Mournin’ Norman

(Props to Monty)

Or

Deserted Shield

Gen. H. Norman Schwarzkopf, the very model of a modern four-star general, has died at the age of 78 from complications of pneumonia. His gruff but genial and second helping of mashed potatoes physique were straight out of central casting for a military commander - or a football coach – and he was the star of CNN’s programming for months in 1991. A veteran of Vietnam, where he earned two Purple Hearts and three Silver Stars, Schwarzkopf reminded America what it meant to win a war and showed what the greatest military in the history of the planet looked like by whipping Iraq, the world’s 4th largest army, all over the desert in Operation Desert Storm. Forced to stop short of actually resolving our problems with Saddam Hussein by the gutless chairman of the Joint Chiefs (Colin Powell) and his spineless president (George I), Schwarzkopf had to sit quietly when Junior attempted to resolve his Daddy issues in 2003 by finishing things. A member of Mensa, Schwarkopf was a New Jersey native and Hall of Famer and followed in the family business, as his grandfather was also a West Point graduate, served in World War I, helped found the New Jersey State Police and served as a lead investigator of the Charles Lindbergh, Jr. kidnapping, then re-upped for World War II, and his father restored the Shah of Iran to power after the CIA coup overthrew the democratically elected government and prime minister.