Character Assassinations

Nipped in the Bud

Or
Knotts Buried Farm

Or
Knotts’ Landing

Or
Evidently, Four's a Crowd
(Props to Monty)

Or
First Norman Fell, now Knotts Done
(Also from the mind of Monty)

Or
The Incredible Mr. Limp
(Continued kudos for Monty)

Not to be confused with
An Incredibly Limpet Mister
(Laudatories for Craig)

Or
Fife and Death
(Honorifics for Greg)

Or
May-buried
(From our favorite outsider, Jon)

Or
The Ghost of Mr. Chicken
(An epitaphany shared with Craig)
Don Knotts, the original TV buffoon, has died of lung cancer at the age of 81. Bug-eyed, fidgety, rail-thin and with a mug expressive enough to be called the man of a thousand faces, Don Knotts would not be the prototype for television super stardom. But in creating the indelible portrait of Barney Fife, the deputy of Mayberry who combined the gun awareness of Dick Cheney with the police skills of Mark Fuhrman, Knotts cemented himself among the legends of the small screen, winning the Emmy as best supporting actor in each of the 5 seasons he was on The Andy Griffith Show. Barney was originally supposed to be just another of the odd characters Sheriff Andy Taylor dealt with as the star of the show, but show creator Griffith quickly recognized Knotts was getting all the laughs and stepped into the background. Barney was actually a variation of “the nervous guy” character Knotts had created as part of Steve Allen’s cadre of gifted character comedians with Louis Nye, Tom Poston, Bill Dana and Pat Harrington. Were that not enough, Knotts was there to help America weather the loss of Norman Fell and Audra Lindley when they left Three’s Company for spin-off futility. Knotts became the living embodiment of the leisure suit as wannabe swinger Ralph Furley, replacement landlord for Jack, Janet and the Not Chrissies, all wide lapels and neckerchiefs. Knotts also took his innocuous imbecility to the big screen in a long list of light comedies, including the Incredible Mr. Limpet, The Reluctant Astronaut, The Ghost and Mr. Chicken, The Apple Dumpling Gang, Gus and Herbie Goes to Monte Carlo. Other roles included constantly pestering old co-star Andy Griffith in an Andy Griffith reunion movie, an Andy Griffith reunion special, on Mayberry RFD, on The New Andy Griffith Show and on Matlock as tedious neighbor Les Calhoun. He also livened up the latter few episodes of the Yakov Smirnoff vehicle What a Country as night school principal Bud McPherson.

Five of us expected the Grim Reaper to come and knock on his door and take 4 points apiece: My Our Hearse is a Very, Very, Very Fine Hearse moves into 3rd, Warren’s List One takes 4th, Jennifer and Greg’s Team Quincy tie for 5th and Michelle’ Dead and Deaderer takes 15th. Tom’s efforts to crack the leaderboard were nipped in the bud when he dropped Knotts after the 2004 GHI.

The Leaderboard
1st Paul - Pushing Daisies 2 hits - 30 points
2nd Monty - Comedy of Terrors 2 hits - 22.85714286 points
3rd Me - Our Hearse Is a Very, Very, Very Fine Hearse 2 hits - 14 points
4th Warren - List 1 2 hits, 9 points
5th Jennifer 2 hits, 6.85714286 points
(tie) Greg’s - Team Quincy 2 hits, 6.85714286 points

Koldchak: The Eternal Night Stalker

Or
The Cold Man

Or
A Christmas Obituary

Or
Off to get his final major award
(Combining the efforts of Craig and Greg)
Darren McGavin, the consummate character actor best remembered as the tire-changing, bloodhound-battling, furnace-fixing father in the second greatest Christmas movie of all time (shut up, Greg), has died at the age of 83, leaving the ethereal plane and joining the tapestry of obscenities still hanging in space over Lake Michigan. McGavin also starred in the cult classic Kolchak: The Night Stalker as Carl Kolchak, investigative reporter on the mummy, vampire, alien, werewolf and zombie beat who apparently never actually published an article as his frustrated editor Vincenzo thought every story was a figment of Kolchak’s imagination. McGavin made an uncredited cameo as a reporter in the pilot of last year’s ill-advised reprise of the classic series. Other roles included the sympathetic policeman in the rare Jerry Lewis straight film The Delicate Delinquent, a NASA administrator in early MST3K target Hangar 18, a pennant-fixing gambler in The Natural, a heroin pusher in The Man with the Golden Arm, Billy Madison’s dad, Agent Dales, the original Fox Mulder on The X-Files, and, in his only Emmy-winning role, Bill Brown, Murphy Brown’s father.

No one in this year’s contest realized how fra-gee-lay McGavin’s health was, but Mark had him in 2004 and committed the minor breach of etiquette in dropping him, his second premature deletion of the year.

Notable connections with Don Knotts – they appeared together in Hot Lead and Cold Feet and No Deposit, No Return, and Don Knotts once had a cameo as Deputy Fife on Step by Step in an episode called “A Christmas Story.”

G’Day
Andreas Katsulas, best known to anyone who has moved out of their parent’s basement as the one-armed pharmaceutical henchman who killed Richard Kimble’s wife and framed him for the murder in the movie remake of The Fugitive, has died at the age of 59. For the “Live Long and Prosper" set, Katsulas also played red-eyed militant ambassador turned spiritual leader G'Kar on Babylon 5, a newcomer on one of the Alien Nation movies, Romulan commander Tomalak on Star Trek: The Next Generation and a Vissian captain on Enterprise. However as someone beholden to the pharmaceutical industry, merck my words, Katsulas’ role in The Fugitive was the most science fictitious role, as no drug company would ever put a human life at risk for the sake of a few billion dollars in profits.