Lock, Stock, and Cold Barrel

Or

Today was not a good day, he died, the man who made the AK

(Phil, waxing poetic)

Or

You Better Fear the Reaper, he's got an AK now!

(Another tip o’ the cap to Phil)

Mikhail Kalashnikov, who contributed to the deaths of more people than any man this side of Ray Kroc, has died at the age of 94. Kalashnikov developed his signature weapon, the AK-47, to win a Soviet gun design competition in 1947, with later revisions and rip-offs being known collectively as Kalashnikov rifles. Kalashnikov, the son of a “wealthy farmer” sent to Siberia, became a hero of the state in a rags to slightly nicer rags story. Kalashnikov’s automatic rifles had fewer moving parts than the cumbersome relics the Soviets had been using, and quickly earned a reputation for their durability, overcoming mud, sand and moisture without jamming. Except when the Libyans tried to shoot Marty McFly. Cheap, light, durable and so simple kids from 9 to 92 could fire off 650 rounds a minute, the AK-47 became the weapon of choice for armies, drug lords, street gangs, terrorists and pirates around the world. Saddam Hussein, Yasser Arafat and Osama bin Laden modeled them in photos, Mozambique features a silhouette of the gun with its distinctive banana clip on its flag, and many former guerrillas in Africa named their children “Kalash.” The most produced type of weapon in history, by some estimates, there is 1 Kalashnikov for every 70 men, women and children on the planet. While Kalashnikov was ever so proud of his contribution to the Motherland, he did not like the unchecked dissemination that ultimately led to his invention being used against Russian soldiers in Afghanistan and Chechnya.