Mournin’ Norman

(Props to Monty)

Or

Deserted Shield

Gen. H. Norman Schwarzkopf, the very model of a modern four-star general, has died at the age of 78 from complications of pneumonia. His gruff but genial and second helping of mashed potatoes physique were straight out of central casting for a military commander - or a football coach – and he was the star of CNN’s programming for months in 1991. A veteran of Vietnam, where he earned two Purple Hearts and three Silver Stars, Schwarzkopf reminded America what it meant to win a war and showed what the greatest military in the history of the planet looked like by whipping Iraq, the world’s 4th largest army, all over the desert in Operation Desert Storm. Forced to stop short of actually resolving our problems with Saddam Hussein by the gutless chairman of the Joint Chiefs (Colin Powell) and his spineless president (George I), Schwarzkopf had to sit quietly when Junior attempted to resolve his Daddy issues in 2003 by finishing things. A member of Mensa, Schwarkopf was a New Jersey native and Hall of Famer and followed in the family business, as his grandfather was also a West Point graduate, served in World War I, helped found the New Jersey State Police and served as a lead investigator of the Charles Lindbergh, Jr. kidnapping, then re-upped for World War II, and his father restored the Shah of Iran to power after the CIA coup overthrew the democratically elected government and prime minister.

Westmoreland Assures Victory Over Death Close at Hand

(The historical perspective from Craig)

Or
We Didn't Lose in Vietnam, Westmoreland Isn't Dead, And If 60 Minutes Says Otherwise, They Can Expect Another Lawsuit
(The revisionist historical perspective from Kirsti)

Or
Per Last Request, Gen. Westmoreland's Ashes, 10,000 Pounds Of Napalm Scattered Over Vietnam(The copyrighted perspective from The Onion)

Or
Losing the Battle of Heart and Mind(The pragmatic perspective from Monty)

Or
Entering Pandora’s Box
General William Westmoreland might actually stop fighting the Vietnam War now that he’s died at the age of 91. After Westmoreland served with distinction in World War II and the Korean War, he commanded U.S. Forces in Vietnam from 1964 to 1968 and was credited with “the first clear failure” in American military history. Westmoreland refused to accept that the U.S. Army had lost the war, insisting that President Johnson had failed to live up to his commitment in Southeast Asia. Under Westmoreland, the war was waged as a traditional American campaign of superior firepower breaking enemy resistance, never noticing that this approach wasn’t working. Westmoreland also displayed a Rumsfeld-esque grasp of the truth during press conferences, consistently declaring that “victory was at hand” and “they were nearing the light at the end of the tunnel” while the Vietcong became ever more entrenched. After being “promoted” to Army Chief of Staff, McNamara hung around the Pentagon trying to tell old war stories to interns and secretaries who avoided eye contact. He spent the next 33 years talking to veterans offering his spin on his conduct of the war, suing CBS in 1982 when it suggested that he had knowingly underestimated enemy strength to bolster claims of progress. He dropped the suit and claimed that a lukewarm statement from CBS saying it did not mean to imply "that General Westmoreland was unpatriotic or disloyal in performing his duties as he saw them" was clearly an apology and claimed victory. Just like old times.

Who am I, why am I in a coffin?

Or

Deadlock!

James Bond Stockdale, who supplanted Dan Quayle as the comic relief in the 1992 vice presidential debate, has died at the age of 81. Admiral Stockdale was a naval pilot who flew the first bombing raid in North Vietnam and had flown 201 missions when he was shot down in 1965. He spent more than 7 years in Vietnamese prison camps, enduring near fatal injuries rather than provide information to his captors, which was noted in his citation for winning the Medal of Honor in 1976. Reform Party Candidate Ross Perot tapped the American hero as his VP candidate, but Stockdale was not comfortable with the spotlight, and his stumbling performance, opening with the question, “Who am I? Why am I here?,” turning off his hearing aid during the debate and providing the rare admission he had nothing to add to the debate, became late-night comic fodder for weeks.