The 2006 kick off will follow momentarily.

And right back onto the horse to try to defend my 2005 George Harrison Invitational Dead Pool crown, we’re off for the 5th Annual GHIDP. I expect big things after last year’s 32 hits. We are up to 49 entries this year, with 227 potential coffin dwellers, a new high. And that doesn’t count the 3 people who were already dead but were submitted anyway. I’ll spare the offenders public disclosure, but one offender actually scored points last year for 2 of them and the other died in 1990.

A sneak preview – in 3 out of the first 4 years, the most picked potential daisy-pusher-upper has died, doling out scant points to a large number of contestants. This year that honor goes to…. Lady Bird Johnson, with 15, ediging out Brooke Astor’s 14. Start preparing your headlines. The Widow Johnson also ties Pope JPII with the most overall selections.

As Mark Coen predicted when he emerged from the spider hole of history, W. Mark Felt, aka Mr. Deep Throat, is our Rookie of the Year, landing on 8 lists after never having been picked before. Charles Lane was a close second with 7, so I guess I’m not the only one who watched the 2005 TV Land Awards.

The new and improved spreadsheet has the entries (1), a breakdown of how many times peeps were picked so you don’t have to do the math to see how many points Al “Grampa” Lewis is worth (2.85714286) (2), headlines (3), the all-time targets, to track tends (4), the reapers so you can track your own success – active names in bold (5), average top finish – yes, we’re all technically first, but I didn’t want the 6 newbies to get too full of themselves (6), and past year’s final results and headlines. The early years are a little spotty as my neuroses had yet to fully take hold.

I’ll see many of you and/or your designated representatives in the next couple weeks. Otherwise, let’s see the cash.