Back Off the Wagon

Or
The Last Ford Has Rolled Off The Assembly Line...
(Props to Terry)
Betty Ford, our nation’s pill-popping truck driver of a First Lady, has died at the age of 93. If Jerry Ford was our accidental president, Betty Ford was our perfect storm First Lady. Having started swiping her day’s gin at the age of 12 and giving the best hand jobs in the 9th grade, Ford told an interviewer that she wouldn’t be surprised if her teenage daughter was smoking marijuana and having sex. Not surprising, given that she was the first First Lady to share a bed in the White House with the president. Because when the First Momma (her CB handle - seriously) gets the itch in the middle of the night, she doesn’t want to have to sneak across the hall. When she and Jerry visited China, she kicked off her shoes and started dancing. She said couples should live together before marriage, that women should be drafted into the military, and was an advocate for abortion rights and the ERA. To some, it was a breath of fresh air; to others, she was the crazy aunt who shared a little too much after hitting the cooking sherry. She also candidly discussed her battle with breast cancer and mastectomy, instead of leaving it as the topic of hushed whispers where it belongs, and sold out for a lucrative naming rights deal for a celebrity nightclub for repeat partiers.