Puppy Ciao

Paul Iams, who wormed his way into the pet food aisle with a line of premium pet products from the company that still bears his name, has died at the age of 89. Technically Iams Food Company is now only a division of Procter & Gamble, but why kibble? Iams got a rawhide deal early in his career, trying to earn a living as a traveling dog food salesman, a rover, if you will, during the Depression, before learning more about pet nutrition, and founded his own company in 1948. Iams ran the company until he sold out to his partner in 1982, fetching a pretty penny.

SALTed Away

Or
Ice Cold Warrior
Paul Nitze, whose unprecedented influence for a sub-Cabinet official earned him the reputation as the unofficial father of the Cold War, has died at the age of 97. As any doting father, he did all he could to foster the development of his offspring, and answered the Cold War by trying to outspend the Soviet Union, thus lining the pockets of the military industry complex in the U.S. and sentencing thousands of Russians to starvation. A former carpooler of Alger Hiss’, Nitze followed George Kennan as director of the State Department’s policy-planning staff in 1950 and encouraged 8 presidents to commit to a hard-line approach in dealing with the Soviets that only took nearly 40 years to come to fruition. He drafted National Security Council Memorandum No. 68, which effectively laid out U.S. policy toward the Soviet Union for the next four decades, leading some to call it “the blueprint of the Cold War.” He later advised President Kennedy during the Cuban Missile Crisis, helped negotiate the SALT I treaty, then derailed the SALT II treaty out of bitterness at having been left out of the Carter Administration, and helped remove medium-range missiles from Europe in the 1980s. Not bad for a man who once scored a 0 on a final exam at Harvard in history. Nitze’s accomplishments outside the Beltway were equally impressive. He was a millionaire stock broker by the age of 30 despite the Depression, was at one time one of the largest individual stockholders of 20th Century Fox, and was one of the founders of the Aspen ski resort. But it was his Cold War mentality for which he will be remembered. In 1985, Nitze was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom by the man who was the beneficiary of the sands through the hourglass approach to the Cold War. A battleship was named in his honor last year, a fitting tribute to a man referred to by John Kenneth Galbraith as “a Teutonic martinet happiest in a military hierarchy.” Prof. Barker can answer any other questions you make have about Nitze’s lasting influence.

Man of Still

Actor, activist and political pawn Christopher Reeve has died of complications related to his paralysis at the age of 52. Plucked out of obscurity from the soap opera Love of Life, Reeve proved an ideal choice in the film version of Superman, beating out Paul Newman, Robert Redford, Charles Bronson, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Clint Eastwood, James Caan and Kris Kristofferson, and try imagining the movie with any of them in the cape. Although trained at Julliard where he was a classmate of Robin Williams, who remained a lifelong friend, he was forever saddled with the typecasting as the cape-man. Course, he really should have used that reversing the rotation of the earth trick to go back and skip at least two of the less than Super-sequels and Monsignor and reconsider turning down such films as American Gigolo, Running Man, The Bounty, Body Heat and Total Recall - and try imagining any of those films with him as the star. Reeve was paralyzed in an equestrian accident and after overcoming early thoughts of suicide, resumed acting, including counseling a young Clark Kent on Smallville, and brought unbridled enthusiasm to his role as an ardent activist for research funding for a cure for spinal cord injuries, and would likely be alive today if George W. Bush hadn’t cut off embryonic stem cell research. (This obituary was approved by moveon.org) Reeve is the latest man to fall victim to the Superman curse, and I’m not talking about The Quest for Peace, following George Reeves’ suicide/murder, Bud Collyer’s heart attack and Dean Cain’s appearance in Gentle Ben 2.

Cam Shafted

Ken Caminiti, the former San Diego Padre, Houston Astro, Texas Ranger and Atlanta Brave who ‘roided his way to the 1996 National League MVP, died of a heart attack at 41. From his first series in the majors against the Phillies when he led the Astros to a sweep while smacking line drives all over the yard, Caminiti blended a unique combination of defense and power. Off the field, he was less controlled, and in addition to the steroids, Caminiti had troubles with alcohol and cocaine.

