In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to the American Optometric Association

(Props to Mark for the headline and the heads up)
Ned Bunyon, former Hockey East official, and graduate of Chestnut Hill Community College for the Differently Abled, has died at the age of 73. Sharing the opinion that the only good Hockey East official is a dead Hockey East official, even the immortal Boston University Jack Parker, a ref baiter and hater of long-standing, had a few kind words: “He lived for refereeing even though it was his avocation. No one prepared harder for officiating a game than Ned, and no one enjoyed it more.” John Gravallese should not expect the same kind of quote from Coach Parker after he gets stabbed to death by an angry mob after missing (or manufacturing) yet another call.

Non-Tiki

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She Turned Me Into a Knut
Knut Haugland, the last surviving member of the Kon-Tiki crew and a former member of the Norwegian resistance during World War II, has died at the age of 92. After fighting the Nazis in the battle of Narvik, escaping capture twice, including back-flipping over a snow bank and fleeing into the woods, and avoiding capture by shooting his way out of a Oslo maternity hospital where he had hidden a radio transmitter, he was a natural to lead one of the most celebrated resistance efforts in Northern Europe. In 1943, after 5 months of winter reconnaissance in Norway with 4 others sustaining themselves on reindeer and lichen, he directed efforts to destroy the giant Norsk Hydro plant at Vermonk that was suspected of producing heavy water for a German atomic bomb, maintaining contact with Britain on a radio fashioned out of a car battery and three fishing rods. After that, serving as Thor Heyerdahl’s radio man on the 101-day trip from Peru to Polynesia across open ocean aboard a balsa raft was a pleasure cruise, albeit one where he once had to dive into the sea to rescue a crewmate who had been swept overboard.

Autopsy Machine

(Props to Monty)
George Michael, who tried to challenge SportsCenter as the go-to place for national sports highlights, but failed because he sucked, has died of leukemia at the age of 70. In 1980, about a year after SportsCenter launched, Michael had the great idea to package highlights of every athletic event, first for a local audience in Washington, DC then nationally through a syndicated show, both utilizing the hokey device he called the Sports Machine.

Murphy’s Flaw

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Girl, Interrupted

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Riding in this Car Alone

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Tai Died

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Drop Dead Gorgeous
(More merit for Monty)
Brittany Murphy, who played Dabney Coleman’s daughter in Drexell’s Class, has died at the age of 32 after being found in the shower in full cardiac arrest. After a fairly normal role in Clueless, Murphy made her mark playing skinny big-eyed girls in various states of mental disturbance. She was the community bicycle (everyone gets a ride) in Summer Catch, a suicidal girl with a hankering for rotisserie chicken in Girl, Interrupted, the psycho with the key to rescuing her therapist’s daughter in Don’t Say a Word, a vapid actress turned nanny for an ignored little rich girl in Uptown Girls, When she did get to play a normal character, life wasn’t any easier – she played the virgin pursued by a serial killer in Cherry Falls and in Just Married, she had to act opposite Ashton Kutcher. Other roles included a guest spot in what must have been a very special episode of Blossom, and the voice of big-hearted, dim-witted Luann on King of the Hill. Her date to the high school prom was the similarly short-lived Jonathan Brandis, proving their “Least Likely to Attend Their 20-Year Reunion” award was remarkably prescient.

Carol Post Humous

Connie Hines, who got to tell Wilbur lunch was ready through 144 episodes of Mr. Ed, has died of complications from heart problems at the age of 79. As Carol Post, her job was generally to look at Wilbur quizzically and accept his ridiculous explanations for conversations in the barn with the talking horse.

Wide Out

Tiger Woods isn’t the only athlete having trouble commuting this month. Troubled Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chris Henry died at the age of 26 of head injuries sustained when he fell out of the back of the pick-up his fiancée was driving during the middle of a domestic dispute. Note to anyone else out there who can’t keep it in his cup – involving a vehicle doesn’t seem to be working. When you make a run for it, run. Unless you’re married to Christine Ohuruogu, you’ll probably put enough ground between you to live to fight another day. Prior to his early ejection, Henry was the Cincinnati wide receiver who made Chad Ochocinco look palatable: after a litany of problems at West Virginia, the Bengals drafted him anyway, apparently as a cost-cutting move, as his multiple arrests (for DUI, marijuana, assault and criminal damaging) and other antics earned him 5 unpaid suspensions before he was briefly released, only to return because he’d turned the corner in his life. And the rest of the receiver corps was injured.

