Chin, Alien, Frederickson, Collection, Beer Sin

Odd Man Out
(Props to Monty)

Or
Taking it on the Chin
(Monty strikes again)
Vincent ‘The Chin’ Gigante, head of the Genovese crime family who stayed out of jail for decades by wandering the streets of Greenwich Village in a ratty bathrobe as he feigned mental illness in an act that earned him the nickname The Oddfather, has turned estate’s evidence in a Missouri federal prison at the age of 77. “The last great Mafioso of the century,” whose 50-year career spanned the old-time “Mustache Petes” and the modern-day Mafia of Gotti, met his professional end with dignity, coming to his trial in a wheelchair muttering incoherently and wetting himself. In 2003, as part of a plea agreement, Gigante admitted he had spent more than 30 years deceiving the FBI with his crazy antics, which not only amounted to a confession to his status as head of one of the 5 families but made it easier to understand how the FBI was so unprepared for the attacks of September 11, 2001. Other highlights of his career include the failed whacking of then-boss Frank Costello, the time agents serving a subpoena found him naked in the shower holding an umbrella.

Over and Haut
Walter Haut, press information officer at Roswell Army Air Field on July 8, 1947, has been abducted by aliens who left a corpse in place to avoid suspicion. He is 83. On July 8, 1947, Haut issued the press release that prompted the Roswell Daily Record headline “RAAF Captures Flying Saucer on Ranch in Roswell Region.” Immediate clarifications that the object was actually a weather balloon have not stopped two generations of lunatics from coming the desert trying to find it.

Tomorrow Never Dies, but He Did

Or
Now That You're Dead, Could I Ask Beth Out?
(Kudos to Monty)

Or
Skeeved
(Honorifics to Monty)

Or
Cooked
(Would you say we have a plethora of Monty? Yes, el Guapo)
Vincent Schiavelli, one of Hollywood’s finest and creepiest looking character actors in such films as, fittingly, Ghost, has died of lung cancer at 57. He was one of Randall McMurphy’s fellow patients in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, taught the kids in Fast Times at Ridgemont High (where he played husband to Phil Spector target Lana Clarkson) and Better Off Dead, tried to kill James Bond and Teri Hatcher in Tomorrow Never Dies, played Salieri’s valet in Amadeus, tried to kill Teri Hatcher on MacGyver, played a Hustler sycophant in The People vs. Larry Flynt, wanted to kill Teri Hatcher after watching those awful Radio Shack commercials, married and divorced and then re-married Latka and Simka as Reverend Gorky in Taxi, and tried to kill Jack Black in the brilliant but never aired Heat Vision and Jack, which thankfully did not involve Teri Hatcher. Schiavelli also was a highly regarded cook, authoring three cookbooks and winning the 2001 James Beard Journalism Award.

Hamburger Halper
Barry Halper, New York Yankees limited partner and hoarder of history, has died of complications from diabetes at the age of 66. Among the museum-quality items that he hid away from public eyes were the contract finalizing Babe Ruth’s acquisition from the Boston Red Sox by the New York Yankees, the jersey Lou Gehrig wore in his farewell appearance at Yankee Stadium in 1939, the bat a dying Ruth leaned on in his final appearance at Yankee Stadium in 1948, along with 30,000 baseball cards, more than 3,000 signed baseballs, hundreds of autographed bats and more than 1,000 uniforms dating to the 1870's and hanging on a dry-cleaner's carousel at the home. A weeklong auction of his collection at Sotheby’s in 1999, brought in $21.8 million

Not Breathing! Grim Reaper’s Date!
Joseph Owades, the man who figured out the way to remove calories and taste from beer, has died at the age of 86. As a biochemist at then-industry Rheingold Breweries, Owades developed Gablinger’s Diet Beer. The company chose to market it with commercials showing fat men eating big meals and washing it down with a diet beer. Surprisingly this name and marketing campaign did not help light beer catch on, and it took John Madden bursting through walls for Miller Lite for the yellow water to catch a toehold. Owades also developed a clear malt beverage for women with an intended aroma similar to a pina colada that was derided as actually smelling like suntan lotion.