Monday, December 22, 2014

Needs a Little Help from 6 Friends

Or

Up Where he Belongs

(Props to Mike L)
 
Or

He Ain’t Feeling Alright

(An epithany shared with Mike L.)
Joe Cocker, gravelly voiced spasmodic British blues singer and cover artist, is now powerless to stop you if you elected to get up and walk out on him, having died of lung cancer at the age of 70. Feel free to leave your hat on for the funeral. His cover of The Beatles’ "With a Little Help from My Friends" became his anthem, as he performed it at Woodstock and for Queen Elizabeth II’s Golden Jubilee, and it became the theme song to The Wonder Years. He hit #5 with a cover of You Are So Beautiful in 1974, and won a Grammy for the 1983 duet Up Where We Belong, best remembered from An Officer and a Gentleman. 

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Saturday, August 10, 2013

Blame It on the Hasty Coma

(Props to Monty) 

Or

Softly, As She Leaves Us

Eydie Gorme, who teamed with husband Steve Lawrence to swim in Frank Sinatra’s wake, but never picked up a check, has died at the age of 84. The duo filled casinos and Branson theaters for decades, offering a steady barrage of pop standards with a polished tux-and-gown, old married couple banter routine, beacons of civility rising above the ever-changing musical landscape of rock, disco, grunge, rap, ska and whatever the hell it is Arcade Fire does. The duo won a Grammy for best pop duo in 1960 and an Emmy in 1979 for outstanding comedy-variety or music program for “Steve & Eydie Celebrate Irving Berlin.” Occasionally, she stepped out on her own, winning a Grammy nomination for her 1963 hit “Blame It on the Bossa Nova,” and winning an international audience by singing “Amor” in Spanish. She got her start with a two-week gig on The Steve Allen Show that turned into a permanent job as the show evolved into The Tonight Show. Gorme also found a husband in Lawrence, a cast member on the show, who she married in 1957. 

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Wednesday, May 01, 2013

Kris Kross Got Dumped, Dumped

Or

Totally Krossed Out


Or

Warm it Up

Chris Kelly, the Mac Daddy of the 1990s rap duo Kris Kross, has died of a drug overdose at the age of 34. Best remembered for Jump, Kriss Kross won no Grammys, Album of the Year awards, or American Music Award awards before breaking up to focus on individual efforts that no one bought. Kelly will be buried upside down while wearing a black suit backwards.

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Monday, August 06, 2012

The Way He Was

(Props to Monty)

Or

Stung


Or

Nobody Does it Better, but Plenty Have Done it Longer


Or

One, Who Is Feeling No Sensation

Marvin Hamlisch, godfather of sampling, has died after a brief illness at the age of 1968. At the age of 7, he was the youngest ever admitted to the Julliard School and to the end he had the appearance of the band room geek who never outgrew it. Unlike the band room geeks left dangling from atomic wedgies, Hamlisch hit his stride, winning three Oscars, four Emmys, four Grammys and a Pulitzer (one of only 2 to claim PEGOTs), while emerging as an engaging personality who could visit Johnny Carson and Merv Griffin and not send viewers to the bathroom. In addition to ripping off Scott Joplin to Fareed Zakaria his way to an Oscar for the score to The Sting, he filled countless elevators with misty water-colored memories after writing Barbra Streisand’s signature song The Way We Were (another Oscar winner), gave James Bond one of his best theme songs with Nobody Does it Better, and composed Theme Song for Peaboy for Late Night with David Letterman.

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Friday, July 01, 2005

Not Here, Not Now

Luther Vandross, the baby-inducing machine, has died at the age of 54, a little more than 2 years after a debilitating stroke. Vandross’ silky smooth R&B was the soundtrack for many a hot and heavy evening. Vandross produced 17 albums - or really, the same album 17 times – each one chock full of tedious ballads and lush orchestras. He won 8 Grammys with hits including Here and Now and Any Love. Vandross was obsessive about his vocal cords, enduring stifling temperatures before appearances to prevent air-conditioning from drying his throat. He was less obsessive about the rest of his health, and he ballooned dangerously before dropping the weight to look silky smooth for his next album cover.

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Thursday, August 26, 2004

Was it something that they said? Is there a faulty blood vessel in your head?

Or

Final Gloria

Or

How are we supposed to live without her?

(Props to Joan-Marie)
America has another reason not to call, as one-hit ‘80s wonder Laura Branigan died of a brain aneurysm last week at the age of 42, a performance Tammy can’t wait for Michael Bolton to cover. She earned a total of 4 Grammy nominations among her 7 albums, but the only reason you’re reading this obit right now is the 1982 hit Gloria, which somehow stayed atop the charts for 22 weeks. She also recorded Solitaire, How Am I Supposed to Live Without You?, Self Control, acted in an off-Broadway musical about Janis Joplin, had guest spots on ChiPs and Automan and contributed songs to the score of Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. She also performed the last song ever on American Bandstand, Shattered Glass in 1987, and was working on material for a new album. But in the end, her time in the spotlight was short, for B-R-A, single-N I, G-A-N, you see, is a name that lasting fame never has been connected with. Bran-i-gan, she's dead.

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Friday, August 06, 2004

I’m Dead, Bitch

Or

Cold-Blooded


Or
Get the Funk Out
Funk legend Rick James has died of natural causes at the age of 56. That meaning that a heart incredibly scarred by an out-of-control cocaine habit and a body infested with every known venereal disease after decades of whoring around will naturally give out prematurely. Best known for the 1981 hit Super Freak, James was definitely not the kind you brought home to mother. At one point in the 1980s, he had a $10,000-to-$15,000 a week cocaine habit, then in 1991, James tied a woman to a chair, burned her with a hot crack pipe and forced her to perform sex acts, then was arrested again a year later for a less interesting assault. His later years have been a series of dubious comebacks. MC Hammer ripped off the bass line from Super Freak for his 1990 hit U Can’t Touch this, earning a Grammy for Best R & B song for James and Hammer. A stroke in 1997 derailed his comeback tour after his final album. He’s probably best known today as a Dave Chappelle punch line: “I’m Rick James, bitch.”


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Tuesday, November 18, 2003

Kamen Went

Michael Kamen, a Grammy-winning and Oscar-nominated Hollywood composer, died of a heart attack this week at the age of 55. Kamen was responsible for such ditties as "(Everything I Do) I Do It for You" from "Robin Hood" and "Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman" from "Don Juan DeMarco," Best Song Oscar nominees in 1991 and '95, respectively. In his defense, he did produce the scores for Lethal Weapon, Die Hard, Brazil and The Adventures of Baron Munchausen as well as music for Amazing Stories and Tales from the Crypt. Despite being diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 1996, Kamen remained active, producing the scores for HBO's Band of Brothers and From the Earth to the Moon, and this year's Kevin Costner western Open Range.

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