Gone to Earth

Jennifer Jones, the Oscar-winning actress who killed Robert Walker, has died at the age of 90. Jones scored an Oscar in her first major studio release in 1943 for The Song of Bernadette, the story of the French peasant girl who got plastered at Lourdes and whose nonsensical ramblings about visions created a sensation in 1858. This was the first of her Oscar-nominated performances in 4 straight years (a feat matched by only 4 other actors) – followed by a girl in love with an ill-fated World War II soldier in Since You Went Away, an amnesiac cured by Joseph Cotten’s love in Love Letters, and a half-breed tramp caught between brothers Gregory Peck and Cotton in the western Duel in the Sun, and one of 5 overall nominations with 1955’s turn as a Eurasian doctor who romances William Holden in Hong Kong in Love is a Many-Splendored Thing. Her personal life, however, would have garnered her own tabloid in the modern era. She divorced Walker, her first husband, an actor best remembered as the criss-crossing murderer in Strangers on a Train, contributing to his alcoholism and mental deterioration. During one emotional outburst, he was injected with sodium amytal in an attempt to calm him that resulted in an especially calming fatal allergic reaction. Even before the divorce, she had started an affair with mega-producer David O. Selznick, whose Svengaliesque approach to Jones’ career garnered all those nominations, but also contributed to her mental breakdown, which culminated in washing down a bottle of sleeping pills with a glass of red wine in a suicide attempt in 1967, 2 years after Selznick’s death. Things calmed down when she married industrialist Norman Simon and helped run his museum. She made a final screen appearance as the widowed painter who scam artist Fred Astaire tries to seduce and swindle before she plummets out of an elevator to her death in The Towering Inferno, a triumphant valedictory that scored her a Golden Globe nomination. The cheery coda on the A&E Biography episode was thwarted when her daughter with Selznick kept up the family tradition with a successful suicide in 1976.

Hanging with Mr. Hooper

Alaina Reed, slum denizen turned slumlord, has died of cancer at the age of 63. Best remembered as Olivia, Gordon’s sister on Sesame Street, as Rose Lee Holloway she inherited the Washington, DC rowhome on 227, making her Mary and Jackee’s landlady.

Drawn Out

Roy Disney, defender of the faith, has died at the age of 79. In addition to his work as a producer and director for Disney, Walt’s nephew was the company’s 3rd largest shareholder and served on the Walt Disney Company Board of Directors, where he stepped into the hero’s role twice to oust evil executives Ron Miller in 1984 and Michael Eisner in 2005 with the help of anthropomorphized woodland creatures. After Miller’s ouster, Disney returned to the company to play a crucial role in rebuilding the animated feature film department in the 1990s, transforming the division from one that produced dreck like The Fox and Hound and The Black Cauldron to one that produced Aladdin, The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast and The Lion King, earning the coveted Disney Legend Award in 1998. In 2003, Disney again resigned from the board, criticizing Eisner for mismanaging the company, ignoring the animation division – most notably cutting ties with a small partner company called Pixar – and instilling a corporate mentality that turned the Walt Disney Company into a "rapacious, soul-less" company. This prompted a mutiny among shareholders, leading to Eisner’s departure. The last member of the Disney family to be actively involved in the company, Roy was revered by employees and fans. At a 2006 revival tour of The Little Mermaid, Roy made a surprise appearance, receiving a standing ovation from the audience.

Called Home to God, No Returns Allowed!

(Kudos to Terry)

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Looks Like Oral Roberts is Finally Meeting his Inspiration
(Props to Monty)

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In Related News, God’s To-Do List from 1987 is Now Complete
(Welcome wrongness from James)
Oral Roberts, the man who reduced God to the ranks of pissed off loan sharks named Vinny, apparently missed a payment and has been called home at the age of 91. Back in the days when having priests lay their hands on you didn’t end up with stained frocks and multi-millionaire settlements, Roberts thrived for decades leading faith-healing revival tent meetings. These events were derided by religious leaders of all denominations, many of whom offered cash rewards for any medical evidence of a Roberts-resultant recovery – rewards that were never claimed. He returned home to make Tulsa, Oklahoma the center of a $110 million religious empire including a university of allegedly higher learning, televangelism and prayer-assisted doctoring. His lasting legacy will be the “prosperity gospel” he championed – devotion and donation to the causes he championed will be rewarded with health, wealth and happiness. He of course meant health, wealth and happiness for himself, as he enjoyed a jet set lifestyle, including a Beverly Hills mansion and country club membership. Although no malfeasance was ever proven, his university fell into debt, and his son was forced out as president after being accused of embezzling funds. Claiming he was commanded by a vision from a 900-foot tall Jesus, he founded his own medical center, with leading specialists in trepanation, phrenology, chicken bone interpretation and tea leaf reading. Not surprisingly, a $250 million faith hospital in the middle of nowhere ran into financial problems, prompting the most outlandish of fundraisers, when Roberts appealed to viewers in January 1987 to raise $4.5 million: “I’m asking you to help extend my life,” he said. “We’re at the point where God could call Oral Roberts home in March.” Mercifully, his life was spared, but the medical center still closed in 1989. One would have to question the need for the facility anyway, as Roberts claimed that he had channeled God’s power to raise the dead. Pope Benedict XVI has not announced if he would waive the customary 5-year waiting period to begin canonization proceedings.

