The First Duet with Ike Turner and Dan Fogelberg

Hoosier Deady

Or
Carson Deadly
Julia M. Carson, the first black woman to represent Indianapolis in Congress, has died of lung cancer at the age of 69. The democrat had ruled Indiana’s 7th with a liberal fist since 1997. The Mobs Mabley of Congress, she was fresh off double bypass surgery when she got elected, had high blood pressure, asthma and diabetes, was hospitalized the weekend before the 2004 election for a flu-shot reaction and was treated for a severe leg infection earlier this year when she was diagnosed with lung cancer, further proof, following Dan Quayle’s 11 years in Congress, that all Indiana looks for is a pulse, no matter how faint, in its elected officials. Carson was deeply interested in cars and choo-choos, serving on the Committee on Transportation & Infrastructure, the Subcommittee on Railroads, Pipelines, and Hazardous Materials and the Subcommittee on Highways and Transit. Carson is the 5th member of the House of Representatives to die in 2007. Are we really sure these are the people who should be sorting out health care policy?

Four Pooligans are getting the most out of their subscription to Roll Call: James, Greg’s Team Matlock, Mike’s Academic List and Kirsti’s Die, Die, My Darlings take the early lead.

This is the third-earliest hit in GHI history and the second year in a row James has scored the first hit. Only once in the first 6 years of the GHI has anyone drawn first blood and taken the title.

Met My Lover in a Funeral Home
(Props to Monty, returning to headlining after a long absence)

Or
No Longer
(Cap tip to Phil and the Derby Dead Pool, where I am now in 53rd place)

Or
It's Hard to Say Much Right Now
(Huzzah for Phil)
Dan Fogelberg, the bane of elevators everywhere, has died of lung cancer at the age of 56. The drippy balladeer was recently ranked as the 5th worst lyricist ever by Blender magazine, thanks to such lines as All the long, lazy mornings/In pastures of green/The sun on your withers/The wind in your mane/Could never prepare you/For what lies ahead/The run for the roses so red, from his love ode to horsies, Run for the Roses. Fogelberg was the Sinatra of soft rock; the Elvis of easy listening, earning a place of honor on Lola Granola’s ass. Fogelberg was a master of turning his everyday life into whiny anthems for a generation that considered Alan Alda a sex symbol, with hits like Leader of the Band, a tribute to his late father and Same Old Lang Syne, based on a chance encounter with an old girlfriend.

What’s a Restraining Order Got to Do With It?

Or
What’s Life Got to Do With It?
(Can I get a Whoop-Whoop for Monty?)

Or
Not Risin’ With the Blues
(Further kudos for Monty)

Or
Ike Beats Tina to Death
(Accolades for Phil, looking over his shoulder to find the line)

Or
Rollin’ on the River Styx
(Laudatories for Phil)
Ike Turner, the Punch to Tina’s Judy, has died at the age of 76. Ike started as an R&B studio musician before finding Anne Mae Bullock in the early 1960s. She became Tina Turner, they became the Ike and Tina Turner Revue and had a series of hits in the 1960s and 1970s, in part because of the exposure they got opening for The Rolling Stones who were trying to convince people they had an R&B sound. She became one of Ike’s 14 wives, though he disputes both her inclusion and the total number, and, according to her book, the basis for the movie What’s Love Got to Do With It?, his prime punching bag. Ike matter-of-factly acknowledged slapping and hitting her, but he called them love contusions. Throughout their marriage, Ike used the groups’ back-up dancers, the Ikettes, as his personal harem, and after they divorced, they became wives 13 and 14. Ike spent most of the 1980s in jail on drug charges, and was in prison when he and Tina were inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame in 1991.

Why Him? Why Him?

Or
Kneecapped, and then some
(Reverie for Craig)
Brian Sean Griffith, who added the only interest in figure skating in the last, well, ever, has died at the age of 40. In 1994, when known as Shawn Eckardt, he was Tonya Harding’s bodyguard and threw a wrench into the U.S. Olympic team selection by having an associate throw a wrench into toothy rival Nancy Kerrigan’s knee. With a spine as sturdy as his boss’ shoelace, Eckardt caved within days and sold out Harding’s ex-husband Jeff Gillooly to boot. Kerrigan took the silver, humiliated herself at Disney and was the worst host Saturday Night Live has ever seen. Harding finished 8th, had her wedding night sex tape sold on the Internet and fought Paula Jones in Celebrity Boxing.

Just Me
Roger B. Smith, the General Motors executive who made Michael Moore famous by avoiding him, has died at the age of 82. Smith was the CEO when the decision was made to close the GM plant in Moore’s hometown of Flint, Michigan, resulting in Wink Martindale telling bad jokes and the citizenry selling rabbits for pets or meat. Smith had set out to reshape GM, and did, coughing up 11% of the company’s U.S. market share thanks to a line-up of dull, indistinguishable cars that broke down a lot.

Stone Cold
(Honorifics for Greg)
Don Chevrier, who called every sport they play in Canada except lacrosse, has died of a blood disorder at the age of 69. He replaced Alex Trebek as the host of Curling Classic and also called the sweeping at the last two winter Olympics for NBC. He was the first broadcaster in Toronto Blue Jays history, announced several Grey Cups, called the Canada Cup hockey tournament and gave voice to the Peter Sidorkiewicz era of Ottawa Senators hockey. He spent most of his time at the 2002 Olympics getting hazed, on the sidelines of badminton, table tennis and synchronized swimming.