The Adventures of Lewis in the Dark

Schnauzer Rolls Over, Plays Dead.
(Props to Craig)

That's Al, Folks
(Kudos to Monty)
Al Lewis, Grandpa to the world, even his own TV daughter, has died at the age of 95. Or 82. It’s so hard getting an accurate read on the undead. As Grandpa, Lewis proved that fathers-in-law are a problem that transcends the ethereal plane. Forever meddling and abusive to Herman, he also proved an inept collaborator, whether trading Billy Mumy for a chimpanzee or turning himself into Herman’s hot blonde girlfriend. Lewis and Gwynne had early co-starred on Car 54, Where Are You?, with Lewis as Toody and Muldoon’s fellow officer Leo Schnauzer, a role he reprised in the disastrous David Johansson remake (and I apologize for the treble redundancy) in 1994. Unlike many actors who felt constrained by typecasting in a well-known role, Lewis realized his limitations as an actor and cashed in at every opportunity, regularly appearing in the cheesy Dracula cape on talk shows and local mall openings. “Why fight it, it pays the mortgage,” became the sell-out rallying cry. Lewis even tried unsuccessfully to be listed as “Grandpa” Al Lewis when he ran as the Green Party candidate for governor in 1998. Despite the constraints of New York electoral law, Lewis still pulled in more than 52,000 votes, revealing once again the primary flaw of democracy: the voter. Other fruitless causes he championed were the Sacco and Venzetti defense team, the Black Panthers and Mumia Abu Jamal, and he hosted a weekly whack-job political program in New York up to his death. Other appearances included a lonely, ventriloquist security guard on Taxi as well as roles in Married to the Mob and They Shoot Horses, Don’t They?

Seven of us expected a vacancy at 1313 Mockingbird Lane, led by Monty’s Comedy of Terrors, which is now in first place as the first to draw second blood. Rounding out the 6-way tie for 11th are Michelle's The Naked and the Dead Pool, Jennifer, Greg's Team Quincy, Paul’s The Stiffs of ’06, Tom’s Knock, Knock, Knocking and my Killing Time. Coulda, shoulda, woulda been in second with his second premature extrication is Mark, who had listed Grandpa in 2004.

The leaderboard
1st Monty - Comedy of Terrors 2 hits - 22.85714286 points
2nd Matt 1 hit - 20 points
(tie) Paul - Pushing Daisies 1 hit - 20 points
(tie) Dawn - Ashes to Ashes 1 hit, 20 points
5th Me - Our Hearse Is a Very, Very, Very Fine Hearse 1 hit - 10 points
(tie) Mark - Beltway Boneyard III: Filibustering the Grim Reaper 1 hit - 10 points

The Dead Woman Mystique
(More honorifics for Craig)

Or
Fried
(Dipping back into the pool of Monty)

Or
LATER

Or
Madame Ovary

Or
The Egg and Die
Betty Friedan, the world’s best known manifestress, has died at the age of 85. Friedan, almost single-handedly responsible for robbing America of its barefoot, pregnant, kitchen-bound better half, shook off the ovarian shackles with her 1963 book “The Feminine Mystique.” Instantly, women began thinking for themselves and demanding better aprons and a professional quilting circuit. Once they got the kinks worked out, women also expected career paths other than milkmaid and housewife. With more women finding satisfaction outside the home, the TV dinner and other ready-made meals took off and fast food restaurants started popping up everywhere, dramatically increasing sodium and fat levels in food and starting the snowball effect that has led to today’s obesity epidemic. Mothers no longer had time to mend clothes, so into the trash went those jeans with the hole in the knee, filling America’s landfills and kick-starting the consumer culture that has the nation’s debt burden spiraling out of control. With the crucial time for bonding between mother and child spent instead in pursuit of the corner office, mothers felt less attached to their children and barely noticed them being sent off to foreign wars. With wives no longer willing to give it up, husbands turned to the streets for their carnal needs and sexually transmitted diseases flourished. With both parents working, children were left unsupervised and defenseless, and America’s streets were never more violent. To sum up: Uncle Jim’s fatal heart attack at 45, the daily pummelings in the backyard by Lefty and the Gooch, Uncle Stumpy, who covers the house from under the front porch looking for “Charlie,” your brother’s herpes, your 450-pound cousin who can’t make it from the front door to the couch without an oxygen tank and the fact that your sister doesn’t have enough credit to buy you more than a napkin ring for Christmas are the indelible legacy of Betty Friedan. Stalin had fewer flaws.

The Dead Shoes
(Plaudits for Michelle)

Or
The Man Who Loved Deadheads
(More from the Haus party)

Or
Muerte Shearer
Moira Shearer, who specialized in making films that sounded interesting but were actually about ballet, has died at the age of 80. Among her best known works was Red Shoes, which as Greg noted, was sorely lacking in Diaries. The Story of Three Loves had all the plot and the heat of a Love Boat episode with Louis Nye and Brenda Vaccaro. The Man Who Loved Redheads - and you know what they say: red on the head, watch this movie and go to bed. And Peeping Tom, which is less titillation, more psychological thriller about a guy who takes pictures of women as he kills them. Just 9 days after Greg watched Red Shoes for the first time, Moira died. As a test case, Greg will be screening The Incredible Mr. Limpet to assess its impact on Don Knott’s mortality and determine if his DVD player is, in fact, a portal to hell.