Bonn Voyage

Or

Schmidt Outta Luck

Or 

Dark Helmut

(Props to Mark)

Helmut Schmidt, who fought the Soviet Union on the Eastern Front and then again in Central Europe, has died at the age of 96. Kicked out of the Hitler Youth, Schmidt nonetheless was drafted into the military, serving in such pointless German campaigns as the Siege of Leningrad and the Battle of the Bulge before being captured and sitting out the end of the war in a POW camp. During his political career, he continued the German tradition of ignoring the constitution, calling on federal troops to assist during a flood. He was named Chancellor in 1974 after Willy Brandt’s resignation due to the revelation that an East German spy ring was operating with impunity in West Berlin. Schmidt was an early advocate of a united Western Europe, even before Germany itself was reunited. Concerned about Soviet missiles in Central Europe, Schmidt convinced NATO to threaten to expand its own missile stockpile if the Soviets did not withdraw. The stance was unpopular at home and by 1982, Schmidt was ousted in a vote of no confidence.