Run his Course

Or

Mara-Gone

Johnny Kelley, a Boston institution who ruined 61 perfectly lovely April mornings in New England and ran more miles after the age of 80 than I plan on completing in my entire life, died last week at the age of 97. Kelley started in 61 Boston Marathons, completing 58, both records, winning twice, in 1935 and 1945, making him the last man to win who wasn’t born in Kenya. He finished in the top 10 a total of 18 times, including a record 7 second-place finishes. A former Olympian and member of the USA Track & Field, National Distance Running and Road Runners Club of America halls of fame, Kelley was declared the Runner of the Century by Runner’s World magazine. Among the highlights of Kelley’s runs to glory was the coining of the term "Heartbreak Hill" when he thought race leader Ellison "Tarzan" Brown had exhausted himself by the last of the four Newton hills and patted him on the back while taking the lead. Incensed by this gesture, Brown soon regained the lead and became the eventual champion. Kelley, heartbroken, faded to fifth. In 1957, he surprised everyone by placing ninth in 2:52:12 at age 50. He continued to race at Boston until 1968, when he did not start, and again through 1992, when at 84 he started his 61st and final Boston Marathon. He finished in 5:58:00. In 1993, the statue "Young at Heart" was dedicated in honor of Kelley at the base of the third hill in Newton. The statue depicts a 27-year-old Kelley winning in 1935 and clasping hands with an older Kelley finishing in 1991 at 83. Since 1995, Kelley had served as the grand marshal of the Boston Marathon, preceding the runners in a pace vehicle.

He don't get no respirations

Rodney Dangerfield, the last of the great one-flat-liner comedians, has found death’s sting at the age of 82. When he was born on Long Island in 1921, he was so ugly, the doctor slapped his mother. He had an unusual upbringing, with such bath toys as a toaster and a radio. His parents divorced when he was a child, and in the custody hearing, neither parent showed up. Just not the same without the bug eyes, red tie and too-tight collar, is it? Although he didn’t begin his comic career until age 42, Dangerfield was a force to be reckoned with on the stand-up circuit, layering self-deprecating humor to establish himself as the world’s most put-upon Everyman. He dabbled in movies, most successfully in Caddyshack and Back to School, most unfortunately in Ladybugs and Meet Wally Sparks. But the lasting image for most is of Dangerfield on the stage offering a highlight reel of his stand-up material - he made 70 appearances on the Tonight Show, made the famously stoic Ed Sullivan laugh while on his variety show and sealed his place with performances in the early years of Saturday Night Live. Dangerfield also helped establish the careers of such stand-ups as Jerry Seinfeld, Tim Allen, Jim Carrey, Roseanne and Sam Kinison at his New York comedy club. In 1995, Dangerfield applied for membership with the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences and was rejected. The rejection letter from Roddy McDowall - and can you imagine a more disparate pairing - said that Dangerfield had failed to execute "enough of the kinds of roles that allow a performer to demonstrate the mastery of his craft." Dangerfield published the letter on his website, and public outcry eventually forced the Academy to change its position and offer Dangerfield membership. He declined.

Without pretense of out Rodney-ing Rodney, a partial list of his one-liners is offered below. If you’re really lucky, Monty will offer his comedic readings.

"I never got girls when I was a kid. One girl told me, 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. There was nobody home."

"When I was three years old, my parents got a dog. I was jealous of the dog, so they got rid of me."

"When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's."

"With my wife, I don't get no respect. The other night there was a knock on the front door. My wife told me to hide in the closet."

"I loaned a guy $10,000 to get plastic surgery. Now I can't find him. I don't know what he looks like."

"I told my landlord I want to live in a more expensive apartment. He raised my rent."

"With my wife, I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it."

"Its lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom."

"My wife was afraid of the dark, saw me naked, now she's afraid of the light!"

"I feel sorry for short people, you know. When it rains, they're the last to know."

“I was so poor growing up. If I wasn't a boy, I'd have had nothing to play with.”

“During sex, my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.”

“It's been a rough day. I got up this morning put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.”

“I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox; the cat kept covering me up.”

“I'm so ugly. My father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.”

“Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, ‘Do you think we'll ever find them?’ He said, ‘I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide.’”

“I'm so ugly. I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get.”

“I went to see my doctor. ‘Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror. I feel like throwing up; what's wrong with me?’ He said ‘I don't know but your eyesight is perfect.’”

“With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, ‘How can I get my kite in the air?’ He told me to run off a cliff.”

“My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair.”

“One day as I came home early from work... I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy... ‘Hey buddy, why are you doing that?’ He said, ‘Because you came home early.’”

“I was such an ugly baby... My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.”

“I'm so ugly... My mother had morning sickness... AFTER I was born.”

“I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.”

“My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.”

“I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.”

From Caddyshack:
“Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.”

“Oh, this is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. What, when you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh? Oh, it looks good on you though.”

“Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must've been something before electricity.”

From Back to School:
"I wouldn't mess with Lou; he's the first member of his family to walk upright. "

And his final quip, regarding his latest surgery: "If things go right, I'll be there about a week, and if things don't go right, I'll be there about an hour and a half."

DNA DNR

James Watson secured his status as the last living discoverer of DNA as Maurice Wilkins’ deoxyribonucleic acid stopped replicating this week at the age of 87. Wilkins’ death comes less than 3 months after Francis Crick’s adenine, guanine, cytosine and uricil entered a permanent downward spiral. Wilkins was the Shemp to Crick and Watson’s Moe and Larry, the Fredo to their Sonny and Michael. In the cutthroat world of post World War II British science, Wilkins’ efforts to unravel DNA were usurped by two competing teams of rogue biologists. Still, he produced the first photo of the helical structure of DNA and for that shared the 1962 Nobel Prize.

Mercury Falling

Gordon Cooper, one of the original Mercury 7 astronauts whose exploits in blazing the trail to the moon were captured in The Right Stuff, has died at the age of 77. Cooper, the youngest and by most accounts cockiest member of the group, piloted the last of the Mercury missions, the last solo flight by an American in space, and the first which featured a broadcast back to Earth. As with many steps in the fledgling program, the Mercury flight was a harrowing one, as the system designed to control the descent failed, and Cooper had to make a manual descent, still nailing the landing target near the waiting aircraft carrier. Two years later in Gemini 5, he became the first man to return to space as he and Charles Conrad set a space endurance record by traveling 3.3 million miles in 190 hours, 56 minutes. That flight was pivotal in showing that humans could survive in weightlessness and that fuel cells were viable for space flight, two discoveries that set up the jaunt to the moon in 1969.

Skydoom

Blue Jays television announcer John Cerutti was found dead in his hotel room at SkyDome Sunday at the age of 44. Cerutti was due to call the season finale against the New York Yankees at SkyDome, where he had won the first game in the park’s history in 1989. Cerutti was Toronto’s first-round pick in the 1981 draft out of Amherst College, where he was a teammate of former Red Sox GM Dan Duquette. After making his major league debut with the Blue Jays in 1985 and playing there for 6 seasons, then signing with the Detroit Tigers for a season, compiling a lifetime record of 49-43. Cerutti is the second baseball broadcaster in the last 11 years to die in a hotel room in Canada, after Don Drysdale in Montreal in 1993 and is the second broadcaster to die in a hotel room before playing a New York team in the last 7 years, joining Richie Ashburn who died before a Phils-Mets game in 1997. Just an observation.

Down the Drain

(Props to Dawn and Monty)

or
Bring Down the Shower Curtain
Janet Leigh, the woman who did for showers what Steven Speilberg did to wading in the ocean, has died at the age of 77. After filling the pipes of the Bates Motel with her blood, she ironically couldn’t pass blood through her own pipes, dying of vasulitis - inflammation of the blood vessels. In addition to Psycho, for which she earned an Oscar nomination as best supporting actress for about 7 minutes of screen time, she appeared in The Manchurian Candidate and Touch of Evil. Leigh admitted that the rumors she was nude during the shower scene were at least partially true. Although she had a flesh-colored body suit, in the course of more than 70 takes under water, there were times when it became too soggy, saggy and unmanageable and she did without.

Overexposed

(Kudos to Craig Barker)

The f stop flu continues to plague the world’s photographers, this time claiming Richard Avedon at the age of 81. Avedon joins Francesco Scavullo, who died in January at 82, Helmut Newton, who died in January at 83 and Henri Cartier-Bresson, who died in August at 95. Best known for his unflattering black-and-white images of such stars as Naomi Campbell and Cindy Crawford which were considered high art, Avedon also covered the unflattering side of America, captured gritty images of the civil rights movement in the U.S. and the anti-Vietnam war movement, and was chronicling the upcoming election from the perspective of the poor in San Antonio when he suffered a fatal brain hemorrhage.

Star Crossed

Joyce Jillson, author of a nationally syndicated astrology column who read the stars to guide the Star Wars program for former movie star turned president Ronald Reagan and to guide the opening date for Star Wars in 1977, has been eclipsed at the age of 58. She also provided astrological forecasts for Ford Motor Co. and the Los Angeles Dodgers and claimed to have directed Reagan to the selection of George H. W. Bush as vice president, probably getting more out of a Boston University opera scholarship than anyone has a right to.