Cause: Old Age. Effect: Death.

(This economics lesson brought to us by Monty)
Paul Samuelson, the man who helped turn economics from a field where leading thinkers considered economic issues to one that solves problems with mathematical certainty and rigor, has died at the age of 94. And how could anyone who lived through the last year not be glad for the clear-thinking and rigorousness of the financial sector. Samuelson’s death spares the Nobel Committee the awkwardness of reclaiming the 1970 prize he won, and instead they can sneak into the house when everyone’s at the viewing.

Gene Bury

(Kudos to Monty)
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Aliens Aren’t the Only Ones Affected by Germs
Gene Barry, who once played Richard M. Nixon in a 1982 Atlanta production of Watergate: A Musical, has died at the age of 90. His wide-ranging career included dapper lawmen and a Tony-nominated turn on Broadway, but he’s probably best-remembered as Dr. Clayton Forrester, the man who diagnosed that the Martians died from the sniffles in War of the Worlds and inspired the name of the mad scientist antagonist on Mystery Science Theater 3000. He helped set the archetype for the unorthodox crime fighter, wearing a derby hat and spangled as the gambling marshall Bat Masterson who preferred getting out of trouble with his gilt-tipped cane rather than a gun, and as the L.A. police captain with a mansion, chauffeur-driven Rolls-Royce and bevy of babes as Amos Burke in Burke’s Law in the 1960s. He spent most of the next 30 years as a special guest star on shows like Fantasy Island, The Love Boat, Hotel, Crazy Like a Fox, Charlie’s Angels, and was the very special murderer in the Colombo pilot as a psychiatrist who kills his wife, with a brief rebound in a Tony nominated-stint in 1984 as the less flamboyant half of the central gay couple in La Cage Aux Folles.

Over a Barrel

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Barrel Salesmen Everywhere Mourn...
(Props to Terry Walsh)
Tim McKernan, whose pursuit of shrunken testicles earned him a place in the football Hall of Fame, has died of lung failure at the age of 69. After making a $10 bet with his brother about whether he could get on TV if he attended a Broncos game wearing an orange barrel with suspenders, he wore his barrel to all but 4 home games in the next 30 years (and inspired a recurring joke on Ed.) In 2006, he represented Broncos fans in a display at the Hall of Fame, and in 2007 he took off his barrel for good, hopefully with something underneath, at an on-field celebration at Invesco Field.

Names Escape Me, But I Never Forget a Fazio

Foge Fazio, former assistant football coach at Boston University, has died of leukemia at the age of 71. After the 1966 and 1967 seasons with the Terriers, he couldn’t keep a job, but had no problem finding the next one, moving on to Harvard (1968), Pitt (1969-1972), Cincinnati (1973-1976), back to Pitt (1977-1985), where as head coach from 1982-1985 he went to two bowl games, Notre Dame (1986-1987), the Atlanta Falcons, (1988-1989), New York Jets (1990-1994), Minnesota Vikings (1995-1998), Washington Redskins (2000), Cleveland Browns (2001-2002) as defensive coordinator of the only playoff team of the second incarnation of the Browns. Ironically that playoff game effectively ended Fazio’s career, as Cleveland proved worthy of the Browns name, choking up a 33-21 lead with 4 minutes remaining, with head coach Butch Davis taking the headset and calling the defensive signals himself. He had been the color broadcaster for Pitt until October of this year, when he stepped down due to illness. The team honored his memory by blowing leads of 38-24 in the 4th quarter and 44-38 with under 2 minutes left.

Somewhat Less Reliable Now

Tommy Henrich, the oldest living New York Yankee, Lou Gehrig’s last living teammate and last living link to any World Series from the 1930s, isn’t any more, succumbing to being very, very old, at the age of 96. A solid performer for 11 seasons for the Yankees, winning 8 pennants, Henrich was overshadowed by superstar teammates Lou Gehrig and Joe DiMaggio, but had a knack for clutch hits, earning the nickname Old Reliable from Mel Allen after a late-inning hit won a game, enabling the team to catch a train for their next series. Henrich also hit the first game-ending home run in World Series history, leading off the bottom of the ninth inning of Game 1 in 1949 to beat Don Newcombe and the Brooklyn Dodgers, 1-0. Henrich even came up with big plays while striking out. He should have made the last out of Game 4 of the 1941 World Series, but Dodgers catcher Mickey Owen committed a passed ball, and Henrich ended up scoring the tying run in a 4-run rally.